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Far from OK, Cupid

Do not reply to this man.

Every woman I know who’s tried online dating has gotten all sorts of weird and sleazy messages from guys, from crude sexual come-ons (“sorry for being forward but id love to cum on your glasses :)”) to terrible “sexy” jokes (“So ay girl, you looking for a stud? Because I got the std, all I need is u :)”) to fetish-tastic examples of Too Much Information (“I WISH I WERE A DOG SO I COULD SUCK MYSELF OFF”). (No, guys, appending a smiley face emoticon does not make it ok to be a grotesque douchebag.)

You always wonder what guys like this are thinking. With the dog lover at the end, it’s clear he was trying to rattle a woman who hadn’t replied to two earlier messages of increasing creepiness. With the others, I suppose they think there’s always a tiny chance that some woman out there is as desperate and horny and undiscerning as they are.

What’s stranger are those who lead not with sexual come ons but with blatant misogyny. Do men really think that women melt at the thought of dating a man who hates half the human race? Or are they just looking for yet another chance to mansplain their Men’s Rights bullshit to the world?

Here are a couple of examples of this strange and unsuccessful approach to winning over women which I found on the delightful and disturbing blog The Ladies of OkCupid, which documents the quests of three women searching for love online.

Sometimes the misogyny sneaks up on you, as in this OkCupid profile from a “laid-back” slut-shamer (who was clearly not an English major):

This fellow, by contrast, launches into the misogyny right from the start, suggesting that the woman he’s writing is exceptional, simply because she’s not stupid and illogical like the rest of her gender:

This “edgy” fellow tries to break the ice with some lovely rape jokes:

But the strangest one I’ve seen so far comes from this dude, who uses his OKCupid profile as an opportunity to mansplain why feminism is eeeeeevil:

Oh, and that list keeps going; it’s one hundred items long.

As Jasmine from The Ladies of OKCupid writes,

Delusional and repulsive takes on a whole new level with this one, because I really don’t think he’s kidding. He has every social media outlet known to man with all the same crap, and his profile is HUGE. So either he’s attempting to become the ultimate Canadian troll, or he really thinks there’s a woman out there who exists like this AND would be interested in him, of all people. Really? He offers little more than a receding hairline and an outrageous sense of entitlement in return.

To paraphrase Animal House, delusional and repulsive is no way to go through life.

Happily for The Ladies of OKCupid, and the rest of those ladies seeking love online, not all the messages are like this. For example, take this message about a basic but delicious foodstuff:

Also, the woman who got the message above about that thinking-outside-the-box use for her glasses? She stayed on OkCupid, and is now in a happy relationship with a dude she met there who is not a shitlord.

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Posted on July 22, 2012, in antifeminism, douchebaggery, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, penises, rape jokes, reactionary bullshit, that's not funny!, whores. Bookmark the permalink. 595 Comments.

  1. Meh, you get enough trolls you start to shoot from the hip. No harm, no foul.

  2. Indeed, I aspired to be a fiction writer. But that was a long time ago.

    If I told you that Misandry was, in fact, bullshit, and that men, in fact, could write, and write well, and that you, in fact, could learn to write fiction right now if you wanted to tell stories — would you do it?

  3. I know others have touched on this, but I’m still amused that Steele thinks he can’t get published by virtue of his dudeness. Not even including the “classics” which are almost exclusively all penned by white dudes, there are plenty of dude authors (white dude authors, even!) currently doing extremely well. Off the top of my head there’s:

    Michael Connolly
    James Patterson
    John Irving
    Ian McEwan
    Alexander McCall Smith
    Neil Gaiman
    George R. R. Martin
    Michael Chricton
    Robert B. Parker (recently deceased, but from what I understand, was doing really well up until his death, and his books still go like hotcakes at the library)
    Nicholas Sparks
    Dan Brown
    John Grisham
    David Baldacci
    Dean Koontz
    Gregory Maguire
    W.E.B. Griffin
    Eric Van Lustbader
    Stephen King
    Scott Westerfeld
    Markus Zusak
    Rick Riordan
    Terry Pratchet
    Jerry Spinelli
    Christopher Paolini (which makes me a grumbly fantasy fan, because, seriously, OMFG)
    Lee Child (AKA Jim Grant)

    And that’s just what I can remember and that’s just fiction, mostly adult fiction, and the super popular stuff at that. There are plenty, plenty more who maybe aren’t a “Richard Castle”, per se, but do ok by their writing. The only thing standing in between you and your writing is… you.

  4. has anyone pointed out the modern library top 100 english novels yet?

    ive helpfully bolded all the dudes

    1 ULYSSES, James Joyce
    2 THE GREAT GATSBY, F. Scott Fitzgerald
    3 A PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A YOUNG MAN, James Joyce
    4 LOLITA, Vladimir Nabokov
    5 BRAVE NEW WORLD, Aldous Huxley
    6 THE SOUND AND THE FURY, William Faulkner
    7 CATCH-22, Joseph Heller
    8 DARKNESS AT NOON, Arthur Koestler
    9 SONS AND LOVERS, D.H. Lawrence
    10 THE GRAPES OF WRATH, John Steinbeck
    11 UNDER THE VOLCANO, Malcolm Lowry
    12 THE WAY OF ALL FLESH, Samuel Butler
    13 1984, George Orwell
    14 I CLAUDIUS , Robert Graves

    15 TO THE LIGHTHOUSE, Virginia Woolf
    16 AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY, Theodore Dreiser
    17 THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER, Carson McCullers
    18 SLAUGHTERHOUSE-FIVE, Kurt Vonnegut
    19 INVISIBLE MAN, Ralph Ellison
    20 NATIVE SON, Richard Wright
    21 HENDERSON THE RAIN KING, Saul Bellow
    22 APPOINTMENT IN SAMARRA, John O’Hara
    23 U.S.A. (Trilogy), John Dos Passos
    24 WINESBURG, OHIO, Sherwood Anderson
    25 A PASSAGE TO INDIA, E.M. Forster
    26 THE WINGS OF THE DOVE, Henry James
    27 THE AMBASSADORS, Henry James
    28 TENDER IS THE NIGHT, F. Scott Fitzgerald
    29 THE STUDS LONIGAN TRILOGY (Trilogy), James T. Farrell
    30 THE GOOD SOLDIER, Ford Madox Ford
    31 ANIMAL FARM, George Orwell
    32 THE GOLDEN BOWL, Henry James
    33 SISTER CARRIE, Theodore Dreiser
    34 A HANDFUL OF DUST, Evelyn Waugh
    35 AS I LAY DYING, William Faulkner
    36 ALL THE KING’S MEN, Robert Penn Warren
    37 THE BRIDGE OF SAN LUIS REY, Thornton Wilder
    38 HOWARDS END, E.M. Forster
    39 GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN, James Baldwin
    40 THE HEART OF THE MATTER, Graham Greene
    41 LORD OF THE FLIES, William Golding
    42 DELIVERANCE, James Dickey
    43 A DANCE TO THE MUSIC OF TIME (12 novels), Anthony Powell
    44 POINT COUNTER POINT, Aldous Huxley
    45 THE SUN ALSO RISES, Ernest Hemingway
    46 THE SECRET AGENT, Joseph Conrad
    47 NOSTROMO, Joseph Conrad
    48 THE RAINBOW, D.H. Lawrence
    49 WOMEN IN LOVE, D.H. Lawrence
    50 TROPIC OF CANCER, Henry Miller
    51 THE NAKED AND THE DEAD, Norman Mailer
    52 PORTNOY’S COMPLAINT, Philip Roth
    53 PALE FIRE, Vladimir Nabokov
    54 LIGHT IN AUGUST, William Faulkner
    55 ON THE ROAD, Jack Kerouac
    56 THE MALTESE FALCON, Dashiell Hammett
    57 PARADE’S END (Tetralogy), Ford Madox Ford

    58 THE AGE OF INNOCENCE, Edith Wharton
    59 ZULEIKA DOBSON ,Max Beerbohm
    60 THE MOVIEGOER, Walker Percy

    61 DEATH COMES FOR THE ARCHBISHOP, Willa Cather
    62 FROM HERE TO ETERNITY, James Jones
    63 THE WAPSHOT CHRONICLES, John Cheever
    64 THE CATCHER IN THE RYE, J.D. Salinger
    65 A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, Anthony Burgess
    66 OF HUMAN BONDAGE, W. Somerset Maugham
    67 HEART OF DARKNESS, Joseph Conrad
    68 MAIN STREET, Sinclair Lewis

    69 THE HOUSE OF MIRTH, Edith Wharton
    70 THE ALEXANDRIA QUARTET (tetralogy), Lawrence Durell
    71 A HIGH WIND IN JAMAICA, Richard Hughes
    72 A HOUSE FOR MR BISWAS, V.S. Naipaul
    73 THE DAY OF THE LOCUST, Nathanael West
    74 A FAREWELL TO ARMS, Ernest Hemingway
    75 SCOOP, Evelyn Waugh

    76 THE PRIME OF MISS JEAN BRODIE, Muriel Spark
    77 FINNEGANS WAKE, James Joyce
    78 KIM, Rudyard Kipling
    79 A ROOM WITH A VIEW, E.M. Forster
    80 BRIDESHEAD REVISITED, Evelyn Waugh
    81 THE ADVENTURES OF AUGIE MARCH, Saul Bellow
    82 ANGLE OF REPOSE, Wallace Stegner
    83 A BEND IN THE RIVER, V.S. Naipaul

    84 THE DEATH OF THE HEART, Elizabeth Bowen
    85 LORD JIM, Joseph Conrad
    86 RAGTIME, E.L. Doctorow
    87 THE OLD WIVES’ TALE, Arnold Bennett
    88 THE CALL OF THE WILD, Jack London
    89 LOVING, Henry Green
    90 MIDNIGHT’S CHILDREN, Salman Rushdie
    91 TOBACCO ROAD, Erskine Caldwell
    92 IRONWEED, William Kennedy
    93 THE MAGUS, John Fowles

    94 WIDE SARGASSO SEA, Jean Rhys
    95 UNDER THE NET, Iris Murdoch
    96 SOPHIE’S CHOICE, William Styron
    97 THE SHELTERING SKY, Paul Bowles
    98 THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE, James M. Cain
    99 THE GINGER MAN, J.P. Donleavy
    100 THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS, Booth Tarkington

  5. i am baffled, however, that anyone rates handful of dust as waugh’s best.

  6. howardbann1ster

    Seriously, men just can’t catch a break, can they? So discriminated against. WHERE’S THE MENS STUDIES SECTION, HUH????

    It’s the rest of the library, apparently, bucko.

  7. Mikey? Still waiting on those bigotry examples, buddy.

  8. If I told you that Misandry was, in fact, bullshit, and that men, in fact, could write, and write well, and that you, in fact, could learn to write fiction right now if you wanted to tell stories — would you do it?

    No, because you’d be wrong. Also, your blog is terrible and everything on it is wrong. You deny misandry, deny that men have issues, elevate women above men, claim that hurting men is “less bad” than doing the same to women, and laugh at men’s pain. Vile misandrist.

  9. Argenti Aertheri

    Spot That Fallacy!! We have an ad hominem!

    Ad hominem – attacking the arguer instead of the argument.
    Poisoning the well – a type of ad hominem where adverse information about a target is presented with the intention of discrediting everything that the target person say

    Someone’s supposed misandry has no bearing on whether or not you could become a writer Steele/Varpole.

  10. That wasn’t the question, Argenti. The question was, in fact, if Ms. Moonz said that misandry “was bullshit” would I write? The answer is no, because she’s wrong.

  11. No, because you’d be wrong. Also, your blog is terrible and everything on it is wrong. You deny misandry, deny that men have issues, elevate women above men, claim that hurting men is “less bad” than doing the same to women, and laugh at men’s pain. Vile misandrist.

    “No, see, you’re bad and wrong. And vile. Vile bad terrible wrong misandry deny men have problems other shit I made up waaah. Vile.”

  12. Argenti Aertheri

    No Steele, that was one of about 3 questions, the last one being whether you would write if you were told you could. Instead of replying to that, you went on about vile misandrists, and managed to ad hominem in the process.

  13. For fuck’s sake man, if you really want to improve your writing (and I’m not convinced you do), get yourself a damned thesaurus already. “Vile” has plenty of synonyms.

  14. Steele, if you’re an “urban professional” then surely you’re aware that there are any number of classes and workshops that you can attend for creative writing, right? There are writers’ groups, online publishing; any number of resources at your disposal.

    At this point, I have to figure that Steele’s anecdote about the teacher who told him he couldn’t write because he’s male is just pure bullshit. She probably just gave him a bad grade on an assignment because he’s such a terrible writer and his lazy cowardice did the rest.

  15. Tulgey Logger

    vile
    adjective
    a vile smell | his vile crimes: foul, nasty, unpleasant, bad, disagreeable, horrid, horrible, dreadful, abominable, atrocious, offensive, obnoxious, odious, unsavory, repulsive, disgusting, distasteful, loathsome, hateful, nauseating, sickening; disgraceful, appalling, shocking, sorry, shabby, shameful, dishonorable, execrable, heinous, abhorrent, deplorable, monstrous, wicked, evil, iniquitous, nefarious, depraved, debased; contemptible, despicable, reprehensible; informal gross, godawful, lowdown, lousy; archaic scurvy. ANTONYMS pleasant.

  16. So you believe that Misandry is based on facts and logic and is a correct assessment of men and men’s issues?

    When I said “If I told you Misandry was bullshit”, I meant “If I said the specific event you interpreted to be misandry (your teacher saying you can’t write) was bullshit”.

    Dear lord, person! I’m trying to encourage you to write.

    /)_- Facehoof.

  17. Fuck, and I thought BrNdon and MR.AL were the lowest possible denominator of whiney MRA loser.

  18. And the thing, if given the choice, Williams in the sketch would be someone better to hang out with then Steele.
    All you’d get spending time him would be some Junior High kid shit about his “totally real and hot girlfriend” his “super cool and legit job” in between the usual rants of minorities talking to much about racism and world dominating misandry.

  19. *with him
    I think I share Wil’s beer-o-clock.

  20. Why are you still here? Whenever I’m in nerd places that are more or less misogynist or racist, I try to actually correct those flaws in the community. You’re not even doing that.

    Because I’m not interested in talking to someone like you, Rutee. I loathe the thought, in fact. You’ve made up your mind when it comes to this kind of stuff, and I’m completely uninspired by the thought of engaging in another repetitive shouting match. I was recently going through Boobzland’s forum for another post on AMBZ (thinking about reviving it) and came across this:

    Why lookie here, you lumped together one that is almost categorically untrue, as it’s disrespect of the majority, with disrespect for minorities.

    http://manboobz.forummotion.com/t1030-radical-feminism-part-deux#27466

    Ignoring the fact that the first half of the sentence is nonsensical, you’re so invested in denying misandry that you’re literally offended by even noting the fact that radfems can hold anti-male views. (And don’t bother defending yourself, because you won’t get a response. I’m just demonstrating the extent of your views, and why I see interacting with you- and others like you, such as Pecunium- as a waste of time).

    I know you think that part of the point of internet debates is to convince onlookers, but here at Boobzland, I don’t think there are very many fence-sitters; it’s a collection of staunch feminists and staunch MRAs. Everyone’s made up their mind.

    I come here because I sometimes have free time at the workplace, and also I want people to know that there’s another option, and another viewpoint, beyond your bullshit and bizarre head-up-the-ass mental gymnastics. I’m not all that interested in laying out my position over and over in tedious shouting matches with you and Pecunium and Cliff and whoever else- I already did that with the misandry thing, which of course was a nice waste of everyone’s time. But as long as people know about the alternative, I’m happy. Then they can read people far smarter than either of us, and decide for themselves.

  21. BRING IT BACK BRING IT BACK! BRING ANTIMANBOOBZ BACK!

  22. LOL antimanboobz is coming back? I can’t wait!

  23. PLEASE BRING BACK ANTIMANBOOBZ, WE MISS IT SO, AND WE’RE YOUR ONLY READERS EXCEPT FOR YOUR SOCK FRIEND, MAYBE OWLY WILL COME PLAY TOO.

  24. You know, steele, this site has many links to MRM blogs with no shortage of people writing about misandry. You really don’t need to trouble yourself.

  25. But Vitamin D, none of the other MRAs will play with Steelepole.

  26. mikey please please please go back to doing that weird thing where you take a one sentence quote and write like five incoherent paragraphs about it that was the best

  27. also i notice youre conspicuously avoiding those lists of famous and celebrated dude authors

  28. I come here because I sometimes have free time at the workplace, and also I want people to know that there’s another option, and another viewpoint, beyond your bullshit and bizarre head-up-the-ass mental gymnastics.

    LOL. Dude, do you really think that on MANBOOBZ of all places people don’t know that MRAs exist?

    For fuck’s sake, the whole POINT of the blog is pointing and laughing at that “other option”. Though I note, painting MRA-dom as the ONLY other option to being a feminist is demonstrably dishonest. There are tons of people out there who are neither MRA or feminist, and just exist in the kyriarchal cutlure we have. I won’t make the mistake of saying those folks who identify as neither are “neutral” (one doesn’t need to be an MRA to be misogynist, and often folks who have feminist leanings don’t identify as feminist) but I know plenty of men and women who do seem to manage just fine in the world without the MRM.

    @sharc, yeah, I’m not surprised he’s ignoring the lists of dude authors people have thrown at him and is just retreating to “Of course you’d say that because you’re a bunch of poo-poo heads who don’t UNDERSTAND my PAIN!” It’s a lot easier to pretend there’s this feminist conspiracy theory to keep men from becoming authors if you can ignore that… lots of men are authors.

    I don’t buy for a second that you come here to try to recruit people. That would be silly, since as you said yourself, not many people who come here are fence sitters. I think you come here because you’re desperate for attention, whether it’s positive or negative and you want to cry about how you aren’t an author yet and it’s everybody else’s fault but your own.

    Nobody here denies that there aren’t shitty things men face that women don’t, or at least, not in the same way. However, being barred from getting published on account of one’s dudeness is NOT one of those things. We’re not vile for pointing that out, we’re pointing out the obvious. And, IMHO, people here have been more than fair, as a LOT of people have given you advice on how to move forward with your writing, which you ignored, only to once again call everybody names.

    Really, if you’re trying to let people know about the “other option” you aren’t really making that other option look like much more than a bunch of whining over imagined injustices.

  29. howardbann1ster

    But as long as people know about the alternative, I’m happy. Then they can read people far smarter than either of us, and decide for themselves.

    Wait, aren’t you a super-smart business-man student? Who’s smarter than you? Are you sucking up to other MRAs again? Or are you sucking up to the feminist bloggers? You left that one a little ambiguous. If you want to suck up to the MRAs, you probably need to be a little clearer.

  30. I don’t think there are very many fence-sitters; it’s a collection of staunch feminists and staunch MRAs. Everyone’s made up their mind.

    and yet

    I come here because I sometimes have free time at the workplace, and also I want people to know that there’s another option, and another viewpoint, beyond your bullshit and bizarre head-up-the-ass mental gymnastics.

    So you come to an MRA mocking, staunchly feminist site, populated solely by staunch feminists and staunch MRAs (according to you anyway), to let people know that the MRM exists?

    Oh mikey, that misandrist done got you good

  31. The guy with the rape jokes is a dick, but not because he told a rape joke.

    It may not win me any points, but I honestly thought most of his jokes–yes, including the rape ones–to be mildly clever. Making a tasteless joke doesn’t make you a douchebag; making a tasteless joke about a subject matter someone has already expressed offense to does, and in doing so he certainly came off as inconsiderate, although I don’t know that I’ be comfortable calling him a misogynist. An off-color joke does not a woman hater or even a rape apologist make.

    I mean, a dead baby joke doesn’t mean a person hates babies or advocates their death, but it does make them a raging douchewaffle if they tell one to someone mourning a SIDS death.

  32. “He’s not a dick because he told a rape joke; he’s a dick because he told a rape joke to someone who expressly said they didn’t like rape jokes!”

    Oh shit, it’s almost like it was PRECISELY THE FACT THAT HE TOLD A RAPE JOKE that makes him a dick. The only difference between him and the vast majority of people who tell rape jokes is that he knew FOR CERTAIN that his audience wouldn’t like it, rather than just being safe in assuming that at least one person in the audience would be offended, triggered, or otherwise hurt.

    Leaving aside the fact that telling rape jokes tells rapists you’re on their side and helps them justify what they do, never mind whether you intend that or not.

  33. yourbirdcansing88

    I read the entire list for that one guy’s 100 “criteria”. I’ve come to the conclusion that this guy is making it a point to stay celibate. Forever.

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