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The cold hard truth about loose vaginas

Over on Reddit, an MRA named AryoBarzan sets the feminist slut ladies straight on the BIOTRUTH about their ever-growing and FAR less pleasurable vaginas. (Ignore the rude person replying to his message; clearly Aryo is the real penis and vagina expert here.)

 

 

Wait, you say to yourself, how is it that this bold truth-teller is being downvoted, on Reddit? He posted in the antimensrights subreddit, that’s why. In the Men’s Rights subreddit he normally gets the upvotes he so richly deserves.

Note: Post contains, like, a lot of

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Posted on May 29, 2012, in antifeminism, crackpottery, gloating, grandiosity, I'm totally being sarcastic, it's science!, misogyny, MRA, oppressed men, penises, pig ignorance, reddit, sex, vaginas, your time will come. Bookmark the permalink. 206 Comments.

  1. what the average lheterosexual woman anywhere really wants, sexually speaking, is massive phallus and/or tongue. True, ginormous genitals are not the only thing for a male to be able to score a conquest, but they are a sure thing indeed…

    No. What the average heterosexual woman anywhere really wants, sexually speaking, is someone with the body type/penis size/personality/etc. she personally likes. The average heterosexual woman is not actually part of a hivemind, let alone a hivebody, and the things she enjoys and that feel good on her body vary a whole fucking lot from person to person.

    Also, the average heterosexual woman probably does not know a guy’s dick size before she decides to do sexy things with him, because the average heterosexual woman more often than not meets men when they both have clothing on. I’m sure there are cases when a woman gets to see a guy’s erect penis before she ever considers having sex with him for the first time, but I’m pretty certain they are vastly outnumbered by cases when the penis doesn’t come out until sex is already in the works.

    As for the “massive tongue” thing: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. That is all.

  2. I’ve heard average is 5 1/2 and 6 1/2, depending on who you ask. Hence ‘the lowest end of average’.

  3. RE: BlackBloc

    Huh. I heard, like, 5-5.5 myself. But I’m pretty sure official numbers hardly exist…

    Oh god I’m talking about penises on the Internet. *buries face in hands*

  4. “ABNOY’s massive tongue theory” = “Having grown up in a world that celebrates male sexuality and treats female sexuality as non-existent or at best, inconvenient to men, and having made zero attempt to think critically about anything past the end of my own nose, I have no concept whatsoever of what women want or enjoy. I’m apparently am also terrible at giving oral, and choose to blame my apparently undersized tongue for that rather than the fact that I’m not trying.”

  5. Durr hurr, if size did not matter at all to women, then why are female sex toys so damn huge? Not to mention, why are there too many women interested in having sex with animals, specifically those with genitalia distinctly larger than humans? And as for the tongue, well, Gene Simmons would disagree with you…

  6. I’ve had a long argument with this AryoBarzan guy in the comments section of a YouTube video. I have never before encountered such a concentration of stupidity, dishonesty, and hate in one person.

    We got in an argument about whether or not feminism is an inherently violent ideology. His argument was basically “OMG Valerie Solanas!!!!11″. He also said that no MRA has committed or advocated violence. When I brought up Tom Ball as a counterexample, who advocated domestic terrorism, AryoBarzan said something to the effect that Ball was completely justified.

    This is the sort of Internet person who actually kind of scares me. When an MRA claims that domestic terrorism is justified, it’s hard not to wonder whether or not he genuinely means it.

  7. Durr hurr, if size did not matter at all to women, then why are female sex toys so damn huge? Not to mention, why are there too many women interested in having sex with animals, specifically those with genitalia distinctly larger than humans? And as for the tongue, well, Gene Simmons would disagree with you…

    ANNOY, you pack a lot of stupid into relatively few words. I admire your … efficiency?

  8. Durr hurr, if size did not matter at all to women, then why are female sex toys so damn huge?

    Uh, are they even? Maybe you shouldn’t be watching so much porn, it’s giving you a skewed idea of reality.

    Not to mention, why are there too many women interested in having sex with animals, specifically those with genitalia distinctly larger than humans?

    Again, porn =/= real life. You may not realize this but you’re kind of giving away your own personal highly specific tastes here. I’m sure I’m not the only one here who really wishes you wouldn’t.

    And as for the tongue, well, Gene Simmons would disagree with you…

    Omg, and all this time I thought it was the white clown makeup that women were super attracted to! I guess you must be right about all women being attracted to huge tongues thing then. Because that’s not ridiculous at all!

  9. Not to mention, why are there too many women interested in having sex with animals, specifically those with genitalia distinctly larger than humans?

    If women are screwing animals its not because they have bigger dicks you dumbass. XDXDXD

  10. Durr hurr, if size did not matter at all to women, then why are female sex toys so damn huge?

    This is about on par with the 40 Y-O Virgin’s famous scene where he tries to make it seem like he’s had sex and talks about how breasts feel like bag of sands. It just demonstrates to most people that you’ve basically never interacted with ‘female sex toys’.

    What are ‘female sex toys’ anyway? Gonna let you in on a little secret: lots of men shoving dildos up their ass. If anything, I’d say the hugest shit tends to be something men buys, while women are quite happy with tiny vibrating eggs. You DO know that many many more women come from clitoral stimulation and could care less about penetrative toys, right?

    Not to mention, why are there too many women interested in having sex with animals, specifically those with genitalia distinctly larger than humans?

    Your porn fantasies are not reality dude.

  11. CassandraSays

    The women love huge cocks thing again? As someone who’s actually dated a man with a cock of gargantuan, porn star proportions…no. That was not nearly as much fun as it’s usually assumed to be. A bit bigger than average? Sure, awesome. Way bigger than average? No thank you, because my vagina is not made of nerf.

    Honestly, really huge cocks are mostly just inconvenient from a sexual pov.

  12. CassandraSays

    (Your mileage may vary, obviously, but I really don’t think I’m unusual in having this opinion. All the true size queens that I know are gay men.)

  13. RE: CassandraSays

    No, I’m with you.

    –Miranda

  14. RE: ABNOY

    You… REALLY haven’t seen many toys marketed to women. Have you.

    Seriously, by this logic, wouldn’t all tampons and shit be GINORMOUS as well?

  15. Durr hurr, if size did not matter at all to women, then why are female sex toys so damn huge?

    First, no one said, “size does not matter at all to women.” Size quite frequently matters to women. Just not in the way that you think. I, for example, freely admit that I care about penis size: I care that my partner’s penis is not so large that it hurts me and makes sex unpleasant. Others have expressed the same concern. It is not an uncommon concern. I would guess that most people who are on the receiving end of penetrative intercourse have some preference as to size, but for most of them, that preference will be “the size that fits the part of my body that’s being penetrated in the most pleasant and comfortable fashion.” Women’s bodies, like men’s bodies, vary in size and shape. There are absolutely women who prefer great big penises. And there are absolutely women who prefer small penises, or medium penises, or short, fat penises, or long, skinny penises, or smallish-to-medium penises that curve to the left, or whatever. I’m not sure how many times we have to repeat “people are actually individuals with individual preferences” before that message penetrates.

    Second, dude, I do not think you have seen many sex toys for women. Are there some that are very large? Absolutely! Are there also a whole fucking lot that are NOT very large? Yup! One of the absolute staples of the sex toy industry is the “bullet,” a toy which generally measures something like 2” in length and 1” in width. If that is “so damn huge” to you, then you maybe need to see some more penises, because I have yet to encounter a guy who brags about his massive 2” cock.

  16. Re: bestiality by human women

    http://jezebel.com/5899168/woman-wants-to-have-sex-with-animals-reddit-strangely-accepting-of-this

    “And on an isn’t-it-interesting-that-the-IAMA-is-a-lady sidenote, Nancy Friday’s infamous 1973 collection of women’s sexual fantasies, My Secret Garden, had 23 fantasies that included animals. Out of 190.”

  17. Argenti Aertheri

    “And as for the tongue, well, Gene Simmons would disagree with you…” — pretty sure it’s that he’s a rock star, not his tongue. In any case, being turned on by Gene Simmons’ tongue =/= choosing sex partners based on tongue size. For one, most people stand exactly 0% odds with Gene Simmons; for two, you made me say “turned on by Gene Simmons’ tongue” and just ew.

    Also, seconding that the “bullet” is a staple, and tiny, while anal plugs tend to be the largest, and mostly used by men (and other prostate-havers).

  18. Durr hurr, if size did not matter at all to women, then why are female sex toys so damn huge? Not to mention, why are there too many women interested in having sex with animals, specifically those with genitalia distinctly larger than humans? And as for the tongue, well, Gene Simmons would disagree with you…

    So much fail.

    1. Some female sex toys are huge, some are moderate, some small, all allow for women to personally control the amount of penetration. So if a woman gets a ten inch long dildo but can only handle five inches, she only inserts it five inches. There is no rule stating you must insert the entire length of the dildo.
    2. There are too many of them? How many is too many? Both men and women have animal fetishes. TBQH, it seems more like women taking on donkey’s and whatnot is to turn a man on, not the woman. Just like certain porn positions which are realistically doing nothing for the woman involved and are all to arouse men watching.
    3. Gene Simmons was a rock star. He got women because he was a rock star. Pretty much all rock stars get laid a lot regardless of tongue size.

    Honestly, a penis that is too big means I can’t have frequent sex with that person because I have to wait a day or two to recover. But regardless, the size is the last thing I actually care about because every other aspect of a man is what turns me on.

  19. “And on an isn’t-it-interesting-that-the-IAMA-is-a-lady sidenote, Nancy Friday’s infamous 1973 collection of women’s sexual fantasies, My Secret Garden, had 23 fantasies that included animals. Out of 190.”

    Having sexual fantasies doesn’t mean you want to or do carry it out in rl.

  20. CassandraSays

    Argh! Dave, you’re evil.

  21. that shows been on the air for like two years, right? i seriously doubt that’s the first time someones had that idea.

  22. I’m sure someone had the idea about 40 seconds into the first episode.

  23. Well, now I have seen everything…

  24. There are several reasons for vagina of women to lose his tightness. Vagina most commonly loosen after delivery of a child and it’s very difficult to tight it again.

    http://healthdescription.com/2013/08/18/how-to-tighten-loose-vagina/

  25. How about not necroing eighteen-month-old threads with idiotic links?

  26. Am I the only one hearing that in the voice of Latka from Taxi?

  27. Well, if it’s just between us two, then yeah. :D

  28. I’ve never heard someone use masculine pronouns when talking about a woman’s vagina. It’s kind of bizarre.

  29. I don’t think that (spambot?) is a native English speaker.

  30. I dunno, Kittehs, for a spambot, it at least SORT of spoke on topic? The bots I got were just word salad.

  31. Maybe an advanced spambot!

    I had a WTF chuckle with a spambot on my blog a while back. It was telling me (in genuine spambot not-really-English) my blog was full of terrible spelling and grammar mistakes. Hmm, I guess you could say that, if I’d been trying to write in spam. :P

    However, if it was an actual person necroing this thread, I’d still say maybe not a native English speaker. That “his” was a bit of a tell.

  32. Well, it didn’t offer to enlarge my nonexistent penis, so it’s already ahead of the game as far as spambots go.

  33. Sometimes I let spam through the filter just because.

  34. kittehserf, I get a lot of spam like that, comments saying that there are grammatical mistakes, or that the pages don’t load right in explorer, etc. But they often give it away with names like “gucci bags for less.”

  35. LOL David, I think this one was much like that. They’re all from totally irrelevant *cough* companies *cough* anyway.

  36. I guess a certain proportion of 20 year old women should be saving themselves for ten years just so 30-year-old men have a zero-baggage dating pool? Will we have to assign which 20 year olds do that by lottery or something?

  37. ummm…. look at female porn stars… gaped out.
    and maybe the women defend the cock hopping sluts so they all don’t get a bad name should look at some pictures. yes, vagina stretches, and when it’s being stretched out constantly by all sizes of dick believe me it gapes open…

    I know when my long term g/f has sex with somebody else – most men do – and it usually comes with bacterial vaginosis and a nice stanky fishy smell – but the sluts won’t reveal that truth because they want to have their cake and eat it too. it’s like eating at a road side taco stand, eventually it’s gonna change ya, and fast. women and their constant lies I tell ya… so let ‘em lie and let ‘em think they’re have the upper hand = oh yeah, we men been doing that since – – – the beginning. Well, some of us anyhow…

    guys, you know the truth… and so do you “liberated” women – but here’s the thing = no man wants a slut who rode every dick in sight for whatever bs yolo excuse they’re concocted… which is why as a man gets older his options increase and as a woman gets older her options decrease – but broads NEVER ever see this reality.

    men, enjoy your lives… to it’s fullest.

    just wear a condom and trust no woman. prostitution comes in any and every form and IS this worlds oldest profession – for a reason.

    ever.

    and men, if you want ANY woman, and I do mean any woman – there is one simple way to ensure you get what you want and deserve and how your learn it is to actually watch a woman – you’ll see…

    and don’t worry gals, I ‘probably’ won’t tell men how to nail any of you at will – and it has nothing to do with status or money or anything glitzy or shiny and shallow… lol = so easy.

  38. ummm…. look at female porn stars… gaped out.
    and maybe the women defend the cock hopping sluts so they all don’t get a bad name should look at some pictures. yes, vagina stretches, and when it’s being stretched out constantly by all sizes of dick believe me it gapes open…

    Of course it has nothing to do with how vaginas relax during sex at all. Do you always get your anatomy lessons from porn? Are you like 15?

    Also it has little to do with “sluts” anyways. By your logic, someone who has sex with loads of men every night is still never going to be as stretched as a 100% abstinent woman who had sex once with her husband and then had a baby.

    Also explain this so called “loose” mother of multiple children: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/08/worlds-strongest-vagina_n_2837269.html

  39. cassandrakitty

    Even putting aside all the other stupidity in dudebro’s comment, if you can find me a “slut” who doesn’t work in porn who’s having as much sex as the average porn performer then I’m going to rather surprised.

    Also, I feel like we need a specific word for the subset of misogynists who’re really obviously freaked out and disgusted by the female body.

  40. RDRACR, I’m not even going to touch the rest of what you wrote, but you do realize that when women give birth entire human beings pass through their vaginas? (Well, most of the time; I was a Caesarean.) And yet their vaginas recover from this. So unless your girlfriend is regularly having sex with dudes whose penises are literally the size of babies I think you are perhaps worrying a bit too much about the possibility of “gaping.” Maybe lay off the porn for a little while, or find a different genre of porn to watch.

  41. cassandrakitty

    Did you also note the fact that a. every man other than him is apparently carrying STDs, and b. he’s apparently in the habit of sniffing his ladyfriend’s vagina. I presume that he then pees on her leg like a dog marking its territory.

  42. I know when my long term g/f has sex with somebody else – most men do – and it usually comes with bacterial vaginosis and a nice stanky fishy smell

    Wow, please for the love of god take an anatomy class. The bacteria in vaginas doesn’t come from outside sources, you idiot. It’s natural like the bacteria in your intestines. The smell varies with individual people, diet, washings (on the outer parts), monthly cycle, and many other factors. Sex is not a factor, unless you’re talking about an STD that smells, and that has little to do with how many people they’ve slept with, but whether or not they’ve had unprotected sex with someone infected. Even then, “fish” smell isn’t specific to an std. It’s a pretty normal smell.

    Could you at least *try* to be scientific about this? I mean, this is like basic stuff you’d learn in high school anatomy.

  43. Another ignorant misogynist pretending to have first hand knowledge of vaginas? I’m shocked, shocked I tell you!

    Let me guess, breasts feel just like bags of sand, don’t they, Sparky?

    Sexual activity doesn’t wreck an organ that’s designed for it. Sexual activity doesn’t make a vagina stink, anymore than it makes a penis stink. What you don’t know about sex and the female anatomy could fill volumes. So, that fantasy gf who lets you sniff test her fidelity? I’m not buying it.

  44. cassandrakitty

    OMG, everyone, did I tell you about this when I first read it? Because it was the best. OK, so, my friend linked me to this anime forum where dudes were talking about women’s bodies, as they apparently do, and this one guy described breasts as feeling like marshmallows. I have to admit, I loled pretty hard.

  45. Soft, puffy and best when covered in chocolate?

    That sounds
    erh
    erh
    uhm

    what point was I making?

  46. cassandrakitty

    Also sold in packets of 20-100, and sometimes available in strawberry, banana, and other assorted flavors.

    (The banana marshmallows were kind of awful, btw. I wouldn’t recommend those.)

  47. Plus coffee shops just love serving them in hot chocolate.

    The “every other dude makes her stink, I KNOW IT” bit made me laugh. Like, yeah, his wonder peen doesn’t have any odour at all, and doesn’t have any physical effect on her vagina*, but all those Other Dudes’ peens totally do.

    Funny how all the dudes she’s allegedly having sex with aren’t sluts or whores or whatever. Are we to believe they were all virgins before they met her?

    * probably true, since I doubt his ladyfriend exists, or that his wonder peen has ever been anywhere near any vagina that wasn’t plastic.

  48. “no man wants a slut who rode every dick in sight for whatever bs yolo excuse they’re concocted…”

    “men, enjoy your lives… to it’s fullest.”

    So… “Yolo” is only for men now.

  49. Plus coffee shops just love serving them in hot chocolate.

    Hahah.

    All of my follow up jokes involving roasting or melting, so that’s terrible, but that made me laugh kitteh.

    oh wait no.

    Often available in seasonal variants. How about some easter boob? q:

  50. Fibi, you’re one of the wittiest, funniest people I’ve spoken to online or off, so making you laugh is a real win! :)

    Easter boob makes me think of all those Scary Easter Bunny photos. Gahhhhhh!

    I had to look up “yolo”. It looked like a typo for yoyo. Okay, I know, I’m old!

  51. Wut?:

    it’s like eating at a road side taco stand, eventually it’s gonna change ya, and fast

    Having a lot of sex is like eating at a roadside taco stand. OK. Not really, but, OK.

    And that change will come eventually…and it will come fast. Eventual change that comes fast. Eventual – happening at some future time or after a series of occurrences. Fast – at high speed or within a short time. That’s kinda a contradiction there, isn’t it?

  52. cassandrakitty

    I was a bit confused about that part too. Does having lots of sex potentially lead to getting the runs in his world?

  53. cassandrakitty

    Or maybe having sex at a roadside taco stand will make you fat, eventually but very fast. So one day you’ll have your usual 2 tacos al pastor, or whatever, and the next morning you’ll wake up 50 pounds heavier and with a mysteriously cavernous vagina.

  54. Is it just me or is their something eerily homophobic about a man who thinks too many other dicks ruin a woman’s vagina and cause it to give off a distinctive smell?

    It’s like he’s afraid that by touching her where she touched another man’s cock, he’s only one degree away from touching another man’s cock. He’s half way to gay already. No wonder he’s so angry. She keeps making him think of touching penises!

    That eventual, but sudden horrific change that will happen to our vaginas if we enjoy them too much is supposed to scare us away from sex. See, having sex with men will make men not want to have sex with us and then …

    I’m really not sure how that’s supposed to work.

  55. Memo to our ignorant necro-ass:

    VAGINAS ARE SELF-CLEANING. THEY DON’T RETAIN THE SMELLS OF ALL THE MEN WHO HAVE EVER BEEN THERE.

    ALSO, VAGINAS ARE MADE OF MUSCLE AND ARE SO RESILIENT THAT WHEN THEY’RE DONE HAVING SEX — OR, HELL, JUST GIVING BIRTH — THAT THEY SIMPLY GO BACK TO THE SIZE AND SHAPE THEY WERE BEFORE IT ALL HAPPENED. VAGINAL STRETCH-OUT IS A MYTH.

    Sorry for the ALL FUCKING CAPS, but these guys are so damn dense that one has to shout. (And even then, who knows if anything ever gets through to these idiots?)

  56. and men, if you want ANY woman, and I do mean any woman – there is one simple way to ensure you get what you want and deserve and how your learn it is to actually watch a woman – you’ll see…

    and don’t worry gals, I ‘probably’ won’t tell men how to nail any of you at will – and it has nothing to do with status or money or anything glitzy or shiny and shallow… lol = so easy.

    Translation: I know nothing about women, I am totally sexually inadequate, and I’m crying inside over the fact that even my imaginary “long-term gf” is cheating on my sad-sack ass.

  57. cassandrakitty

    I ‘probably’ won’t tell men how to nail any of you at will

    Hint – it starts with an “r” and ends with “pe”, but don’t worry, people won’t notice if you wrap it up in enough adjectives and wear aviator goggles.

  58. “I’ve got an awesome idea! Let’s get massively angry at women for having sex with men, and shame them for it, but also get massively angry at women for NOT having enough sex with men! That way, no matter what they do, we can be pissed about it!”

    Brilliant plan, dudez. Do everything you can to make women fear they’ll become undesirable if they have whatever too much sex is (unless, I assume, it’s sex all the time whenever you want it, with you), but then also slam them for being selective about who they have sex with.

    I wonder if these guys have any idea how ridiculous they sound to people who actually own vaginas and use them regularly? How clear they’re making it that they have no real experience with vaginas, and how snotty and pseudo-superior they sound when they insist a looser vagina is looser because of too many dicks?

  59. I just love when some idiot who doesn’t have a vagina and (I’m assuming) isn’t a gynecologist thinks he knows better than those of us who have vaginas. How does he think we wear tampons if our vaginas are stretched out. They’re smaller than the vast majority of penises. I’m no virgin. Yet I have never had a tampon fall out of my gaping maw of a vagina. How could that be?

    Child, you don’t know a damn thing about vaginas and you should embarrassed about your ignorance. Please use the magic google machine to educate yourself on the wonders of human anatomy before you attempt to speak with authority.

  60. The sad thing is, being a virgin does not mean you can’t be well versed in anatomy and human sexuality. They teach classes. Books are published. Even if you live in an abstinence only education state, the info is obtainable. There is no need for anyone to know nothing about sex and sexuality until they are sexually active. In fact, that’s a horrible way to approach sex. This isn’t the Dark Ages. A young man with no sexual experience outside of masturbation has no excuse for thinking vaginas wear out like the elastic in an old pair of panties or for not knowing that they behave differently when aroused, just like male genitals. These things aren’t secrets kept in a far off tower, guarded by a dragon.

  61. And even what you see in porn doesn’t stay that way. As soon as she closes her legs — boom! “Gape” gone. Doesn’t matter how much sex she just had with whomever. Everything bounces back to the way it was. If it didn’t, we’d all be incontinent!

  62. I grinned when I go to this part:

    guys, you know the truth… and so do you “liberated” women – but here’s the thing = no man wants a slut who rode every dick in sight for whatever bs yolo excuse they’re concocted…

    I mean, random punctuation, an equals sign, subject/verb mismatch… That’s some of the best trollish I’ve ever read. But I didn’t actually laugh out loud until this bit:

    just wear a condom and trust no woman. prostitution comes in any and every form and IS this worlds oldest profession – for a reason.

    ever.

    Ever? Ever what?

  63. The “every other dude makes her stink, I KNOW IT” bit made me laugh. Like, yeah, his wonder peen doesn’t have any odour at all, and doesn’t have any physical effect on her vagina*, but all those Other Dudes’ peens totally do.

    That was the part that was making me LMAO, too.

  64. and maybe the women defend the cock hopping sluts so they all don’t get a bad name should look at some pictures. yes, vagina stretches, and when it’s being stretched out constantly by all sizes of dick believe me it gapes open…

    Not all men are shallow enough to think that the number of a woman’s sexual partners is important or that vaginal tightness is literally the only thing that matters.

  65. This guy might be in the running for troll of the year, which is really a sad commentary on our trolly pickings thus far.

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