There’s an app for that! By “that” I mean “penis.” And by “app” I mean a doohickey to attach a Fleshlight to your iPad.
Maru the cat wants none of this.
Ladies, your time is up! The sexy robogals are here! Prepare for the end of feminism and the eventual elimination of all women, with the possible exception of some of the really hot ones, so long as they don’t have too many opinions of their own.
Now that I’ve got your attention I should point out that the sexy Robogals aren’t quite here yet. The not-quite-Robogals currently available, as we’ve seen, are a lot more scary than sexy.
But one dude has a much simpler and less horrifying solution: he’s invented a doohickey that will allow horny penis-having people to attach a Fleshlight to their iPads, so they can pretend to be having some sort of sexual relations with images of actual sexy ladies (or sexy anything else, for that matter) on their iPads.
Read more at The Register, which also has a photo of the doohickey at work. (Dude fucking it not pictured.) I really didn’t feel like having that picture here, hence the gif of Maru the cat with his head in a bag.
Posted on January 27, 2012, in creepy, kitties, men who should not ever be with women ever, MGTOW, misogyny, penises, sex, sexy robot ladies, vaginas. Bookmark the permalink. 361 Comments.
Thank you for picturing Maru. There are some things you just can’t un-see.
So THAT’S what TDWLW keeps talking about!
That just seems like it has all sorts of ways for it to get awkward and messy. I don’t own an iPad, but I really wouldn’t want to put anything of this sort near my technology.
I don’t even… whyyy did I click that link??
Whatever. There have been USB vibrators for years.
…What?
Maru’s thrashing tail makes me nervous.
“Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry.” — The Cheshire Cat.
All they need need now is an iWomb and we women are doomed!
So they can visualize themselves having sex with a iPad-sized woman, according to the picture which I now wish I could unsee.
Well, I can’t blame them for wanting a sexyrobot, I’ve always had a thing for Lt. Commander Data. But getting a fleshlight hooked up to their iPad doesn’t seem logical. Why not just use the fleshlight while watching porn?. This is confusing.
iWomb- Good one, Kendra.
…how is this not just like screwing a rubbery gif?
Don’t get me wrong, I love sex toys and sex tech. This is just kind of low-tech for the kinds of things we can do today. Really what would work better is a fake vag console into which an iPad can dock, then play through variations that would stroke based on the program (probably some porn video encoded to the strokes). That’s a decent piece of software.
For women, it would have to be something with hydraulics, like a low-key fucking machine. Same dock concept, though.
Woomba?
That’ll teach us!
I’m renouncing feminism right now!
I suppose, it could be interactive, with like a virtual woman on the Ipad, and maybe what you feel changes to match the video too…
you see to me a robo person would be really really boring if there ws no AI…and if there was an AI robo woman…who knows what she would be like! They might be feminist! AHHHHH!!!
Like we keep saying……go ahead and go your own way with your Real Dolls and your fleshlights. You are not John Galt, and society will survive without your sexual participation.
This isn’t intrinsically misogynistic. I have sex with lifeless disembodied male parts and I don’t want to shame a man doing the equivalent. Maturbation is a legit hobby.
Yeah, I’m perfectly fine with the MRAs doing whatever they want as long as they aren’t harming others xD If they want to have I-fleshlights or whatever, more power to them :D It’s their money and their time and their body :3
It’s the weird “THIS WILL REPLACE WOMEN FOR ALL MEN AND THEN WOMEN WILL VANISH” thing I never get o_O
Am I the only one who thinks this is the best thing since the vibrator that syncs up to your iPod so you can get off to Tim Curry singing?
I listen to almost entirely sports talk radio on my ipod XD I wonder how that’d feel interpreted in a vibrator xD (though I COULD get off to Bob McCown’s voice even without any tools *-*)
That’s some serious human ingenuity!! Go on with your bad selves!!
Holly, I don’t want to imply that sex toys and/or bots or misogynistic, or that it’s shameful for dudes to use them.
But given the number of MRAs/MGTOWers who hope that sex toys will replace women, I feel obligated to report on the latest developments in this field.
One of the weird things about them is the “TAKE THAT WOMEN, I”M HAVING PLEASURE AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME” narratives they have o_O
I suppose it dovetails with the idea some of them seem to have that being against harassment, assault and rape are more about taking pleasure away from them, than about who they’re harming, and that’s some sort of horrible oppression to them… so in the same way they think we MUST be against them masturbating b/c it’s men getting pleasure and we can’t stop them! xD
A “doohickey”? LOL. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
I’ll be honest and say I never really “got” sex toys, for either men or women. Do they really up the ante in masturbation sessions? Mine are pretty damn good as they are with just my own body.
Hey! Maybe this means feminists will now be able to have nice peaceful uninterrupted comment threads from now on?
For the guys who like this idea, have fun!
I’m with Maru on this one. Not even clicking the link.
“One of the weird things about them is the “TAKE THAT WOMEN, I”M HAVING PLEASURE AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME” narratives they have o_O”
It extends beyond that, though. Like MRAL is so convinced that feminists are hypocritical and devoted to making him miserable that he keeps going “yeah well I have preferences too! so there! what do you say to that?”. It’s really weird. Why do they think that we care what they do with their imaginations and/or penises as long as they’re not forcing us to be involved?
“It extends beyond that, though. Like MRAL is so convinced that feminists are hypocritical and devoted to making him miserable that he keeps going “yeah well I have preferences too! so there! what do you say to that?”. It’s really weird. Why do they think that we care what they do with their imaginations and/or penises as long as they’re not forcing us to be involved?”
It has a strange aspect of narcissism, doesn’t it? We can go on all the live-long day saying we don’t care what they do, that they’re allowed to do as they please, and they’ll STILL probably treat it as some kind of point of confrontation.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Giving a crap is hard work. I’m not going to spend all that hard work on random guys who are, at the heart of it, totally inconsequential to me. Then again, this goes for random women, children, and houseplants too. I have my relatively small circle of people I give a damn about and beyond that? I try not to worry too much.
Actually giving a crap about MRAL or any other MRA cuts into valuable knitting time.
This is almost as surreal as that one MRA’s ideas of a pussy fountain.
Actually, no. Nothing comes close to that.
@ Naira
Is there anything that a woman can say that a sufficiently misogynistic dude can’t use as the basis to start an argument? If so we’ve yet to find it. Most MRAs could start a screaming fight over “please pass the salt” or “would you like some more potatoes?”.
Most MRAs could start a screaming fight over “please pass the salt” or “would you like some more potatoes?”.
Potatoes are a feminist plot. (DON’T ASK ME HOW! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY WITH IMPORTANT MAND00D STUFF?!?) As for passing you the salt, well…you know the laydeez, always with the demands, amirite?
“Please pass the salt” = Women are taking away our salaries by demanding equal pay!
“Would you like some more potatoes” = When we have more potatoes you will accuse us of potato privilege! There’s no such thing as potatoarchy!
>>I’ll be honest and say I never really “got” sex toys, for either men or women. Do they really up the ante in masturbation sessions?
Let’s just say you can pry my Aneros from my cold, dead… err, I’d complete that thought but it’s a bit nasty.
Sex toys are to sex as a sous-vide machine is to cuisine. Sure, we’ve spent thousands of year having perfectly adequate sex or food without them, but if you can add them to your repertoire every once in a while you’ll be really happy about it.
I know all my lady friends are happy when I bring the Magic Wand over.
Men invented salt. We hunted the mammoth so that women could stay at home and eat potato bon-bons.
Dan Savage did an interesting bit on this. Sex toys for women have gotten pretty socially acceptable — heck, I’ve had girlfriends bust out their newest purchases to show off to me — but for a man to own a sex toy is still seen as pretty skeevy.
I look forward to the MRM taking this up their next crusade.
I swear I saw a documentary like 15 years ago about people developing tech for virtual sex. It involved a rubber suit with inflatable bladders all over, so that under computer command they’d inflate and deflate and give the wearer the sensation of pressure, like a hand moving over them or something. There were VR goggles. It showed a person in the suit, all wired up and connected to huge banks of computers. It was very strange.
They hadn’t developed it yet, but they were talking about they could maybe use an inflatable dildo for a suit for somebody who wanted penetration.
BTW what happened to all our regular trolls? Did they stop pestering us because they realized they couldn’t win?
I think they all got banned, Boggi. Though NWOslave hasn’t been around for a while…
The “creep shaming” argument that I really do support and get behind is the “fleshlight pathetic, moreso than vibrator” thing. I definitely see that as a cultural problem. (Though female masturbation isn’t the most amazingly positively viewed thing in the universe either, like mra’s twisting that argument like to pretend) Men sex toys are cool by me.
Though on the other hand, men’s regular hand-using masturbation is seen as way more culturally acceptable.
So, toys for women are more acceptable, wanking one out with your bare hand for men more acceptable.
That needs analysis, mayhaps.
Which doesn’t mean we shouldn’t laugh at all sex toys.
Cause sex toys are funny.
And yeah, if anybody, man or woman is talking about how much better they are than real people, who had better watch out, well yeah, that’s some creepin.
I think it plays into the idea of male sexuality being simple and natural while female sexuality is weird and impossibly complicated…
“The “creep shaming” argument that I really do support and get behind is the “fleshlight pathetic, moreso than vibrator” thing. I definitely see that as a cultural problem.”
Hmm. You know it might be because if a woman brings a toy to the sack with her man, it is seen as sexy and fun. But what if you were in bed with a man and he brought his fleshlight? How would that work, and why?
Well, women OBVIOUSLY need something to go inside our vaginas because that’s the only way we can actually feel pleasure. There’s clearly no point messing around with this mythical clitoral glans, which we are totally making up anyway just to make our male lovers feel inadequate when they can’t find it. We can’t possibly masturbate without a substitute penis.
Or maybe the idea that PIV is the only enjoyable sex, and while someone with a penis could imitate that with their hand, someone with a vagina would require a penis-like object to penetrate?
In any case, I agree that it’s deeply unfair that men using sex toys is considered so taboo. Women in sexual relationships are often expected to have sex toys. Men who use sex toys are assumed to be totally incapable of finding a partner for sex.
Unimaginative put it better!
http://www.scarysextoyfriday.com/
MRAs have already incorporated this into their crusade. I see a thread on /mensrights (and Reddit’s “humor” boards) every week about the TERRIBLE INJUSTICE of this double standard. I hope they realize feminists are on their side here. Women are dildo-shamed too, and I think we all want to have the rights to masturbate freely. Traditional (Patriarchal, you might say) notions that it’s not “manly” to use sex toys are the problem here.
Another reason for the double standard is because “Fleshlight” has become the “Xerox” of male sex toys in the English speaking world. The name is a bad pun, the flashlight camouflage is not fooling anyone, and it’s marketing campaign was rape-y — IT NEVER SAYS NO (I still like this artist, I’m sure he needed the paycheck). Fleshlights helped create the image that sex toys for men are childish, shameful, and used by jerks.
The market needs to be taken over by the more stylish and tasteful tenga brand.
The “IT NEVER SAYS NO” link is NSFW, by the way!
To be fair, I’ve found it possible but fairly difficult to get off with just my hand — I do so like the vibration — whereas I’ve never met a guy who wasn’t fine with just his hand, plus some lotion, maybe. So perhaps the idea is that masturbation devices for penises are more advanced, and are for people who are simply more into masturbation than the average person with a penis. (Of course, there’s no reason why “being really into masturbation” needs to be shameful; I’m simply trying to think about where some of the difference is coming from.)
I think the creep factor in a sex toy like this is that it’s not just the genitalia but it’s a now added a limbless, headless female torso. Call me a misandrist or whatever, I think its gross and I’d think the same if it was a headless, limbless male torso with a cock attached.
Whatever though, if it keeps misogynistic lunatics away from real women, I’m all for it.
Also to be honest, I think it would be much more..err…appealing if robotics and AI got to the point where they could make lifelike robos for lonely men and women like me who are 10 pounds overweight and over the age of 21 therefore doooooomed to be a cat lady because of it. So yeah. It’s not so much that I have a problem with AI sexbots (preferably if they pass the uncanny valley), it’s just when creeps like Meller and other MRAs get off on some sick fantasy of killing off all women because all men will turn to sex with AI. Hey Mellertoad and all other AI MRA enthusiasts? what makes you think there wont be a market for male AI or that women can’t just go to a sperm bank and reproduce without a man?
I know I’ve posted it before but…never mind the name, it’s pretty tame xD http://glossynews.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/robot-sex.jpg
This may make things a bit more interesting for the employees behind the counter at the Apple stores. Maybe they should start keeping a box of gloves around.
Tenga Eggs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i6kWbdTvjk) are like $5 apiece and they look like you can just go to town on them. This awkward wad of latex and tablet-cover is just going to force Apple techs to find ways to tactfully explain that the standard warranty doesn’t cover any of the infinite ways a man could fuck his iPad to death. “Would you be interested in our extended plan? For an extra $100 it will cover cracked screens and we ask no questions about anything we find when we open it up.”
The stigma about male sex toys is mostly due to the idea that if you were getting any, you would not be masturbating. Which is fucking bullshit. I like watching movies with friends, but I like watching a movie by myself, and I don’t think of it as “well if I was better at making friends I would be always watching movies with friends”. Sometimes you just want the ‘me time’.
In any case, the way most PUAs and MRAs act, sex for them is just masturbation with another human being. The whole point of masturbation is that it’s okay to be a selfish lover in that case. It’s all about pleasing yourself. But if that’s also all you’re doing even with a partner, well… I can see why you wouldn’t need masturbation.
Call me a geek, but I’m a bit worried about the iPad being broken. And I don’t understand the point: if you put some porn on the screen, it will definitely not look like a humanoid. And if you put a still image of a torso like on the picture, how is that better than a doll?
Like Valerie I’ve also got a bit of a thing for Data, it’s nice to find somewhere where I can admit that
And nothing against fleshlights but have these guys got no imagination at all? Do they not have the ability to see naked ladies in their head
I’m pretty sure that exists.
Seriously. People: you’re supposed to masturbate while looking at your computer screen, not by fucking something attached to it!
@David
Fair enough. Anything that keeps the MRAs well away from actual women constitutes a public service.
I see shmorky.com doesn’t allow hotlinking, so here’s the awful fleshlight ad, nsfw.
It’s not important, but it helps illustrate why sex toys for men have a bad reputation.
The high-level MRAs like Mellertoad and AntZ know about this all too well, and they are JEALOUS as fuck. That’s why they fantasize about artificial wombs, lol. I see a flaw in their dream planz: where are they going to get the eggs? Some evil woman will have to supply them! So how is the woman-free future going to work out?? Will they have to ‘farm’ female babies just for their eggs? *shudder* It’s all so freaking horrible, but that’s the inhuman future they want to live in.
my stupid link still didn’t work, HERE [NSFW] http://i.imgur.com/Maet1.gif
All I can think of is, I’ll never buy refurbished electronics again.
The great thing about a fleshight is that you can stick a dildo into it, and then you’ve replaced both people! It’s sex without any interpersonal problems at all!
Except for the interpersonal problems caused when you tell someone you sit around making your dildo fuck your fleshlight.
@Xardoz:
“This pussy never says no!”
Ugh. Yeah that was pretty bad.
Masturbation is a great way to kill some time, and I encourage everyone to have their fun with it. But really, one of its great joys is that it’s different than partner sex; adds variety. The attempts to collapse the difference are perplexing to me. I’m glad, for instance, that as more women get into the sex toy designing business, dildos are actually looking less like penises. Not because I don’t like penises (*cough*), but because I’ve always thought, whilst looking at realistically penis-looking dildos, that they aren’t fooling anyone.
Which is to say, I agree with you Holly, but I never completely understood the attempts to get a facsimile of partner sex. Do people really have such poor imaginations? I guess some do.
Well, I’ve seen some videos of guys jerking off using a clear fleshlight. You can see *everything* that’s happening, and personally I found that pretty hot. Maybe I could hold the fleshlight for him? :D
Also, I can see how this would be handy if one partner was into penetration, and the other partner wasn’t really into penetrative sex. You could do something kinky together, then watch while he came into it as a finale?
Holly said: “I have sex with lifeless disembodied male parts”
I’m confused, what makes them ‘male’?
“That’s why they fantasize about artificial wombs, lol. I see a flaw in their dream planz: where are they going to get the eggs?”
Using an adaptation of this technology, one would assume: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/8682142/Stem-cells-used-to-make-artificial-sperm.html
They’re not the only ones who ‘fantasize about artificial wombs’ either – lots of trans women and wombless women do too.
Some people want a dildo that simulates a penis for whatever reason. A lot of times it is because they find their masturbation to be psychologically “hotter” if it mimics some aspect of partnered sex or if it reminds them of some particular person’s penis. There’s a big difference between trying to remember a disembodied dick in your head and actually feeling one. It’s a similar reason to why the fleshlight comes in anus/vagina/mouth openings; it’s not to replace imagination but to enhance it in certain ways by making certain aspects of the fantasy come to life.
Also, some people really just like penis-related partner sex that much and that’s their primary masturbation fantasy. I would suppose that’s actually very common & hence the popularity of penis dildos.
There’s also the fact that a lot of penis dildos come in impossible or difficult to find sizes for real dicks, which is useful for both solo and partnered activity. Realistic dildos are also good for various kinds of gender play (again, solo and partnered)– if you don’t have a cock, or hell, if you just want five or something, it might be important to you to simulate a “real” one as closely as possible to complete the fantasy. The company that makes the Feeldoe finally released a realistic penis-like one after ages because people asked for it.
FWIW, I’ve found that I can’t keep all the complicated aspects of a scenario-related sexual fantasy in my mind at once, and if I try it feels “dead” and artificial. When I do fantasize (which I didn’t, for nearly 10 years or so, and still don’t that often) I often fixate on very simple things like one body part or touch or something. It’d be nice to have a penis dildo around because in some sense I really do have such a “poor imagination” and being able to look at it, touch it, use it, etc. would enhance things on the occasions I am thinking about dicks.
@Molly Ren- oh my God your suggestion about using a fleshlight during sex with partners who are not super into penetration is GENIUS. I’m going to start suggesting it as an alternative to sexlessness on all of those threads about women suffering from pain on penetration, who are not super fond of penetrative sex as a result.
Me too. I think it’s because of the episode where Data and Tasha Yar got it on. He mentioned being “programmed in several techniques”. The Borg queen seduced him in First Contact. He also had a girlfriend once, but he wasn’t that romantic.
I, like others, am imagining those awkward conversations at the Apple Store:
“Sorry, the warranty doesn’t cover … well, whatever it is you’ve done to this poor iPad.”
Don’t get me wrong–I love my iPad and take it everywhere with me. It’s totally changed my life. I just don’t want to fuck it.
A friend had me see a video about a guy who had a bajillion sex dolls, and the guy on the video went on about how a sex doll will never cheat on you–not like a REAL woman. I’ve never seen a video about a woman with a collection of 50 dildos say something like that about men.
The “men replace, women supplement” idea probably contributes to the idea that men who have sex toys are losers while women aren’t. Look at our trolls–they assume women can get laid no matter what, no matter when. So a sex toy is just for when she’s not being pounded by some Alpha dickhead. But a guy’s fleshlight? Well, that means he’s some Beta or Omega loser who isn’t rich and hot enough to get real pussy. Therefore, deride! Deride away!
**not trying to imply that most people believe in the alpha-omega bs, but the same SORT of idea applies when we talk about actual non-troll people
Well not having piv sex doesn’t make you sexless. I don’t see why the only alternative to not having piv would be sexlessness.
I can certainly think of uses for a fleshlight or similar in partnered sex, especially since one of the people I regularly fuck doesn’t orgasm easily.
Hooking it up to a iPad baffles me, though. How would the angles work? Wouldn’t you get fingerprints on the screen? And it’s not as if it’s a convincing simulation of partnered sex.
Cuz heteronormativity? : /