Dudes: silent no more!
This tiny kitten actually has nothing to do with the post.
Did Tom Matlack of the Good Men Project – not to be confused with Ben Matlock, fictional defense lawyer beloved by the elderly – swallow one of those mysterious “red pills” I keep hearing about on Men’s Rights blogs? Whatever he swallowed, it’s apparently causing him to hallucinate.
How else to explain his recent post on the GMP site titled “Being a Dude Is a Good Thing.” Now, as a dude who spends a good deal of time every day being a dude, I’ve got nothing against anyone being a dude, provided that’s what they want to be. It’s just that the piece itself is full of some rather strange generalizations that don’t actually seem to be, you know, true, at least not in what’s commonly known as “the real world.”
Rather than try to rebut his argument, because he doesn’t seem to have much of one, let’s just look at some of his loopier pronouncements:
Why do men get blamed for everything?
Uh, because they don’t? Sure, men get blamed for things, but guess what? Women get blamed for things all the time, too, from witchcraft, to divorce, to getting themselves raped, battered or killed. They’ve been blamed for earthquakes, for “inciting” male lust, for killing chivalry and “killing off real men,” for “taking roles intended by God only for men.” Heck, some inventive sorts have even figured out how to blame women for men who are assholes. And this guy has decided that “Black Women are to blame for the disrespect Black Men show towards Black Women.” For endless additional examples, scroll back through the posts and comments here, visit any of the blogs on my “boob roll,” or simply continue living on planet earth.
Back to Matlack, whose generalizations get more surreal by the sentence:
In the locker room, in the bathroom, on the walk out of the board room, in my conversations with men of all kinds, that’s what I hear more than anything. The resignation that to be a man is to be unacceptable at some level to the woman in your life.
Really? Who on earth are you hanging out with? And what women are they hanging out with? Are men other than Tom Matlack and his possibly apocryphal conversational partners actually having conversations like this on a regular basis? If the “woman in your life” basically hates men, what is she doing with you, and what are you doing with her?
One close friend jokes, “When speaking to my wife I always make sure to look at the ground in deference. And I make sure not to make any sudden movements.”
Um, what?
I’ve watched him. He loves his wife.
He’s a very competent human being. But with her he’s decided the only way to survive is to submit. The female view is the right view. The male view just gets you into trouble.
You see what I meant before about the hallucinations, right?
But Matlack suggests there is hope for the poor demure, never-before-heard-from men of the world. Apparently they are starting to open their mouths at last.
It seems that the blame game in the mainstream, whether through the minimization of male life in pop culture or on television or through the continued obsession with men behaving badly, has finally struck a chord with the average guy.
Let’s just pause a moment to reflect on this whole “minimization of male life in pop culture or on television.” Mr. Matlack, do you actually watch movies or television, or visit libraries or anything like that? Most movies revolve around men as the main characters, with women in many cases serving as little more than a love interest or simply as scenery. Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test? Read up on it, run the test on some of your favorite films, and then get back to us on the “minimization of male life in pop culture.”
Now back to Matlack’s manifesto:
We are no longer willing to be blamed for being men. We are no longer willing to avert our gazes and stay silent about our feelings. We are raising our voices and telling our stories in our own male vocabulary.
Yeah, because men have been so utterly silent about their feelings, their opinons, and pretty much everything, up until now.
To women, I assume the response is, “well, it’s about time.” But just remember when we talk it’s not going to sound like a women in a man’s body. It’s gonna be all dude. And you are just going to have to deal with that.
Ladies, prepare yourselves for a lot more Dudesplaining in the near future. Dudes will be ignored no longer! Dudes!!! DUUUUUDESSS!!!!!!
EDITED TO ADD: Matlack’s gotten some responses on Twitter to his dudely roar; he’s posted a bunch of them here. Guest appearances by Amanda Marcotte and (seriously) Roseanne Barr.
Posted on December 16, 2011, in beta males, manginas, misogyny, MRA, nice guys, oppressed men, rape, rapey, reactionary bullshit, victimhood. Bookmark the permalink. 400 Comments.
@ozymandias42
A tad touchy tonight are we? Just picture all men wearing flowery spring dressy’s and openly weeping to an episode of the view. The image’ll take you to a happy place.
Actually I wonder if that’s why Hugo bugs MRAL so much. There’s a definite undertone of “I feel so ashamed and guilty” to a lot of what Hugo writes, especially about sex, and I can see how to a guy who has some self-loathing issues and discomfort around the issue of sex that could come across as “and you should be ashamed too!”.
Like I said, he has some interesting stuff to say, and he’s definitely smart, but there’s a pious, hectorting, judgey sort of tone to a lot of his writing that really can be offputting. I feel like in real life I might find him to be kind of a downer.
@Xanthe
” This site (and the posters who comment here) mocks ideas that are worthy of being mocked.”
You mock, what in your ideology driven opinion dictates you mock. Just because “you” say something is mock-worthy, doesn’t make it so. The hubris is astounding. You are right by default. The arrogance boggles the mind.
I made a kool quote geode!
Oh well, you can still read what I wrote.
I got the same vibe too. It’s why I stopped reading his stuff years ago. Hint, hint, MRAL.
NWO, why would I want all the men to do that. You’re missing the whole point.
Men can wear flowery spring dresses and no one should give them shit for it.
Men can wear Don Draper-esque suits and no one should give them shit for it.
Men can cry and no one should give them shit for it.
Men can be stoic and no one should give them shit for it.
Men can watch the View and no one should give them shit for it.
Men can watch the Deadliest Catch and no one should give them shit for it.
In fact, men can cry sometimes and be stoic sometimes, wear suits sometimes and wear flowery spring dresses sometimes, watch the View sometimes and Deadliest Catch sometimes, and no one should give them shit for it, because no one should give anyone shit for doing things that make them happy and don’t hurt anyone else.
@Xardoz
Ack! I’ve been called a homophobe. I must not cower before the political correctness monster. Oh no! I don’t belong in the 21st century. Since at different points in ancient history, right before the collapse of any civilization, they also promoted sodomy. Maybe it’s you who don’t belong in the 21st century.
I think I’m going to respond to NWOslave with pictures of Christina Hendricks.
Any objections, anyone?
“I got the same vibe too. It’s why I stopped reading his stuff years ago.”
Me too. I get the distinct feeling that if we met in real life Hugo would Not Approve of me, and he would remind me of all the most lecturing-prone relatives that I go out of my way to avoid. Nice enough person, but not my kind of person at all.
Interesting. Do go on.
NWOslave, of course ideas are open to being mocked! Oh, sorry, I forgot you live in an alternate, totalitarian reality where some ideas simply aren’t up for questioning or criticism.
@ozymandias42
Sounds like you’re promoting a bunch of women-centric men to me. Do you think women are so goody-good-good that men should act like women. Kepp in mind, contrary to ideology, men and women are different. It’s not socialization that makes men and women think and act differently. It’s nature.
Oh that’s right, you believe in science and stuff except when trumped by feminism.
Basically he makes me feel like behaving like a rebellious teenager just to piss him off, so I can only imagine how great the temptation to do so would be for an actual teenager.
Spearhafoc, more, please! She’s so gorgeous, but that second dress looks like a Victorian lampshade. Sometimes her stylist really lets her down, or if she’s doing it herself, she needs some help for RC events.
Have you seen her new Black Label ads?
Can you point us towards peer reviewed studies that show women and men have fundamentally different personalities?
I’m trying to think of something offensive to say to to get Hendricks’d. But it doesn’t come natural. I piss off my partner my being so gosh-darned PC! D’oh! See?! I called her my partner! Gah! I’ll never get Hendricks’d at this rate.
@Xanthe
Well that’s why I mock feminism. It’s such a ludicrous notion that woman have ever been oppressed. I mean if men have always worked harder more deadly jobs, sacrificed more for women and chidren, died more often from every concievable angle. Just basically suffered more across the board. How the hell can women ever claim any sort of oppression?
NWO, dude, I am firmly in the “my ass has an Exit Only sign on it” camp, and even I’m finding your obsession with the evils of “sodomy” a bit weird. What gives? As long as no one is trying to do anything to your ass why do you care?
NWO, why do you care so much if some men do want wear dresses? What skin is it off your ass?
Live and let live, your blood pressure will thank you. Atenolol can only do so much for a guy like you.
@CassandraSays
“As long as no one is trying to do anything to your ass why do you care?”
That doesn’t mean I can’t/shouldn’t find it vile and repulsive. While feminism promotes it, I promote against it. Just because feminism says something is right and acceptable, doesn’t mean it is. You seem to continually fall under the feminist spell of, “if a woman says it’s acceptable, it is.”
Up until relatively recently, it was perfectly legal for a husband to rape his wife. Jesus Christ, NWOslave.
Feminism neither promotes not condemns “sodomy”. That’s the point – if it doesn’t directly involve our particular asses, we don’t care. So the question is, why do you care, and why do you think anyone else should care that you care?
Oh, Spearhafoc – the olive sweater set/dress is one of my favorite Joan Holloway looks. Have you ever read the series TLo did (and, hopefully, will continue) analyzing the costumes of the characters? It’s pretty awesome.
Yeah, but, honestly, why is it wrong? Your beloved Founding Fathers wore wigs, ornate costumes and powdered their faces. Fashions change. There’s nothing necessarily unmasculine about a dress. They’re not that different from the robes that were standard menswear for most of history.
Nobinayamu, that TLo series is excellent.
@Spearhafoc
Really? Can you show me the law that says, “It is a mans right to rape his wife.”
Yup. I’ve used a lot of the stills for their site in my fashion sketches (I like to keep catalogs of interesting or cool clothes for use in future art).
@NWO
yea…confining women in the home as incubators, denying them education, a strong voice, the right to vote and own property/their own funds as well as pushing the notion that women are inferior to men is just total freedom right there. And no women died in childbirth. Ever.
Not all men worked dirty jobs and died, and not all women were privileged high society who sat at home doing nothing at the expense of their husbands. MRAs pushing this historical lie is just that, a lie.
I’ve been a fan of TLo since the original blog, Project Rungay. The Mad Men costume analysis is one of the feathers in their collective cap. And it’s been nice to expose more of my friends to fashion nerd stuff by linking that series. A win-win. I can’t wait for the new season.
Nebraska was the first American state to declare marital rape illegal (in 1976). Before then, the marriage contract was legally understood as automatic consent, which could never be withdrawn.
Unfortunately NWO doesn’t understand consent, so what you just said will be wasted on him.
NWO, I know you frown upon Wikipedia, but seriously.
If one spouse doesn’t have the right to say no, then the other spouse has the right to rape them. It’s a pretty binary situation.
NWO: Please explain to me how consenting adults doing things in private is any of your fucking business (or mine). Are you somehow being forced to watch gay porn? Read slash? Attend Pride parades? No? Then stfu already.
@Quackers
I’m sure your ancestors would be happy to know you found all the men in you long lineage to be rapists who kept women as incubators. Did the few years between the time women and men were each given the unversal right to vote in all of history really mean oppression? Since women in the wyoming territories were given the right to vote before men were universally given the right to vote does that make those women oppressors? Those bitches!
Poor little coddled women of history. How harsh it must’ve been. Picture all the modern coniences you have today as not yet existing. Now tell me, could women compete with men as loggers, carpenters, stonemasons, shipbuilders? I don’t think so my pampered little princess. They also didn’t die from all those nasty jobs. And the elite owmen did rule just as the elite men ruled. Issabella sat at the table with ferdinand and the pope when they divied up the new world.
Make no mistake, there is no moment in time where women didn’t have it easier. You seem to think before a 100 years ago thruout history big daddy was there to lower the UPS shipping weight to 40lbs so women could compete equally.
Little snowflake Quackers thinks a 100 years ago people were hopping in their air-condition nissans, firing up lady gaga on their satilite radio and off to the office for a breezy day of paperwork. Nuh-uh princess.
Fact: the military law code only agreed that a man could rape his wife in 2007. 2007, NWOSlave!
I’ll second Spear’s request for a peer-reviewed scientific study suggesting significant non-cultural personality differences between men and women as expressed through clothing choices, media consumption, and emotional display. Particularly since, as recently as ancient Rome, trousers were considered unmanly and real men wore tunics which had what we would today consider a skirt.
I’m actually a sex differences agnostic: I believe part is biological and part is societal, but the exact details we need to wait for the neuroscience for.
Spearhafoc,
I am posting in sincere admiration of your responses to NWO – his latest reply to me clearly shows he’s a visitor from another dimension where history proceeded on completely different lines. And the photos of Christina Hendricks… umm, if you keep going, I think I’ll have to go and lie down. >:)
@KathleenB
When gayness is promoted in schools, the government and the media it becomes my business.
It’s true, La Hendricks does often fall down on the red carpet. I presume she wants to be as far removed from the character of Joan Holloway (difficult; Joanie is iconic) as possible when appearing as herself. But her choices often do her a disservice. Still, she’s so ridiculously beautiful. I don’t always approve of her choices but I can’t really say she looks bad.
Obviously, NWO doesn’t understand consent. He thinks that when he’s aroused by a woman, that woman is sexually assaulting him. He referred to the Jerry Sandusky scandal as that “…penn state thing…”. There are any number of concepts that NWO lacks the intelligence, moral core, and basic sense of human decency to understand. Consent is but one in a long list.
I notice NWOslave is ignoring the marital rape issue. How is that not oppression?
Oh, right, I forgot how extremely high infant mortality and the likelihood of dying in childbirth through most of human history means women had it easy. Keeping a house, tending crops all that shit was just like sitting around all day eating bonbons. Good thing you’re around to educate us, NWO.
Yeah, men worked in mines and factories and farmed and hunted. Women did those things, too, in addition to bearing and raising kids, and keeping the house.
@ozymandias42
No, you’re a promoter of men acting like women. I’ve seen your blog that, hahahaha, promotes teh menz.
NWO: No, it does not. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t make it automatically bad. I can’t stand Indian food (naan being the notable exception), but that doesn’t mean that I have the right to tell people not to eat it.
Also, promoting tolerance =/= promoting being gay.
If schools turn kids gay, then why are there numerous straight men that come out of the educational system? Straight men like me, for example.
I see we’ve entered the Nasty Sarcasm point in The NWO Show.
Nobinayamu: Oh, no disagreement, she is drop-dead gorgeous. I get wanting to not always be associated with Joanie, but one of her best looks recently was that sparkly red cardigan with the matte red pencil skirt. Some of those retro elements just work on her.
Do I act like a woman, NWOslave? I certainly don’t dress like one. I wear suits most of the time.
Er, not that women can’t also wear suits.
She’s been rocking a few of those Vivienne Westwoods lately.
Homosexuality is not being promoted. Not being outlawed and condemned is not the same thing as being promoted.
And, seriously, what the fuck is it with you and Nissans? Seriously, I realize that your life is a tragic misery of thwarted desire, dreams deferred, self-inflicted loneliness and despair… but the Nissan is hardly a hallmark of luxury. I mean, yeah, if you go for the Infiniti series. But it’s mostly a low to mid-range series of automobiles known for reliability and decent gas mileage. I drive a no-frills Sentra. My car note is under $200 a month. The thing (knock-wood) has never given me a lick of trouble and requires nothing but general maintenance.
@KathleenB
“Yeah, men worked in mines and factories and farmed and hunted. Women did those things, too, in addition to bearing and raising kids, and keeping the house.”
Well of women did all those things, what the hell were the men up to? Hangin out playin hounds and jackals at the local saloon?
Gee, did men oppress women with the dangers of childbirth? What a foul bunch they must’ve been back in the day. Let it be known far and wide, men oppressed women thuout history because of childbirth. How else did men oppress women in the past? Poor women, men didn’t even let them die in staggering numbers as stonemasons and loggers and seafarers. Oh how evil men are.
Ooh, I love that peachy dress on her.
How is encouraging people to not bully or brutalize gay kids (or adults, for that matter) a bad thing? If people are having sex that doesn’t involve you, doesn’t impact you, doesn’t intersect in your sex life in any way, how is it your business?
Big fan of Ms. Hendricks in Firefly. Love the space cowgirl look on her. :)
Are you even slightly aware of how often women died in childbirth before modern medicine? Oh, how silly of me. You’re not aware of anything that happens outside of your fevered imagination.
Big fan of Ms. Hendricks in Firefly. Love the space cowgirl look on her. :)
The first time I watched “Our Mrs. Reynolds” was in a large group of geeks, and the two universal consensuses of the room were that absolutely everyone present who was sexually attracted to women wanted to sex her up, and absolutely everyone present who was herself a woman wanted to steal and inhabit her body (and then spend all day staring at herself in the mirror going, “Look at my SKIN! It is THE BEST SKIN”).
(I’m only in the second group, but if I were ever to go bi, it would probably be for Christina Hendricks. :-p )
Here are some
Loggers
http://sierraloggingmuseum.org/jamborees/2009-14th-annual-logging-jamboree/
http://www.superintendentmagazine.com/print-1473.aspx
Masons:
http://www.toolworks.com/bilofsky/trips/chinapub/pages/0768%20…%20and%20old-fashioned%20Chinese%20hand%20labor,%20like%20this%20woman%20hauling%20bricks.htm
Riveters
http://www.historicalstockphotos.com/details/photo/131_woman_riveting_an_a-20_bomber.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2025015/World-War-Two-colour-photos-capture-Americans-mobilising-battle.html
And a shipwright:
http://www.smh.com.au/national/women-fight-to-crack-the-perspex-ceiling-20110812-1ique.html
@Nobinayamu
“Seriously, I realize that your life is a tragic misery of thwarted desire, dreams deferred, self-inflicted loneliness and despair”
Did your intuition deduce all this? Golly! If I take hormones will I get some of that ESP?
Well it’s been real but I’m tired. However, I’ve learned sooo much. Men have oppressed women thruout history with childbirth. By doing the jobs women couldn’t possibly compete with men for, since those were the only jobs available. By being maimed and dying in those jobs. By caring for their families. Being a selfless, hardworking, caring husband in the past meant raping your incubator wife. Being a wise, caring father meant ownership of children whom men saw a little more than chattel or cattle.
Yes, I’ve learned so much thanks to feminism. Now you see why I mock the mockers.
Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that ‘twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what’s all this here talking about?
That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain’t I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain’t I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man – when I could get it – and bear the lash as well! And ain’t I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother’s grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain’t I a woman?
Then they talk about this thing in the head; what’s this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That’s it, honey. What’s that got to do with women’s rights or negroes’ rights? If my cup won’t hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn’t you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?
Then that little man in black there, he says women can’t have as much rights as men, ’cause Christ wasn’t a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.
If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.
Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain’t got nothing more to say.
The cardigan pencil skirt combo was great. If I were Hendricks, I’d have Janie Bryant and team make everything for me. The Westwood’s have suited her; the strong corseting is wonderful on her. And I know she doesn’t have designers throwing dresses at her because she isn’t sample sized and designers are cheap. I just wish she’d stick to what works for her: classic, clean lines, structure, and strong colors. Mouret’s earlier work would’ve been perfect for her.
NWO, I know that pointing out the cognitive dissonance of your writing is pointless as tits on a boar, but come on man. Mocking misogyny is hubristic and arrogant, but deciding that you are the sole arbiter of what constitutes appropriate displays of masculinity isn’t?
Why should your opinion matter? Who the fuck are you? You’re an angry, lonely, middle-aged man who thinks that 11 year old girls dress sexy and contracts are made binding by the use of all caps. You don’t think men should wear dresses… Okay. Some men are still going to wear dresses no matter how many times you yell about it on the internet.
Hell, I’m thinking of going to the drag queen brunch tomorrow.
@NWO
a few years? try 60 you dumb fuck.
1850 Property ownership and tax requirements eliminated by 1850. Almost all adult white males could vote.
1870 The 15th Amendment is passed. It gives former slaves the right to vote and protects the voting rights of adult male citizens of any race.
1920 The 19th Amendment guarantees women’s suffrage.
http://www.infoplease.com/timelines/voting.html
Yea…all the menz did soooo much! women did nothing. That’s exactly what history told us. Although I understand why filthy misogynists like you believe that, because women’s work is always devalued. It was worth nothing which is why it paid nothing. Raising kids, growing food and feeding your family, sewing their clothes…no, that wasn’t important at all. Can you mine or log naked on an empty stomach? I’ve heard it all from you and you other MRA lying sacks of shit. Tell me NWO? what do YOU do? do you log? do you mine? No. You fix milk machines or some shit. And you have enough time to type lies and disgusting shit on the internet. Some hard life you have.
Keep believing that men where so oppressed though, and had no power or perks at all. Keep pretending that even poor men were still ranked higher than there poor wives. You will be laughed at.
And don’t call me princess you patronizing turd.
@Polliwog – I’m queer, but I’m oblivious as hell. The skin didn’t occur to me and, to be honest, I had no concept of how large her breasts are. When I saw scenes from Mad Men later I was like, “Where on EARTH did those come from?!!!!”
I’m just a sucker for red heads. Le sigh…
Every. Single. Fucking. Time. I think NWO can’t get any stupider, he proves me wrong. I mean, there has to be some kind of lower limit, right? Somewhere?
@KathleenB – I really don’t think there’s a lower limit. I determine how much energy I have on a given day or evening or moment before reading comments from people I know are gonna push my buttons. Tonight? I’m in a good mood and heading to bed soon, so I’m not even gonna peruse.
I used to have fights with my siblings (when we were under the age of 10, mind you) about whose pain was worse when we got hurt, who got sicker, whose chicken pox itched more. Stupid kid stuff, where if you win, it was because you’d lost.
That’s all I can hear in my head when I read NWO posts. Stupid kid-like whining for attention.
“Every. Single. Fucking. Time. I think NWO can’t get any stupider, he proves me wrong. I mean, there has to be some kind of lower limit, right? Somewhere?”
Nope, with NWO, there is no lower limit.
No, it’s pretty obvious to me too.
How about it, NWOslave? How is it not oppression that humans were given carte blanche to rape their wives?
No, NWO, I don’t have intuition, female or otherwise. But unlike you, I do have reading comprehension and a decent memory. Nearly everything you’ve ever written here indicates that you are miserable, lonely, full of despair, and have achieved very little of what you hoped to do with your life. A few days ago when you made that pathetic post about your work buddies coming over to your house to “group-tube” manboobz with you…
Like I said, if I didn’t think you’d earned every ounce of your misery, that kind of display would’ve made me feel sorry for you.
NWO: You’re a horrible excuse for a human being with no compassion or empathy. But I’ve just learned something horribly sad: Etta James has terminal leukemia. That lady had a voice!
bostonian: Sigh. I was afraid of that.
NWO also fails to realize that that white men who did those hard laborious jobs actually got paid. Money= freedom and independence. What money did the majority of women get for the work they did? who did women rely on for money? how is one sex relying on another for money freedom?