Maxim explains “How to Cure a Feminist”
Given that we live in a feminazi gynocracy, with evil feminasties controlling all that we see and hear, it’s amazing that something like this ever found its way into print. This is from Maxim, in 2003. I found it here. Click on it to see it full size.
In the interest of accuracy, I would like to note that the woman pictured below might not be an actual feminist, as her armpit hair appears to be fake.
From Maxim, 2003.
NOTE: This post contains
Posted on December 13, 2011, in antifeminism, evil women, I'm totally being sarcastic, idiocy, misogyny, reactionary bullshit, that's not funny!. Bookmark the permalink. 522 Comments.
THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!!
“What must women do to earn equal pay for equal work?”
Equal work.
“Has Gloria Steinem’s marriage hurt the feminist agenda?”
No, because it never was the nobody-can-get-married agenda.
“Did you see Cagney & Lacey on Lifetime last night?”
No, that show’s like a million years old. If you want a slightly more recent feminist shibboleth, try Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
But this isn’t really about feminism. Really it’s about “how to pressure a butch girl into being femme for you,” and the answer is you can’t, fuck off, I’m butch and I’m awesome and I love boys and you could’ve been one of them if you didn’t keep doing shit like buying me tight tank tops when you know I wear flannels and t-shirts.
FUCKING lvoe the feminist gynocracy destroyed and the cbitches pwned.
John, honey, you’re just as dull as MRAL. No one here’s getting “pwned” but you.
At least the “bitches” can type through our rage-spittle. Maybe you’d feel better if you went for a run, or watched a movie you like?
I have work to do, so I can’t run or watch movies I like. I am just saying, that chick was pwned.
Yes, because being turned from butch to femme is “pwnage.”
There’s so many things wrong with that I don’t even know where to start.
IMO, Stage #2 is the best stage.
Maxim mag is the anus of menz magazines.
Since John is MRAL and MRAL is banned, it’s time to ban John and any other alter ego he chooses to create here.
Regarding the article, I find it hilarious that the “cured” feminist is embodying one of the evil female traits that MRAs scream about — namely, being shallow and only interested in the material goods a man can give them (“Your camaro makes me so hot!”) So just like your basic MRA, Maxim clearly believes that women are terrible, no matter what they do.
Also, penisocracy? Have the guts to use the real P word. It exists.
Um, MRAL, you know that “chick” was fictional, yes?
Stages #3 and #4 are veering dangerously close to alpha fuck territory, and also they look fucking stupid. Stage #1, obviously, is misandric. But Stage #2 is optimal.
Things Wrong With That, An Incomplete List
1. The idea that femme is less dignified than butch, so she’s been “lowered.”
2. The idea that it is desirable to “pwn” someone you’re in a relationship with.
3. The idea that it is justifiable to “pwn” someone for not being the type you’re attracted to.
4. The idea that it’s okay to make someone change their identity for a relationship.
5. The idea that if someone makes sacrifices for a relationship, you have “pwned” them.
6. The idea that any actual woman not a paid model would fall for this anyway, seriously.
Blitzgal, I assume Maxim was utilizing clever satire; the term “penisocracy” is a Swiftian response to the hysterical feminist buzzword “patriarchy”, which does not exist in any meaningful form.
…You know they’re all the same woman, right?
Yea, but they’ve been altered is the idea, I think that #2 is the best alteration while Maxim seems to think #4 is. IMO, though, #4 looks like an alpha bitch.
She doesn’t know you think that, though, MRALJohn. She thinks she’s doing men a favor by looking as attractive as she possibly can. She’s working harder–wearing more makeup, putting more work into her hair, wearing much socially riskier and less comfortable clothing–in order to make men like her appearance as much as possible.
She’s not looking down on you–she’s busting her ass to suck up to you. To be good enough for you.
And this is the thanks she gets?
If it makes you feel better, #2 also probably isn’t attracted to a man who might randomly scream at her and who secretly hates her vagina and the fact that she has rights. So it’s not like she’s any less picky just because she’s a little plainer.
I have a question – when was MRAL banned? I have been negligent about reading the comments lately, so just curious? Also, why?
Oh, and John – I know someone already mentioned this, but the girl pictured above is a paid model, not someone who actually began as a feminist and was magically transformed due the the “techniques” described in Maxim. So she really wasn’t “pwned” by anyone.
Are you fucking with me? She’s not busting her ass to suck up to ME, she’s busting her ass to suck up to the alpha assholes (ie, 10% of men) and hop on the Carousel.
That’s what gets me. Arrogant women put makeup or whatever on to appeal to a tiny slice of men, and then fyms bitch and blame about how they “make themselves pleasing to men”, yeah, er, no they don’t. They make themselves pleasing to 5% of men, the alphas, those VERY VERY few men who rule the goddamn planet. They are quite distinct from “men” as a gender. If you’re not an AA, you get sneered at.
MRAL, I have dated men shorter than you and I guarantee I’ve dated uglier.
What I haven’t dated is nastier.
If you’re determined to think of yourself as a poor little Beta, put some work into your fucking hideous personality.
(Hell, even in MRAL delusionland–WHICH IS A DELUSION IT IS NOT TRUE I HAVE SUCKED A FIVE FOOT FOUR UNEMPLOYED MAN’S COCK BECAUSE HE WAS NICE AND FUNNY–you can’t really do anything about it. You can’t make women attracted to non-Alpha-Assholes. So you might as well get a hobby or something.)
#2 is NOT plainer, she’s just less of a fucking bitch.
Are you parodying yourself? She’s a photograph. A photograph of the same woman.
Are there “bitch clothes”? Then you’d better make like NWO and explain to us which ones are the bitch clothes so we can all make sure not to dress like a bitch.
We’re still not fucking you, though, not because of how you look or how rich you are but because your personality is frightening and off-putting.
Probably Stage #4 got buttfucked by a callous Alpha Asshole right after that Photoshoot.
MRAL, the whole ‘greek system’ of alphas and betas the MRAs have put in your head is a load of nonsense. That’s all there really is to it, but fine. I hope your happy now that you’ve convinced yourself that a non-existent social class system is the source of all your woes.
Hey, I’m not talking about me. I am discussing wider societal implications.
And they have little thought bubbles displaying their true colors, Holly.
Stage #1: Misandric, obviously.
Stage #3: TRANSLATION: “Maybe I need an Alpha Alpha Alpha Prime to complete me.”
Stage #4: TRANSLATION: “Your Camaro makes me so hot (as long as you’re an Alpha Alpha Alpha Prime)”
Stage #2: Nothing objectionable.
That’s my reasoning.
Probably she got dressed and went home because she’s actually an ordinary person who has a job as a magazine editorial model.
I have no idea what kind of relationship she’s in but it’s probably one with a guy she likes.
Serious question, MRAL: have you heard of marriage? That thing where two people get together and only fuck each other? How does this fit into your “women are all sluts for assholes who all throw them away after one fuck” cosmology? People still do get married!
There is such a thing as a couple. Don’t you realize what a hole that simple human fact punches in your delusion?
Both idiotic and emotionally manipulative. Only upside is that anyone who seriously believes this shite might actually learn something when they are attempting step #1 and maybe pick up some actual feminist beliefs
“Arrogant women put makeup or whatever on to appeal to a tiny slice of men”
I agree. You don’t have to date these women you know. I do dislike it when women try too hard to get a guys attention. It’s pretty desperate and shows low self esteem.
“She won’t object to you opening the occasional door or picking up the check”
But that’s misandry! This magazine is full of shit.
>>>Maxim mag is the anus of menz magazines.
Failed analogy. I don’t like to have my Maxim magazine licked when I’m really horny.
(To be fair, I don’t have a Maxim mag, because… well, do I really need a reason?)
Those thought bubbles were written by a male editor and he was exaggerating. I’m not going to defend an imaginary woman to you, especially not one from a man’s imagination.
But I have a homework assignment for you. I want you to go to the mall. (It’s hell right now, I know. I’m sorry.) And I want you to look at the couples there. All of the couples, not the ones that catch your eye and boil your blood. Just the sort of men and women who go together to pick up some Yankee Candles or golf clubs or whateverthehell. Notice the sort of people they are.
Every sort.
Notice how some of the men in couples will look a bit like you, or at least nothing whatsoever like Brad Pitt. I can’t promise they’ll be with gorgeous women but you never said that you demanded that; they’ll be with women.
Realize that you’re not all wrong–there is something about you that repels women. But it’s something extremely changeable. It’s the way you talk to us and about us. You can fix that. You can be an Alpha Of Treating Women Like People.
Nope, no “bitch clothes” but that totally is some bitch hair. I mean look at it, it’s like she blowdried that shit and everything!
Dammit, I thought I had put John/MRAL’s newest info in the moderation filter. Well, I have now.
@Holly: I’ve actually noticed that it’s the generally the prettier couples that don’t get along very well. You can totally tell when it’s a superficial relationship.
Look, Holly, I don’t know. Maybe things change when you get older. I just go by my experiences.
So, the other day I was on Youtube, and I was watching the video for that Starstrukk song by 3OH!3 and Katy Perry, and I happened to look at one of the comments. This girl says “that blond guy is kind of cute”. (She was referring to Sean Foreman.)
KIND OF CUTE?!? Even as a very straight guy I can see that Sean is maybe even hotter than Pitt. He’s like a perfect physical specimen. What the FUCK? I got so fucking mad it ruined my whole goddamn day. If someone like Sean is only “kind of cute”, what the fuck does that say about how Alpha Bitches view the other 3.5 billion men on the planet? That girl is a fucking elitist arrogant bitch.
Oooo, it looks like John/MRAL just got pwned.
Good. I’m sick of seeing him constantly wishing anal rape on people.
And Holly is exactly right. People like MRAL who seethe with rage at the tiny percent of women they want to fuck and can’t simply DO NOT SEE the majority of humanity.
This is turning out to be one of my favorite blogs. I’m a lesbian feminist, but I think I have a crush on you. <3 Look at that! You cured me! Lol! Just kidding, I'm only half-lesbian, but I do consider most men to be vile. Love your blog though. ;)
Well then you can fuck right off, because that’s not what we’re about here. :)
How to make a feminist woman dateable:
-Be a feminist man.
Bust is not a feminist-lite magazine. It’s a sex-positive feminist magazine. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. Sex-positive feminism is not the tastes-great-less-filling of feminism.
For the advanced class, we will discuss how butches, virgins, queers, the hairy-armpitted and other undesirables can still be sex-positive feminists.
” If someone like Sean is only “kind of cute”, what the fuck does that say about how Alpha Bitches view the other 3.5 billion men on the planet?”
People have different tastes you big silly. Personally he’s not to my taste. I prefer someone kinda nerdier.
@ozymandias, I’m hairy pitted AND wearing a dress and heels right now (and don’t find Brad Pitt particularly hot, to reference John’s most recent tirade)… which class do I get to go to?
Personally, I think Sean Foreman is kind of cute.
I think my boyfriend–who is fatter and nerdier and less famous and goofier-looking than Sean Foreman–is super cute. Even though he’s less Pittlike than Sean Foreman, I like him more.
It can work like that.
Also, WTF to “Turn an unshaven, militant, protesting vegan into a real girl!”
There’s so much wrong with it.
Really? One woman on a comment section of a youtube video saying a man was ‘kind of cute’ sent you into spasms of rage?
That’s a pretty big hint you might have issues. People have different tastes. People have different ways of expressing their taste. This should not ruin anyone’s day.
People have different tastes you big silly. Personally he’s not to my taste. I prefer someone kinda nerdier.
Ha! exactly. I tend not to find most stereotypically “pretty boys” hot and instead go wild for…. well actually I don’t really have a physical type, I tend to find whoever I’m attracted to emotionally/intellectually/socially as the hottest person then and there, no matter what they look like.
Funny thing is, “kind of cute” can be a turn of phrase meaning “super hot, but I’m understating it to be cutesy.”
Even though I think my boyfriend is super cute, sometimes I tell him “you’re kinda cute,” and he blushes and is flattered because he knows how I mean it.
If you don’t have that kind of flexibility in how you interpret people saying positive things, well, you need to understand that the problem is on your end.
“I have work to do, so I can’t run or watch movies I like. I am just saying, that chick was pwned.”
You realize that chick is a model who was being paid to pose and not an actual feminist being made over, right?
You need to stop talking to Meller, apparently his inability to tell fantasy from reality is infectious.
MRAL/John whatever, if you’re really self conscious about how you look maybe you can do something about it? Dress sharp, cut your hair, clean shave etc. You’re only as attractive as you are confident and that definitely shows on the outside.
I googled Sean Foreman. I find him completely unattractive. (Did I break you, MRAL?)
Other people I find completely unattractive include, to blow your mind a little further, Brad Pitt – I’d say he’s even more unattractive than that Foreman dude.
Some people I DO find attractive include Stephen Colbert, Tom Lehrer when he was young (droooool), and my boyfriend, who is, as previously mentioned, slightly overweight, pretty hairy, pale, and a great big geek.
It’s almost like different people have different tastes!
Nah, that can’t be it. Clearly I am an ALPHA FUCK BITCH for preferring adorable geeky guys to blond, buff, traditionally “macho” looking guys. Clearly.
And it’s not even a negative comment!! Have you seen the kinds of vile shit that gets spewed about female celebrities on a constant basis?!
Polliwog – I think MRAL’s problem is that he thinks there’s a fixed hierarchy of male attractiveness, so if someone doesn’t like Sean Foreman clearly she doesn’t like anyone.
…And for some reason that’s a reason to froth and resent her rather than shrug and go “oh well, I guess she won’t go on very many dates then.”
I only find Foreman kind of cute because I don’t like blonds. Does this make me an alpha bitch because I’m picky, or a great humanitarian because most of the world’s men are not blond and thus I am actually favoring the majority?
Only you can decide, MRAL. Please share your wisdom.
I also had to look him up. He looks like every other smug fratboy dudebro to me. Boring.
Actually he’s sort of mousy, which I like even less, and too muscly and dudebro-ish for me. I don’t like men that buffed. Again, does this make me an alpha bitch or a humanitarian, since most men are less buffed than that?
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh………Notice they keyword “half-lesbian”. I’ve noticed that TRUE lesbians(and by that I mean women who are genuinely sexually attracted to women exclusively)generally like us menz as people quite a bit more than straight women do. The same can be said for gay men when it comes to women. Funny thing is, when you really don’t want anything from the opposite sex they don’t seem threatening or hard to understand. Those self-professed lesbian feminists who dislike men are quite often straight women who’ve adopted the lifestyle because of their issues with men rather than truly wanting sex with women.
Are you fucking with me? She’s not busting her ass to suck up to ME, she’s busting her ass to suck up to the alpha assholes (ie, 10% of men) and hop on the Carousel.
That’s what gets me. Arrogant women put makeup or whatever on to appeal to a tiny slice of men, and then fyms bitch and blame about how they “make themselves pleasing to men”, yeah, er, no they don’t. They make themselves pleasing to 5% of men, the alphas, those VERY VERY few men who rule the goddamn planet. They are quite distinct from “men” as a gender. If you’re not an AA, you get sneered at.
This is all imaginary, MRAL. It is in your head. Your brain is telling you these things to make you sad.
Polliwog – I think MRAL’s problem is that he thinks there’s a fixed hierarchy of male attractiveness, so if someone doesn’t like Sean Foreman clearly she doesn’t like anyone.
…And for some reason that’s a reason to froth and resent her rather than shrug and go “oh well, I guess she won’t go on very many dates then.”
Yeah, it’s utterly bizarre, on pretty much every level. I’m torn between finding it hilarious and just finding it really, really sad that one anonymous person thinking a random guy is merely “kind of cute” rather than a “perfect physical specimen” is enough to send him over the edge.
(Also, MRAL, I don’t generally think of ANYONE as a “perfect physical specimen,” because I don’t think of men as “specimens,” I think of them as people. I don’t want my boyfriend for the purpose of inspecting him under a microscope, I want him for, y’know, hanging out with and generally being awesome.)
I can think of a few men I think of as perfect physical specimens FOR ME, SPECIFICALLY. I doubt MRAL would agree with my assessment of those guys, though.
If you’re a woman, you’re terrible, no matter what you do.
I also had to look him up. He looks like every other smug fratboy dudebro to me. Boring.
Yup. Google tells me he is also responsible for that annoying “My First Kiss” song with the smoochy noises. That’s an additional -10 to attractiveness, right there.
Shaenon, but I have noticed that women usually become more stuck-up when they put on dresses or makeup or whatever, because their goal is to appeal to the ALPHA FUCKS. I have found them condescending toward their “non-targets”. I think that’s my interpretation, anyway.
MRAL, here is a nice story.
When I was 14, i had a female friend. My friend fell in love with a boy. For weeks, she refused to tell us who it was, but each times she mentioned him (which was a lot) she was sweating and blushing (and presumably, her ‘gina was tingling) She finally told us who he was. She thought he was objectively handsome, an Appollon or as you would say, an alpha.
We (her friends) though he was ugly. Not plain, but ugly, as in “eewwww I would never kiss him” (I know, that’s immature. But I was a teenager)
Here is the morale: someone’s prince Charming can be someone else’s Quasimodo. Because of this simple fact, any hierarchy (alpha, beta,…) based on what people look like is simply wrong.
For the record, I find photo number one more sexy, (except for the fake hair-pit), which probably means I’m doomed to be a unshaven (most of the time) militant, protesting vegan (well, more vegetarian so far) rather than a actual girl.
I can live with that.
Lemme rephrase it: Maxim mag is the hairy butthole of menz magazines.
My rancor towards this waste of paper is the simply fact that this mag is so blatantly anti-intellectual and makes men look ST00PID. The writers try too hard to be witty and macho at the same time but they’re about as insightful and clever as a bunch of high school football jocks in the locker room! I find it hard to fathom how women could actually take this shit seriously, let alone any d00d who has a subscription to it.
Probably Stage #4 got buttfucked by a callous Alpha Asshole right after that Photoshoot.
Okay, MRAL, I gotta ask…
1. Is this something you think actually happened to the model in the photos, or are you making up a story about the imaginary ex-feminist she’s playing?
2. If it’s the former, how could Woman #4 get buttfucked and not Women #1-3, inasmuch as they are all the same woman and have but a single butt between them?
3. If it’s the latter, are you fully aware that you’re not talking about a real person?
4. Even if this imaginary thing happened to this imaginary woman, I’m sure the imaginary Callous Alpha Asshole treated her way better than you would treat a woman.
…Oh, and I’m sure prominent third-wave activist Jennifer Baumgardner was just thrilled when her advice on feminist dating wound up being quoted in a piece called “How to Cure a Feminist.”
Please note that I refuse to have sex with any man dressed like this, just on general principles.
Shaenon, I would not be and am not mean to women, despite the fact that they have been mean to me, because I am a nice person. So I would not be anything like an AA.
Here’s an actual (well, slightly paraphrased) quote from my high school yearbook (by a girl):
“You’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met”