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Dear Men Who Hate Ladies: How do I make my boner go away?

Women -- don't let them tempt you with their witchy ways!

Consider the plight of the poor, horny Man Going His Own Way. He may have convinced himself that women are icky monsters out to highjack his sperm and steal his money. He may have convinced himself we live in a femi-fascist gynocracy out to destroy men and civilization generally. Yet his disobedient penis can’t stop thinking about sex with these evil, filthy women.

And so he turns to his fellow MGTOWers to ask for help: what can I do, my brethren, to stop popping so many boners? Ed1974, a newbie on MGTOWforums.com, puts it this way in a plaintive recent post:

[M]ore than almost anything I want to be woman-free and contentment to live a woman-free life. For more or less all of my adult life I’ve played in to society’s demands that I have to have a woman, and preferably a pretty woman, in my life. I’ve done a lot of Internet dating and every friggin time I get involved with a woman I regret it. Either I just want to get some ass and the woman wants a lot more than that and makes a mess out of my life when I leave, or I end up spending way more money than I ever wanted to spend just to have her grace my life with her presence, or something else that fucks up my life. The bottom line is I sincerely want to live a life without the desire to have a woman in my life.

So Ed is taking steps to quell his desire:

1. I downloaded a firewall blocking all dating sites.

2. I’m going to read as many books on misandry that I can.

3. I’m going to take myself out of situations where I can get in trouble, such as bars.

4. I’m going to fill free time that I would normally spend out with some woman with something productive.

I also want to remember the bad times where I’ve had women who I’ve tried to get out of my life end up stalking me for months on end. And to be perfectly honest, I want to remember the time I got the clap from some skank. I also want to remember that I should be thankful that I’m not a baby daddy and I’ve never had any false rape charges against me.

Alas, but poor pretty Eddie is afraid that this won’t be enough, and begs the assembled MGTOWers for “other steps I should take.”

Site admin Nacho Vidal suggests he go another way entirely:

My advice would be to scrap the ‘steps’ you’ve taken and take your wanking up a notch! Also, have you looked into hiring a whore or two once a month?

Others jump in to endorse the masturbation-and-prostitute strategy, and encourage him to cultivate his hatred of women by reading from the ample selection of stories on the site about evil, depraved, disgusting women.  As fairi5fair puts it:

I go to college and still get the biochemical reactions that play into the mate-spawn-die script when I see a 20 year old with a candy apple ass and perky tits, but my growing understanding of women in general helps to make it less urgent and more negligible everyday.

A few others have more novel advice.  Our friend womanhater suggests a trip to the mall:

Sit in the food court, and spend a good three hours there. Leisurely sip on some coffee, and simply watch.

See all the soulless men being dragged around by cupcake holding her bags. You’ll see the total absence of hope in the eyes of men in this trap. You’ll see his brain calculating the immense debt being run up, and yet he knows he’s fucked.

Pay attention to the stupid whores in training aged 15 or so, and simply listen the absolute shit running out of their mouth. Watch their behavior and internalize that every twat you see aged 25 was doing the exact same shit a decade ago.

Every time I start to feel my ghosting resolve start to slip, I go to the mall for a few hours. Clears my fucking head every time.

NewWorldMan suggests a sort of mind-over-boner strategy:

Sounds like BS, I know, but telling myself (actually saying the sentence in my head at the moment of attraction): “I control my dick, my dick doesn’t control me — actually works for me.

Frederick326 suggests an anatomy lesson:

Read up on vaginas. They’re fucking disgusting.

And fairi5fair also links to the (somewhat NSFW) video below. I’m not sure what exactly it’s supposed to accomplish other than to remind us that Japan leads the world in baffling entertainment product:

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Tim
Tim
7 years ago

a lot of women have no problems acknowledging this fact though.. They even joke about it when they say “men have no standards…they will fuck anything on two legs/any thing that moves/ anything with a pulse”

interestingly, men will fuck anything that moves but are also considered more shallow on looks! Men are actually very forgiving to women on their looks.

howardbann1ster
when they find 80% of men physically undesirable they have to message someone if they dont want to be alone for the rest of their lives. What I want you to appreciate is that this is a huge disadvantage to men when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Sure it isnt evident in long term relationships as men have the opportunity to bring other qualities to the table but in short term sexual relationships, looks are the top priority.

Steele
Steele
7 years ago

Regardless of your own proclivities, Bannister, I’m not talking about you specifically; rather, feminists in general, of which you apparently are one. I wasn’t aware you were a man until now.

howardbann1ster
7 years ago

Full version of the abstract I just posted.

Now I gotta go engage in various activities that make up my life outside the internet. Sadly, they will not bring me as much joy as swearing vigorously at Steele brought me. So I’ll definitely be back tomorrow to swear some more.

howardbann1ster
7 years ago

….Because Howard is such a gender-neutral name.

howardbann1ster
7 years ago

….oh, PS: that study I linked? Includes this.

To address why, we have considered two major evolutionary
perspectives—sexual strategies theory (Buss & Schmitt, 1993)
and strategic pluralism theory (Gangestad & Simpson, 2000).

Fun fact! This study was published after that Buss and Schmitt theory was thoroughly discredited, but they cite it anyway! Gee, I wonder why?

cloudiah
7 years ago

@Howard, That’s gotta be it. Study based on 178 Arizona State University undergraduates enrolled in intro psych — because, hey, that’s what was at hand. Probably Kenrick had his own class take the survey for extra credit, because as we all know, the responses of 178 college-age USians indicate UNIVERSAL HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

Tim
Tim
7 years ago

Bannister

Take your male and female friends to a college campus (a place where young people gather) Ask them to look at 100 random people (they have to be representative of the population) of the opp sex and simply rate whether they were physically/sexually acceptable or not. I am willing to bet the percentage will be much much higher for your male friends than female ones. It can either mean that nature creates fewer physically appealing men than women OR that women just instinctively find fewer men physically appealing.

Even women on this forum will agree that its rare that they come across a physically desirable guy in their everyday lives. Men on the other hand are too busy checking out boobs and butts of average looking women.

We men find bodies of women instinctively attractive..even if they belong to average looking women. The sight of womens breasts, butts, legs, genitalia is visually appealing to us even if they dont belong to someone out of a magazine. But the naked bodies of the average male does little for women, unless the body is something special. It is a big disadvantage to men in the sexual attraction game. that is why we see more ‘losers’ among men because they dont ‘know’ how to be sexually attractive to women. Women dont have to ‘know’..they just are attractive to men.

you are unreasonably accusing me of not empathizing with women. But can you empathize with the male perspective, being a male? This isnt about right or wrong.

cloudiah
7 years ago

Oh, and now it’s the Appeal to YouTube. Sigh. So what’s your point? Assuming everything you say is true (hint: it’s not), why is it important? Why should anyone care? Is it a problem? If it is a problem, what is your proposed solution? Give us SOMETHING, here.

Steele
Steele
7 years ago

Indeed, indeed Tim….

cloudiah
7 years ago

Even women on this forum will agree that its rare that they come across a physically desirable guy in their everyday lives.

Well, sure — there are women on this forum who aren’t sexually attracted to men (lesbians: have you heard of them?) or are asexual. But other than that, this is just wrong, fractally wrong.

Tim
Tim
7 years ago

Cloudiah

It is a problem to those who are affected. There is no obligation on women to change anything. Whenever this issue is discussed it seems as if the objective is to make women ‘accept’ men. That shouldnt be the case.

All I ask for is that this fact should be acknowledged, more scientific thought should be put into understanding it and finally it should be understood that this is a major reason why there is a demand for paid sex. As far as I remember this thread was about men hiring sex workers.

Briznecko
Briznecko
7 years ago

*delurking for a bit ‘o snark*

I’m so sorry Tim! I didn’t realize being attracted to dudes with beards and big bellies meant I was not being a proper woman. How dare me and my girlfriends point out these men are HOT.

Does this mean I should make my boyfriend wear a shirtless Brad Pitt poster when we fuck? Apparently that is how I’m supposed to get my ladyboner raging….?

*back to delurking*

Briznecko
Briznecko
7 years ago

*lurking

Christ.

titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

All I ask for is that this fact should be acknowledged, more scientific thought should be put into understanding it

And yet you don’t even take the time to read the scientific paper that @howardbann1ster has so helpfully provided …..

cloudiah
7 years ago

Which supposed “fact” do you think deserves scientific study?

Tim
Tim
7 years ago

The fact that its more difficult for men to obtain casual sex, which is the major reason why there is a demand for casual sex.

Why is it more difficult for men to obtain casual sex?
bcos fewer women are willing to engage in it due to risks of being raped for one.
AND women are sexually more selective..they generally find fewer men physically appealing.

Tim
Tim
7 years ago

Correction: “demand for PAID sex”

Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
7 years ago

As someone new to the concept of 80/20, I have made the decision to defer to those with more experience in Incel.

Right. Men who aren’t having sex, complaining about not having sex, proves that 80% of women are only partnering with 20% of men. Of course.

KathleenB
KathleenB
7 years ago

Tim: Once again: actual, verifiable, repeatable, peer-reviewed and published citation really, really fucking needed. And no, I’m no doing your fucking work for you. You made the claim,back it up your own damn self.

inurashii
inurashii
7 years ago

YUPIPL.

Why are YUPIPL so hostile

YUPIPL are so reluctant to talk about this

Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
7 years ago

Even women on this forum will agree that its rare that they come across a physically desirable guy in their everyday lives.

When did any women on this forum say this? I’m a woman and I run across men that I find physically desirable on a fairly regular basis.

Why is it more difficult for men to obtain casual sex?

Why does it matter? Define what you mean by “casual sex” and then it explain why it matters that some men can’t have it. Then tell me why anyone should care.

cloudiah
7 years ago

Returning to a truly important question worthy of scientific study, did anyone even watch the puggle video? I am mad that it didn’t embed, because it is seriously adorable.

cloudiah
7 years ago

I’m a woman and I run across men that I find physically desirable on a fairly regular basis.

The only straight woman I’ve seen say the opposite here is Ruby.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Fuckin’ incels. The only thing worse is watching Steele cozy up to these buttnuggets.

Tim, this really isn’t the place for your woes.

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
7 years ago

@ Hellkell, yeah, but did you notice that the incel guy just ignored him? Two conclusions:

One: even fellow manosphere dudes find Steele offputting.

Two: If Tim can’t tell when someone is trying that hard to get his attention, maybe that explains his dating difficulties.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Dear Hard One (btw, you could deal with that problem yourself – that’s why nature gave you hands).

Here’s the thing – I don’t care if it’s harder for men to get casual sex than it is for women. Everyone has already covered some of the reasons why that might be the case (and I’d take “fear of the possibility of rape” “double standards and slut shaming” and add “the way in which our culture typically understands casual sex to work is much less likely to result in orgasm for women than for men”), you know what? I still don’t care if it’s hard for person X to get laid, regardless of person X’s gender. Not being able to get lots of casual sex is not in fact the greatest tragedy in the history of humanity.

So, you’re right that it’s pointless bringing your specific whinge to this site, but not because of the reasons you think. Honestly, it’s because we don’t care. Not just the women – the dudes here don’t care either.

I see men who I find physically attractive all the time. I’m not going to offer any of them casual sex, because I don’t particularly like casual sex, but if I was into that kind of thing? Sure, I can think of multiple guys who work within 15 blocks of my apartment who’re hot enough.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Steele never makes a friend, they all blow him off.

princessbonbon
7 years ago

Study based on 178 Arizona State University undergraduates enrolled in intro psych

Well there is the problem.

Also, I have to agree with the others, I am constantly seeing men I am attracted to in my day to day life.

cloudiah
7 years ago

I just ran to the ATM, which is just across the street, and saw 3 guys that I found attractive — now I am actually counting. Later I have to take the bus to visit my mother in the hospital; I’ll count how many I see on that journey, and at the hospital itself. Maybe I should start a tumblr that just logs how many attractive men I see every day and where they were. Wouldn’t that be fascinating to exactly zero other people on the internet?

princessbonbon
7 years ago

So far today I have not seen any males that attracted me but then I have only seen about five of them (and of those, they are all ones I see nearly every other day so why would I?)

Yesterday I was drooling over a particular fellow though and probably will have the same experience tomorrow.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Nobinaninjad.

Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
7 years ago

The thing is Cassandra, I really don’t understand why anyone is supposed to give a shit. I mean, I’m assuming that this guy is defining casual sex, fairly narrowly, as two people meeting and engaging in some sort of sexual activity within hours of meeting each other.

So there’s this one really specific type of sexual experience that some men don’t engage in very frequently or as frequently as they’d like… And?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

@ Nobinayamu

That was my point too. Even if his points were all 100% true, so what?

I would love to eat high-grade tuna every day. I don’t get to do that, both because I can’t afford it and because it would give me mercury poisoning/be bad for the environment. So what? I’ll live, and so will he.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

And the little toad thinks that finding someone physically desirable means you automatically throw sex at them. No. No matter how much they wish that were true, just… NO.

Wetherby
Wetherby
7 years ago

I am definitely not in the top 20% for physical attractiveness. I might just scrape the top 50%, but even that’s debatable.

And yet I don’t seem to have had any problems getting laid. Very odd.

Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
7 years ago

@ Cassandra and hellkell (also, I’m happy to see you’re cancer free)

I love this whole “…But can you empathize with the male perspective, being a male?” thing too. Um, yeah, dipshit. I also don’t always get what I want.

I know lots of women who don’t have casual sex because they worry about being slut-shamed, or because they’re naturally introverted and don’t meet many men outside of their direct social circle which includes a lot of men who are already in monogamous relationships. I don’t shed tears for them either. I understand their frustration and sympathize. If asked I can offer advice.

But, in the end, they just have to figure out how to deal with it.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
7 years ago

The only straight woman I’ve seen say the opposite here is Ruby.

Does this mean attractive as in “yeah he’s nice looking/geez he’s got nice hair/gosh he looks like a young Springsteen etc” in a purely aesthetic way, or “yeah I’d probably have sex with him given the right circumstances”? I’m curious because while I see blokes who fit the former often enough, I’ve never, never felt the second way about any guy I’ve set eyes on, except Mr Kitteh. (I don’t know if I’m straight or grey-a, lol.) Dunno what percentage that is, when it’s one man out of all the world ever who falls into the “attractive enough to have sex with” category! 😀

But even if I did feel the second way, casual sex? Sex with someone I don’t know, with all its attendant risks? Not a chance. Frustration isn’t worth that sort of thing, and for me it’d likely just swap one type of frustration for another – better no sex than bad sex for me.

And, Timmy old son, that doesn’t mean anyone else is obliged to do a single thing about it. I’m not entitled to be serviced by anyone just because I fancy it. AND NEITHER ARE YOU. I don’t give a shit if you have trouble getting casual sex. Maybe you could try, I dunno, actually getting to know a woman as a human being first. Maybe she might be more inclined to share a sexual experience if it’s apparent you like her and are likeable. Or maybe, as has already been suggested, if your boner is so baaaaaaad you’re gonna diiiiiiiiiiie you could just use your hands, like other people do. Because what is it you’re whining about anyway – lack of orgasm or lack of companionship? The former doesn’t need the latter and if it’s the latter you’re upset about, stop talking like women owe you sex.

Oh, and you actually bother mentioning the fear of rape women live with and still whine about not getting casual sex? You’re saying women should ignore fear or caution (or EXPERIENCE) so supposedly-deprived men can get more casual sex? Fuck off with that creepy shit.

ozymandias42
7 years ago

Oh, man, I wonder what the solution is to Hard One’s “not enough casual sex” problem.

(Hint: the answer is “more feminism.”)

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Nobinayamu: thanks. I know it’s common enough, but getting the “yeah… we need to take more pics of the left one” call was SCARY.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

No matter how common it is in a general sense, it’s (hopefully) not common for you, so yeah, hearing that you might have cancer is always terrifying.

The fact that you don’t get as much casual sex as you want, however, is merely frustrating, which once again is why we don’t care.

Tim
Tim
7 years ago

I dont want you to ‘care’

I am giving you an explanation why there is a demand for paid sex.
Its funny how you overlook this point and get defensive as if I’m expecting you to make my boner go away.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Nobody asked for an explanation about why there’s a “demand” for paid sex either. I guess it’s good that you find your own mental masturbation interesting, but you appear to be the only one.

Tim
Tim
7 years ago

Cassandra

mental masturbation is when the you people get together and speculate why men pay for sex.

Tim
Tim
7 years ago

I read that Pandagone article by Amanda Marcotti and she asks “why do men pay for sex, if they want No strings Attached, there are plenty of horny women hanging out in bars and on websites looking for some…it must be because they want to ‘control’ and abuse women”

In the comments section when men argue that its not easy for them to obtain casual sex that way, as she claims, and that is why a lot of men consider paying for it, suddenly her minions get defensive and a barrage of comments along the lines of “why do you think we care if you are not getting laid” ensues.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

So, you have an issue with something that Amanda wrote on Pandagon, and with the responses there. Why did you think that the best way to address that issue was commenting at great length over here?

cloudiah
7 years ago

Insomnia

Seriously, Timmy, why are you here? What do you hope to accomplish? Why should anyone care that you can’t have casual sex whenever you want (just like most women)?

Now, you and your boner should just go away. You contribute nothing, and aren’t even amusing.

/Insomnia*

*I wish I could end insomnia that easily.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

If there was a ban button for insomnia that would be pretty awesome.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
7 years ago

I bet nobody around Steelybutthurt or Timmyboy suffers insomnia. Listening to them drone on would be a sure-fire cure.

Polliwog
7 years ago

Even women on this forum will agree that its rare that they come across a physically desirable guy in their everyday lives.

Okay, seriously, manosphere dudes, I know it’s really, really hard for you schmucks to get outside your own boner-obsessed heads for even a moment, but I really want you to try to do so the next time you go outside. Instead of looking around for men that you, as a straight man, think women would probably physically desire, try looking around for men for whom there is empirical evidence that at least one woman physically desires them – i.e. any man who is part of a heterosexual couple. I promise, 100% guarantee, that you will not actually find those guys to be especially rare! They will, in fact, make up a huge proportion of the guys you see every day! Furthermore, the overwhelming majority of those men will not particularly resemble Brad Pitt/Ryan Gosling/whatever movie star you are pretending every woman wants to fuck this week. Many of them will be overweight, hairy, balding, short, scrawny, unfashionable, elderly, or otherwise not-super-conventionally-hot – and yet they will still, empirically and obviously, be physically desirable to the women who physically desire them.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
7 years ago

Polliwog wins an internet!

That just makes me think how surprised I was when friends said they think Mr Kitteh is handsome. He’s always been beautiful to me but I never thought for a minute he’d be considered so by others; he’s not conventionally handsome at all.

Snerk … makes you wonder how many times the douchebrigade have actually been looked at by women thinking “He’s cute” or whatever. What’s the bet it isn’t these blokes’ looks that put women off?