Men Who Hate Women and the Women They Try to Date: Another visit to the Annals of Online Dating
What is this fucking shit?
A lot of guys who try online dating (of the heterosexual kind) complain that they send out message after message to the ladies and get no responses. Now, I’m no dating expert, but I would like to offer these gentlemen a piece of advice that I feel could dramatically improve their chances. Here it is:
If the message you are sending the lass you fancy would get upvotes on The Spearhead, do not send it.
This seems like a fairly self-evident point, but it’s one that a lot of guys don’t seem to understand, at least judging from some of the awful online come-ons posted at the always fabulous A(n)nals of Online Dating. Take this fella:
[M]en have an obligation to rescue kittens from burning buildings, pay for your drinks, hold the door open for you, keep their hair neat, go to war and many other things. I’m just saying… Society worldwide really does put more obligations on men than women all around. There are few things women have to do… Shaving your legs is one of them.
I’m not sure how exactly this topic came up in conversation, but I’m pretty sure that Mr. Mammoth-Hunting Kitten-Rescuing Door-Holder-Opener and Lady Who Doesn’t Shave Her Legs are probably not a match made in Internet heaven.
This guy’s strategy is also somewhat problematic:
A so-cal Brooklyn transplant who believes in grammar, manners, music, and humor. I’m nice to my mother, always smile at dogs and babies, and am in the process of pleading that statutory rape charge down to a misdemeanor.
Yeah, it’s probably not a good idea to open with a joke about raping underage girls. Assuming it is a joke.
This message would be a bad idea regardless of gender:
RON PAUL REVOLUTION!! GIVE US BACK OUR CONSTITUTION!!!! lol sorry
Sorry indeed.
This next fellow is a bit of a Stealth Misogynist, in that he starts out with some actual compliments directed toward an actual women. Really creepy compliments, but complements nonetheless. Then we get a plot twist that’s about as shocking as the big reveal in M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village. Which is to say, so obvious that it could probably be spotted from space.
When I look at you I see very happy, fun loving, sexy, good girl. I love looking through your photos, I only wish there were more. Do you enjoy being obedient to the male figures in your life?
David K. Meller, is that you?
Posted on November 15, 2011, in douchebaggery, idiocy, kitties, misogyny, patriarchy, pedophiles oh sorry ephebophiles, rape, reactionary bullshit, the spearhead, we hunted the mammoth. Bookmark the permalink. 339 Comments.
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especially to the last quote.
Quackers: *applause*
So nothing about politics or philosophy or anything? Nothing about how the people stood up and crushed your legislation?
Annalsofonlinedating tricked me. My OK Cupid profile didn’t get me too many dates, which I expected. But it also completely failed to deliver the crazy. I was so sad…eight months and not a single message worth submitting. Obviously I have taken down my profile for rennovations :-)
“Stealth Spearheader?” Do you have proof that this individual is related to the Spearhead or even the Men’s Rights Movement in general?
Did you post that in the wrong thread by accident, FactFinder? Because if not I’m not seeing how it’s in any way relevent to the post.
The weirdest message I ever got on a dating site was from a dude who sent a very very long email about how he wanted to draw me. First we would become friends, apparently, and then as we got to know each other better and I grew to trust him I would be comfortable with him drawing me in more intimate settings.
This was the very first point of contact between us. And then, when I didn’t respond but did look at his profile to try to figure out what sort of deranged person would send such a thing, I got another message saying “I see that you viewed my profile, therefore clearly you must be intrigued by my offer”.
Not so much, actually.
You see, FactFinder, the “stealth Spearheader” comment was what is called a “joke”.
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/joke
FF, no, and I didn’t mean to imply that he was an actual Spearheader. I’ve reworded that bit.
I’m not saying that these guys are MRAs. Just that they sound a lot like the MRAs I regularly quote here. They have the same misogynistic beliefs.
Back when I was single, I got a lot of messages that seemed totally boilerplate and not even tangentially related to my ad. Those got no response.
And then there were the charmers who (after at least showing they read the ad)–if I thanked them and said I didn’t think we’d be a good match–responded with some of the nastiest shit. Hmm, I wonder you’re having no luck?
Dracula, thanks, but these guys tend to be very literal-minded; sometimes I figure it’s better just to reword things and move on.
It can’t be a DKM post. There aren’t any exclamation points or references to fluffy kitties.
Hmm, you know, I’ve been curious recently as to how well I’d do on a dating website… If these guys are my competition, I think I could do rather well for myself.
*goes to a(n)nals website*
Ooh, fun things to read. ^_^
“Do you enjoy being obedient to the male figures in your life?”
–EWWW!!!!!!!!!!
Back when I was trying online dating, one guy had the gall to say during the first phone call (he really wanted to jump to a phone call after a few emails, so I agreed…bad idea) that I’d have to quit birth control of any sort, quit riding my motorcycle, and put all my energy into a marriage. When I said (without a bad tone) that I didn’t think we’d be a good match, he became angry and said I was greedy and self-centered in a very loud, angry, yelling tone.
It may be my pesky liberal-mindedness here, but I don’t see where this:
A so-cal Brooklyn transplant who believes in grammar, manners, music, and humor. I’m nice to my mother, always smile at dogs and babies, and am in the process of pleading that statutory rape charge down to a misdemeanor.
Equates to joking about raping underage girls. I’m just saying, people tend to get a bit boobish when you tell lies about them. Again, I apologize for being so darn liberal-minded, I know feminists can take a little defamation and just laugh it off.
You really don’t see it, FactFinder? Then you are dumber than previously thought.
You’re right there, David. Sorry if I was stepping on your toes, as it were.
“keep their hair neat”
Like Whore Mary?
There you go. Or did you read that as him being serious?
haha ninja’d!
So, FactFinder, what you’re saying is that he wasn’t joking about raping underage girls, he was confessing to doing so.
I’m curious as to how this is supposed to be an improvement over what David assumed.
There was a guy in a shyness forum a few years ago that was using online dating. His schtick was to send inflammatory messages to women and then come back to the forum and tell the others that these women bitches because they were angry. What’s incredible is that he was popular with some women and they were sending him messages but he was constantly finding reasons to reject them. He was essentially trying to find a reason to hate women. I think it can explain some of the messages we see here.
You really don’t see it, FactFinder? Then you are dumber than previously thought.
Again with the “you’re dumb” nonsense? So do you really want to compare how much society values my work compared to yours? Because that’s a more generalized measure of intelligence than schoolyard insults. I have a feeling you won’t win on that one either.
If you think I’m wrong, you might want to just correct the error.
You know, for all the creepyness of his rape joke, that guy has got to have some fortitude. He smiles at dogs and babies every day! I mean really, that is some phenomenal dedication. Through rainy days, depression and anger, wiping that bit of mud off your shoe only to find that it isn’t exactly mud, this guy still finds it in him to bring out a smile. Even if all three happen at the same time, he’ll still give that dog a show of teeth.
Must be pretty draining though… I’ll bet he’d be horrible to date. He spends so much time smiling when he doesn’t want to that he’ll have no energy left for things he likes! The key would be to have children as soon as possible, then at least, through sheer force of habit, he’ll let you see his pearly whites.
[hoping to break FactFinder's sarcasm meter, if he ever had one in the first place]
… I once had a dating profile* in which I had an offensive joke intended to convey the message “I don’t take this seriously.”
*on a site where it turned out every woman I encountered had values fundamentally different from mine, and funadamentally different in the same way.
@Dracula
A facepalm is best when confronted with such blinding stupidity :D
FactFinder does not know the definition of “statutory rape” … unless s/he is trying to make some pathetic point about how age of consent laws shouldn’t exist because have you SEEN how these girls dress today???
Well you’re either stupid or evil, and I think stupid is less insulting an assumption.
Not compared to basic literacy!
@FactFinder:
“Again with the “you’re dumb” nonsense? So do you really want to compare how much society values my work compared to yours? Because that’s a more generalized measure of intelligence than schoolyard insults. I have a feeling you won’t win on that one either.
If you think I’m wrong, you might want to just correct the error.”
I dunno, FactFinder, you might be right. Your blog and its 61 or less commenters might be able to give any one of us a run for our money. At least until I get back to my internship/job over the summer, anyway.
Dammit, left all the important words out: the problem with my joke wasn’t the offensive content, it was the “not taking dating sites seriously” on a dating site. So it’s certainly possible for it to be both/and with that.
By the way Quackers, is that Captain Picard?
everyone knows the proper response to seeing a dog in the street is to make faces and funny noises at it. i dont know what this guys problem is.
“[...]they could also include non-sexual crimes such as a violent attack that was part of the incident, although the Crown Prosecution Service said this was highly unlikely to occur.”
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/mar/20/rape-convictions-lady-stern-cps
You can read up on plea bargains and rape in the link above. I’m surprised you aren’t familiar with that sort of thing.
So do you really want to compare how much society values my work compared to yours? Because that’s a more generalized measure of intelligence than schoolyard insults.
that is like the most insane way of measuring intelligence ever
factfinder what do you think that link actually proves?
Statutory rape can also apply to mentally handicapped or otherwise incapacitated individuals. It’s not just about age of consent.
You may apologize for your abuse now, if you wish.
So you would like to argue that it’s wrong to insult him for joking about raping children, because he may have *actually raped* a disabled person, which is an improvement? Because if he was joking, that wasn’t the joke. Statutory generally refers to kids.
that is like the most insane way of measuring intelligence ever
So schoolyard insults or how well a person conforms to your political views are a better measure?
kirby: Perhaps he’s Gwynplaine?
Shorter “Fact”Finder: THERE IS NO SUBTEXT!
Statutory rape can also apply to mentally handicapped or otherwise incapacitated individuals. It’s not just about age of consent.
You may apologize for your abuse now, if you wish.
im deeply sorry your poor communication skills prevented us from figuring exactly which disingenuous equivocation game you were playing.
“So do you really want to compare how much society values my work compared to yours? Because that’s a more generalized measure of intelligence than schoolyard insults.”
“that is like the most insane way of measuring intelligence ever”
This could revolutionize smartitude quantification! Don’t be so quick to dismiss it! :p
Actually, I believe that mentally handicapped men and women are capable of forming consensual relationships with people who are not handicapped. The law, however, says the mentally disabled have to stick to their own kind, or however the feminist legislation is worded.
I don’t really think having sex with a mentally handicapped person is the same as having sex with a child, but that’s just me.
@katz:
That… was… O_O
@FactFinder:
Do you have anything remotely interesting to contribute, or are you just going around accusing everyone of abuse? I kinda want to get into an actual discussion with you, see what makes you tick, but you never seem to want to talk about anything substantial.
Also, still waiting for you to change the pronoun on your post. You’ve admitted you were wrong in labeling me “she,” but yet you keep the mistake… Bad form.
fact finder, is it hard being the bearer of truth on the cold, cruel internet?
FactFinder, what does that link have to do with anything we’re discussing? You have an odd tendency to skip around on topics and it is very difficult for us to follow you. I am trying to be charitable here, so I won’t call you “stupid”. But the reason why people here are calling you “stupid” is because you are not very coherent, and seem to be lacking in reading comprehension skills.
For example, it is hard for me to believe that you can’t see why mentioning rape on a dating site is not a good thing. Neither seriously confessing to having statutory rape charges filed against you, nor making a joke about it, is very attractive to anyone. It’s actually pretty frightening. It doesn’t matter that it is a common thing for people to make plea deals and plead guilty to lesser charges in the case of rape charges. The thing that matters is that this person mentioned it in a message to a potential date. That is creepy and upsetting. A person who does that is not somebody most people would want to date. THAT is the point of this post, to make fun of somebody who would think that rape charges are appropriate to mention to a potential date. Not to say that plea deals never happen. Ok?
Actually, I believe that mentally handicapped men and women are capable of forming consensual relationships with people who are not handicapped. The law, however, says the mentally disabled have to stick to their own kind, or however the feminist legislation is worded.
I don’t really think having sex with a mentally handicapped person is the same as having sex with a child, but that’s just me.
oh, good, were back to ‘only i get to define what consent is’. why bother saying something interesting when you can just declare yourself king and move on to the next chip on your shoulder?
@Dracula
Yep. Its an internet meme called facepalm http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/facepalm#.TsMT8MMk6so
FactFinder: so you’re telling me society values blogs with no appreciable content and no commenters? Good to know.
im deeply sorry your poor communication skills prevented us from figuring exactly which disingenuous equivocation game you were playing.
You seem very employable right now.
On second thought, a lot of the greeters at Walmart do have similar dispositions.
FactFinder, I wish to apologize to you on behalf of the Manboobz community. You are correct, while the most commonly used definition of statutory rape refers to minors, this individual may have instead have been making a joke about raping the mentally handicapped. I do not see this as any better, but it is different.
Would you have agreed with David’s assessment had he said, “Yeah, it’s probably not a good idea to open with a joke about raping underage girls, or mentally handicapped women. Assuming it is a joke.”? Was his lack of inclusion of the possibility that this individual was joking about raping the mentally handicapped what you were referring to when you accused David of lying?
You troll feminist sites on company time and you’re going to talk to us about employability? You’re not very good at this, are you?
I am sorry everyone, you move much too fast for me.
FF: … Y’know what? I have better things to do with my time than try to engage in any kind of dialogue with you. Carry on.
You know, FactFinder, you’re not terribly polite to other people yourself. I’m curious as to why you’re so obsessed with the idea that people are obliged to be polite to you while not being willing to extent the same courtesy to others. Seems a bit hypocritical, no?
Another view into their inner thought process:
Commenter says, “In the old days, being a virgin bride in a traditional patriarchal marriage may have had its downside for the woman, but it probably engendered In her fear, respect and commitment. Or, in the vernacular, continuing gina tingles.”
I comment while I wait for my programs to compile. At home.
Fear = arousal? Well isn’t that just lovely.
factfinder i do not care for a job in your non sequitur factory
@FactFinder:
What language?
About the smiling, I mean.
a computer programmer with an inflated sense of social importance? on the internet, no less? will wonders never cease?
@Sharculese:
I’ll have you know that I’ve done great things with my work in computer programming, thank you very much.
…
God dammit… *hangs head*
I reaaaaally believe a tech nerd was a yoostabee XD
But yeah, it’s irrelevant that you do it while code compiles. Company time is company time. I don’t actually care, because I’m not an idiot, but you seem to think people always behave the same all the time, so we carry our snark over into all things, including our jobs, even if that would be a bad idea, so…
NC4OM, you do realize that there’s an entire article above this thread with quotes in it, don’t you? You don’t need to add your own random unrelated ones.
I still want to know why you decided that this thread was an appropriate place to post this comment, FactFinder.
“So nothing about politics or philosophy or anything? Nothing about how the people stood up and crushed your legislation?”
An arrogant programmer, on the internet, with no sense at all of time and place and no qualms about randomly interrupting other people’s conversations to insist that they talk about what he wants to talk about, right now?
Truly, I’m astonished.
@kirby
It varies. I’m trying to specialize in 3D multithreaded simulations, which requires knowledge of several different languages unfortunately. They tend to be C++ or C derivatives, but they’re almost alien compared to one another. Sometimes I do things with C# because I’m lazy.
@others
I thought feminists wanted to end stereotypes and prejudice. This is why I am averse to the feminist movement. In the MRM, such attitudes are the exception and not the rule.
Actually, I don’t believe that it’s true that the mentally disabled are only allowed to have sex “with their own kind,” whatever that means, at least not in the States. I think it depends on whether the adult in question is considered able to meaningfully consent to sex. I’ve worked with the “mentally handicapped,” as you call them, and they were quite able to have sex with whomever they liked–provided there was consent–without legal consequences for either party. Again, the issue is whether they can meaningfully consent, which is a more complicated issue for people with mental challenges than it is for children.
Well, Cassandra, he’s trying to find facts, dontchaknow. What’s a little interruption when you’re trying to find THE TRUTH?
I didn’t prejudge you as a tech nerd, seeing as this is the first I knew about it, but when you are a faux-intellectual misogynist asshat, and then reveal you are a tech nerd, don’t expect any of us to be surprised. The simple fact is that tech culture devalues and belittles women. There’s a reason women generally don’t bother with it. ACtually there are several, and some of them are from gender policing women, but your culture is one of those reasons.
Vacuous lie of the day. I repeat: Put up or shut up. Demonstrate the MRM majority that disavows AVFM and its hate wiki, the spearhead, r/mr, and other such lovely little sites that otherwise represent you.