Lesbianism by numbers, courtesy of the Men’s Rights subreddit. Plus kitties.
They're probably feminists too.
The smirky MRA douchebag thingsarebad didn’t win a lot of friends when he used to comment here. Ironically, it seems that he’s not doing that much better over on Reddit’s Men’s Rights subreddit, where his comments tend to garner about as many downvotes as upvotes. Yes, it is possible to be too much of a douche for even the highly douche-tolerant Men’s Rights subreddit.
Anyway, all that is a sort of rambling prelude to my main point here, which is: thingsarebad has figured out that whole “lesbian” thing, and wants to share his results with the world. Also, feminism. His science is tight.
Confused a bit by that explanation? Would you like a much, much longer explanation, replete with fake statistics he’s “mentated” out of his ass? Well, prepare yourself a stiff drink and take a look at this megacomment of his from earlier in that same thread.
We’ll just wait here while you digest all that.
Done? Share your thoughts below, or check out the ShitRedditSays discussion of it all.
Or just watch this video of a rather portly cat climbing into a vase.
Hey, I promised a kitty video to someone in the comments here a couple of days ago. I may be a little slow sometimes, but I am a man of my word.
While I’m at it, here’s a bonus vid of a kitty and a Kleenex box.
Posted on November 12, 2011, in antifeminism, douchebaggery, evil women, homophobia, idiocy, kitties, misogyny, MRA, reddit. Bookmark the permalink. 362 Comments.
He should have posted a picture of himself. That always wins all the arguments.
Group D: 0%. There are basically no women who are naturally feminine and would have ended up gay no matter what. Naturally feminine women only become gay due to outside factors (see Groups B & C).
Wow, this guy is just a real winner.
There is not a drink stiff enough to get through all that drivel. At least he admits he’s not a good communicator. I wonder exactly how far up his ass he had to reach for this “theory.”
Bostonian, he’ll probably stop here and drop a pic, just because.
I do kind of love the people who are coming in and being like “uh, so there’s this thing called socialization? And fitting in with a group? And flagging?” Like, not in so many words exactly, but they’re definitely trying to point out to him that there are social reasons why “naturally feminine” (ugh, gag me with a spoon) lesbians might adopt masculine behaviours/style, and why “naturally masculine” gay men might adopt feminine behaviours/style.
Somehow I’m guessing he’d rather stick to his imaginary paper-doll queers than listen to reason, though. NGL, makes me want to put on a frilly dress. STILL A DYKE, JACKASS.
uuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmm what?
It’s like just this side of word salad.
Lesbianism by Numbers: Funnest paint-by-numbers EVAR!
Nope. Boys do this. Girls do that. NEVER THE TWAIN SHALL MEET. I have assembled roughly a third of the furniture in the house. I purchase and set up all the computers and peripherals. Apparently this makes me a lesbian. My husband–and all the dudes I’ve macked on over the years–will be shocked to learn this.
Where can I get this Lesbian Paint-by-numbers book? I will pay you two whole internets for it.
This bit is incomparably glorious:
Bethany, you were a lesbian when you failed at Vacuum Arts 101. And since I actually BOUGHT the Dyson on top of being its main user, I guess I’m gay now. As a matter of fact, I think you stole my straight maleness and replaced it with your woman-icitude. Can we swap back so that you can stay with your husband and I can stay with my wife?
I’ll sweeten the deal by throwing is some random percentages I pulled out of my ass… 30% of the 2% of men who are MRAs are also closeted gay men, and 110% of MRAs are uncloseted assholes.
Neither my girlfriend nor I exist, because of course someone can’t be bisexual, masculine and female-assigned.
Also, all bisexuals apparently were molested as children, hate men or are borderline or narcissistic? Someone is bitter they won’t have a threesome with him.
Given this guy’s masterful understanding of women, I’m assuming he thought he’d been fine pulling statistics out of his ass because those stupid feminists can’t do math.
^Be fine, I mean. Why is it that I can type perfectly when I’m not using that typing to communicate with others?
Since as a bisexual I don’t exist, doesn’t that in theory make me the perfect spy/criminal/ninja? Think of all the things I can get away with, as a femmey non-straight woman who also fucks other women. All I have to do is don my queer femme invisibility cloak and I’m good to go.
Side note – the bass player of one of my favorite bands owns 3 Dysons, and he’s the one who uses them (sometimes at 3 am, because he just can’t stand the thought of all those germs lying around un-vacuumed). Does this mean that he is a. kind of OCD, or b. gay, or c. actually a woman? Please enlighten us, MRM.
Oh, no, Cassandra, you definitely EXIST. You just hate men or are a survivor of child abuse or have mental illnesses!
This is one of those times where I like to take my reactions out and look at them, and try to compare them to the reactions of other people.
Ozy, let’s pretend this is a block quote, ok?:
“Neither my girlfriend nor I exist, because of course someone can’t be bisexual, masculine and female-assigned.”
OK, not that we’re past that technical hurdle… I guess you can be “bisexual, masculine and female-assigned.” I can’t wrap my brain around it though. Just cannot. Heck, I had to look up “female-assigned” to make sure what it meant. Don’t really care though, in probably more or less the same intensity that you don’t care about how I react to your gig, and in probably the same way that you’d care about whatever my deal is. Probably never going to meet each other in real life, almost certainly wouldn’t be in a situation where connecting bits to other bits would come up, which means that none of these things matter in a practical sense.
So then we come to the reaction you describe, “all bisexuals apparently were molested as children, hate men or are borderline or narcissistic?” WTF?!?! Really? That’s not like my reaction at all! I’m feeling pretty sure that those sorts of comments are projections from the minds of the people saying them. The sane and rational reaction to consensual sexual and gender… stuffs?… among competent adults should range more or less from “Yum, sign me up!” to “meh, not my thing” and then possibly “EWWWWW!!!” The rest of the reactions are less sane and rational, and more indicative of unresolved internal conflicts and/or character flaws.
You have to wonder if his theories are based on once asking a bisexual woman why she would want to sleep with women even though she likes cock, late at night in a bar when everyone was very drunk, and the exasperated woman replied “YOU. You are why”.
I actually met one of my dearest friends that way, kind of. I was being backed into a corner in a club by a pushy asshole and she ducked under his arm, wrapped her arm around my neck, gave me a kiss, turned to him, and said “We are lesbians, go away”. So maybe she and I are actually responsible for this whole mess, since I’m sure he must have seen both of us fooling around with men too at some point.
Oh, and BTW and somewhat off-topic, but that fucking Dyson is an engineering marvel. I want to hug it sometimes, it is so damned awesome. If my wife weren’t napping I’d probably crank her up and spin her around the downstairs real quick-like. I had a couple of somewhat cheaper vacuums, and they were crushed by the weight of the work… three cats and a dog that shed like crazy, plus my innate need to try to use the vacuum to clean up bigger jobs than it is really suited for.
The Dyson? That thing can vacuum up socks and small shop rags. Love love LOVE my Dyson, one of the best investments I’ve ever made.
Yes, it must be confusing if half (or most, or even all) of the lesbians he’s met aren’t real lesbians but merely pretending in order to avoid spending more than thirty seconds talking to him.
It would play havoc with his statistics, too.
I think I may need a Dyson soon. My new cat has really long hair, and when she sheds and the vacuum sucks it up it creates these weird wool-like clumps. And then the vaccum makes a horrible grinding/gurgling noise and stops, and I have to fish out the clumps before it will work again. It’s kind of annoying.
Clearly I fail at the vacuum arts. If I was just straight, and loved men more, the cat hair clumps would simply dissolve in a cloud of pretty pink sparkles.
We were at Best Buy last weekend and almost walked out with the Dyson broom. We don’t have carpets, so the broom would be a big help in sucking up the ginormous cat hair tumbleweeds. Maybe for Christmas.
Cassandra, pretty pink sparkles would more of a pain in the ass to suck up than cat hair!
Glitter – the herpes of the craft world. It’s worse than sand.
I don’t even like makeup with glitter in it. Gets everywhere, and just when you think it’s off…
The last time I tried to wear glitter eyeshadow I was finding bits of it in clothes I hadn’t even worn while wearing it weeks later. Never again.
ImprobableJoe: I was mocking ThingsAreBad’s remarkable assertations at the link in the OP, where he has three categories of bisexual women (hates men, molested as children, mentally ill). Most people’s actual reaction to my bisexuality is something like “*shrug* pass the popcorn.” :)
Well, my girlfriend and I are both female-assigned in the sense that a doctor looked at my vagina when I was born and was like “yep, it’s a girl”, and that most people in our lives are still working off this assumption. But if you look at what we’re like and compare it to the gender binary, we’re both fairly masculine people– everything from short hair and regularly getting called “sir” to our love of action movies and tendency to kill spiders. Also, we’re both attracted to both genders.
She’s actually a woman, though, whereas I’m genderqueer and run about being all “my gender requires several paragraphs to define!”. :)
Out of curiosity, which Dyson model are we talking about here? I had a Dyson years ago, and it sucked ass. By which I mean that it didn’t suck much of anything.
I love glitter but I’m allergic to all glitter makeup ever. :( The universe is conspiring against allowing me to be David Bowie when I grow up.
“Well, it was a long and arduous journey. It was dark, and damp, and dirty, and at times I wished I could just give up. But you just can’t give up on the search for knowledge. So I soldiered on, and in my researches discovered all there is to know about gay men and lesbians. My long trek was over. Finally, I could climb out of my own ass and share my newfound knowledge with the world.”
@ Ozy – Even the supposedly hypoallergenic mineral kind? That sucks.
Random info dump – best glam rock makeup I ever saw edition. Same dude referred to above who loves vacuuming. He glued a link of tiny little shiny studs all along his bottom eyelid, so they were kind of like shiny eyeliner. It was pretty awesome, but looked like it would be ouchy to remove.
Line, not link. Needs more coffee.
Ozy, if you can’t do Aladdin Sane Bowie, you could always do Thin White Duke Bowie. Super hot.
I’ve got the Dyson DC-28 Animal, but an older version. The new one has multiple settings and makes me want to cry a little… and don’t even get me started on the new 41 model that makes me want to sell plasma and sperm until I’m a dried out husk, as long as I can drag myself to the store and buy it before I faint and sleep for three weeks.
I’m not even wading into the glitter-filled pond of “genderqueer”… although sometimes I envy people for all the excitement they must have with their interesting gender and sexual identities. I’m so dull.
:)
Eh, Joe, it’s mostly annoying. :) It would be nice to be able to come out to someone without giving fifteen minutes of Trans 101 first…
Because it is so exciting to not have your gender acknowledged or respected on a daily basis and so exciting to panic inside when faced with gendered spaces and so exciting to not be able to have the medical care you want because of your gender identity, and to have to lie to doctors in order to get the “nongendered” medical care you need just to live. Oh, the excitement!
Returning to the topic in the OP, I did have a homophobe once try and convince me that I must be a lesbian and that I hadn’t really enjoyed the sex I had had with men, he also thought the femme lesbian acquaintance who was with me had to be hetero or bi. Ah, gender stereotyping of queer people at its finest.
Wow, Improbable, that’s probably the most enthusiastic endorsement of a household appliance that I’ve ever heard. Maybe Dyson should pay you to endorse their product. I mean, you would appeal to a very specific demographic, but still…
Gotta love that he brings back the old “you’re gay because you were abused!” idea, by the way. Can’t go wrong with the classics, huh thingsarebad?
Proof that you can shoot down the same bigoted argument for as long as I’ve been alive and the bigots will still use it, because they won’t let your silly facts mess up their firmly-held convictions!
I’m just surprised the numbers actually add up to 100%
I kind of want to hire Joe as my housekeeper now, actually.
Anyone who thinks (mostly) hetero sex can’t be exciting just doesn’t have enough imagination…
He’s a cut above NWO in his ability to make up numbers other than 90%, 99%, and 100%.
Not to mention that queer sex is not inherently kinkier than straight sex. That perception is what leads people to say “aww” when they see a straight couple kissing, but pull disgusted faces when two women touch lips in public. I mean, kissing! In public, where children can see! It’s seen as a much more sexualized act.
None of this is meant as a condemnation of kink, of course; just as acknowledgment that queer sex is not “exotic” simply by being queer, and therefore kinky.
I had intended that to be a response to your comments about dull vs. exciting, Improbable Joe, but rereading makes me think maybe I misunderstood what you were trying to say. Still, characterizing cis and straight as “boring” sort of implies it is normal and default. I’m sure it’s not what you meant to do!
It kind of sounds like you’re dismissing the reality of non-cis, non-hetero identities, Improbable Joe. I doubt that’s the case, but why did you feel the need to state that you aren’t going to engage with the question of non-binary identities? I could be putting this poorly, but it sounds like you’re dismissing the reality of these identities, or at the very least dismissing the fact that pretty much no one is queer and/or non-gender-normative for the social benefits and fun that result!
The video of the kitty climbing out of the vase again is cuter.
The paean to the Dyson vacuum: possibly the most unlikely Manboobz derail ever!
If I had carpets I would totally buy one. Fortunately I have almost entirely laminate flooring and just a few throw rugs, so I do OK with a broom and a mop and a crappy old vacuum for the corners/rugs/couches.
Folks… heterosexuality is fine, I’m just sort of a boring person. My wife and I have settled down over the years from super wild-and-kinky to… cozy and stereotypical normal. Which is cool, believe me. Cozy and warm and comfortable and dull and I wouldn’t have it any other way. On the other hand, when you look across the fence the grass is always greener and all that. Not looking to denigrate anyone, including me! :)
As to why I wasn’t planning to engage the “genderqueer” thing? Because that would be an even bigger derail, and I wasn’t planning to commit Ozy to any sort of “explain your entire identity to the curious straight guy” action.
And now, back to the Dyson! Seriously though… socks. Right up past the brush, up through the hose and into the dust catcher.
Improbable Joe: a saying from slash fandom: “vanilla is a kink!”.
And while I am totes with you on the Dyson wonderfulness, the use of “normal” in identifying YOUR sexuality leaves those of us who aren’t like you the “abnormal” category which isn’t really too nifty.
Joe you don’t seem to get that non-cis and non-hetero people are just people. You are exotifying them.
UGH… I’m just going to leave it alone.
Yeah…I’d do that if I were you. You just keep digging the hole deeper….
I’ll just let my bunnyfacepalm avatar picture to show how I feel right now…
I tried my hardest, but I simply could not read all of thingsarebad’s megacomment. It was so long, so boring, and so full of shit. I want to do a point by point rebuttal of it, but I don’t have the stamina to try to read it again.
A Kirby salesman told me that Dysons are overpriced balls. I thought that was rich since he was trying to sell me a vacuum that cost 3 times as much as a Dyson. If I could have any vacuum for free, I would get a Roomba. Those things look cool.
Joe: I get that you’re not trying to be insulting, but seriously, you’re coming off as the reason the phrase “check your privilege” was created.
Making non-cis, non-hetero people into the other just reeks of said privilege, and your attempts to explain your thoughts, topped off with the big “UGH,” reeks of not getting it or wanting to.
I get the impression that you’re a feminist ally, it would behoove you to go learn about this stuff. Just don’t expect anyone here to teach you.
Roomba is cool. She is good with cat hair and cleaning under the furniture. You have to empty her and clean her brushes every time, though. And she goes after your knitting. If you put it out of her reach, she bumps the furniture till she knocks it down, and eats it.
And she goes after your knitting. If you put it out of her reach, she bumps the furniture till she knocks it down, and eats it.
That alone is reason enough for me to never get one.
Meh, Roomba’s no worse than the cat ;)
I guess I’ve been pretty lucky in that none of the cats I’ve lived with have really tried to mess with my knitting so far. My housemate’s cat tries to chew the needles, but I prefer aluminum ones anyway, so he can’t do much damage.
He’s just trying to help :)
Yeah, he’s a real sweetheart, that boy. He’s got a weird tendency to try and snuggle pointy sharp things.
thebionicmommy, I have to confess that I didn’t make it through thingsarebad’s whole comment either. I tried, but that final wall of text was just too much for me.
I still say he should have just posted a picture.
Personally I’d appreciate it if MRAs just stop trying to talk about lesbians, they have NO IDEA what they’re talking about.
Rutee, they should just stop talking, period.
They should just talk about me :D
Well, my girlfriend and I are both female-assigned in the sense that a doctor looked at my vagina when I was born and was like “yep, it’s a girl”, and that most people in our lives are still working off this assumption.
…in other words, you are in fact biologically female? Then I’m not sure what the point of the “assigned” part is…
Still, characterizing cis and straight as “boring” sort of implies it is normal and default.
I’m pretty sure making up 90%+ of a population is pretty much the definition of a trait being “normal”.
I couldn’t find a picture of thingsarebad, but I did find a photo of his research laboratory:
For extra fun, go read the thread where he denigrates the service of a woman who died in the line of duty. An extra special TAB edition for Remembrance Day/Veterans Day.
Choice bit: “Of course, I have to have some doubt about Michelle’s “heroics” because the media is so quick to twist a story so as to highlight women as superior to men. Being a woman, it’s actually quite likely that she was a hindrance on her unit and contributed to her own death. I only hope that no one else was killed because of her negligence and the negligence of the government which thinks it “looks good” to have women in the military.”
He says this before he skims the article another poster asks him to read.
http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/m93x6/whenever_i_hear_someone_thank_a_woman_in_the/
Worst thing is, since he posted that shot of himself smirking, I have a super clear image in my head of him doing exactly that while shitting on the memory of a woman awarded the bronze star and a purple heart. Bleh.
@ Pterygotus:
1) “female” as a biological term is not well defined; in fact, some babies are even surgically assigned a sex when their genitalia do not clearly fall on one side of the so-called binary, though most babies are only legally/verbally assigned a sex. Even in terms of chromosomes there is no one “male” vs. “female” configuration.
2) “normal” does not mean “most common” by any stretch of the imagination.
Also, I find the argument of “there is a genderqueer person inhabiting this body, therefore it is a genderqueer body, not a female body” to be fairly persuasive. :)