A PUA, living the dream. And by “living the dream” I mean “being a dick.”
Cheating is jerky. But this picture is still hilarious.
Here’s the bravely anonymous alpha blogger behind “Danger & Play ~ An online magazine for alpha males” explaining “Why You Should Cheat on Your Girlfriend.” I’ve bolded my favorite bit:
Haters will tell you to, “Man up! Break up with your girlfriend if you’re not happy.” They are missing the point. You want to have your cake, and to eat it too. Steady, reliable pussy and the occasional strange is the best of all worlds.
Cheating is a lot of fun, and it’s something I highly recommend. It’s way more exhilarating than bungee jumping, and few things feel as good as banging your girlfriend on the same day you banged some strange.
Cheating keeps your game tight. The best way to regulate your girlfriend is knowing you can bang chicks as hot or hotter than your girl. Well, when you cheat, this isn’t hypothetical. It’s reality.
Somehow I’m guessing there’s a lot more “hypothetical” than “reality” going on in this guy’s posts.
You don’t want an exclusive relationship? Fine. There’s no law saying you have to be in one. You can date casually and non-exclusively. You can have an open or polyamorous relationship. There are a lot of people out there in relationships, yet happily fucking other people outside of them. They’re just above board with it.
But that’s not what’s going on with our PUA friend here. With his talk about “regulat[ing]” girlfriends, he seems more interested in fucking over his girlfriend (assuming such a creature really exists) than he is in fucking strangers (sorry, “stranges”).
That’s not “Game.” That’s just being a dick.
But, hey, Nietzsche! He’s BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL! Or, as he puts it in a comment, “Shame and guilt are beta.”
You know, if you have to go around telling everyone what an Nietzschean ubermensch you are, you’re probably aren’t much of a Nietzschean ubermensch.
Posted on October 17, 2011, in alpha males, beta males, douchebaggery, men who should not ever be with women ever, PUA. Bookmark the permalink. 961 Comments.
felicBC: Something about not wanting to sleep with a guy who’s involved with someone else cos they get clingy and then can’t/won’t decide between 2 girls and hate that they see other people…. But put a little more eloquently.
I think we can safely assume that all the sex this man has had was imaginary*. He has no clue what to do with response from an actual woman, even one safely at a distance on the internet.
*Or one of those real doll thingies.
Oh, yeah. I read that one before it he changed it. Well said.
I’m pretty sure a lot of the comments that make this guy out to be a god were changed too. Ronan Wills said nothing of the sort when I first commented.
So this guy edits or straight up rewrites comments on his blog to make it look like people think he’s awesome? Yeah, I’m sure he’s nothing less than scrupulously honest in reporting how women he’s has sex with.
“…how [many]…”
“:An aging companion who is no longer attractive while mens attractiveness stays stable till at least the mid 40s? ”
LOL! I mean don’t get me wrong – I’m 38 now, and therefore willing to consider men in their 40s as partners. But when I was 25, did I consider men in their 40s as attractive as my 20-something peers? Um, no. Actually in my experience women tend to age better than men, possibly because they make more effort to look good.
Also, in terms of Dracula’s comment, I think the deal with these guys is that most of the fun for them lies in the idea that they’re tricking women into sex that the women wouldn’t be willing to have normally. So the idea of women who just want sex is anathema, because if the woman you pick up just wanted “some strange” too, then how does fucking her prove that you got one over on her, and on other men?
The whole thing is pretty pathetic.
The Ronan Wills comment had just the first line, as a criticism. The blog’s author has added the rest, including the link.
I’m sure there’s plenty of Doctor Who fanfics out there that demonstrate that there’s a large number of women who want to be touched by the Master.
Spearhafoc: The laughter, I have died of it. :)
@Holly:
I think it’s more of a homosocial bonding ritual. They have sex with women not because they *like* women, or even sex, but so they can trade that encounter for some kind of respect in the hierarchy they’ve created.
What I haven’t figured out is what they get out of being so mean to each other.
Spearhafoc: Well, there’s certainly a lot of fanfic where the goal is to get the Master to touch Dr. Who…
Everytime I turn around, I seem to be hearing about something like “how to get even with a cheating spouse by doing it yourself”, or “there’s a world of men out there, don’t limit yourself to one…” and other such encouragement of infidelity in girlyspace. I don’t take note of them, but if you are as observant as you think you are, it is impossible for youall to have missed them in the past few decades.
Women cheat too! Women ENJOY cheating too! Given the fact that most media are woman dominated and woman infested, the likelihood that they will inform about, celebrate, or aid and abet female (heterosexual) infidelity is quite strong. I don’t recall of particulars, but will let you know the first time I see them.
That’s funny, as woman, I think I’d have noticed other women telling me to cheat O.o
For shame, DKM. I’m in a quiet study room and you made everyone stare at me.
I got the giggles under control but I’m still smirking.
This is an old one, but what’s the last movie you saw that had two named female characters who had a conversation with each other that wasn’t about a male character?
This would be pretty disturbing, if I believed a word of it were true.
Steel Magnolias! Oh wait…
The ignorance is strong in this one.
Spear, I think–THINK–“Bridesmaids” passed The Bechdel Test. One of the many reasons it RAWKED.
Mr. Danger and Play thinks I’m boring lol http://dangerandplay.wordpress.com/2011/10/17/indomitable-v-dominating/#comment-428
I agree with Dracula about PUAs. I’ve often thought they’re like people selling books and seminars on how to make a million flipping real estate or doing day trading. If you really could make millions, wouldn’t you just do it and keep the info to yourself? I know I would. No, the real money is in selling books and seminars to suckers.
Thebionicmommy, that quote from that other blog: “Create everything and get what in return? An aging companion who is no longer attractive while mens attractiveness stays stable till at least the mid 40s?”
I wonder if they really believe that, because IMHO men’s attractiveness doesn’t stay any more stable till their mid-40s than women’s does. Some lucky few do get better or remain as attractive as they were in their 20s as they age–they grow into their looks or have great looks from the start or take extra good care of themselves, but most of us end up looking our ages. In fact, I think women often end up looking better than men of similar age because many women take better care of themselves. Men’s fertility might stay stable longer than women’s but not their attractiveness. PUAs, you’re aging just like the rest of us, male and female.
(Oh, CassandraSays, just read your comment. We agree!)
Yup. I’m married to a handsome dude. I am 39, so is he, and he looks great. But I have been mistaken for his daughter. Ouch. Who’s aging better?
I feel like DKM watched several episodes of Sex and the City and assumed everyone on the show was married.
What I haven’t figured out is what they get out of being so mean to each other.
The same thing they get out of bragging about sexual “conquests”. Gaining status among their peers by demonstrating their supposed superiority. Building themselves up by putting others down.
C’mon, peeps, let’s not turn this into a “My gender ages BETTER!” game. Where’s the theory about how men have fewer beauty standards to live up to? :P
Eh. Wasn’t doing that. That just offering a little anecdotal evidence to dispute the notion that the opposite is always true.
Personally, I think women age way, way better, but that could just be a matter of personal taste. Still, I think a bigger issue than actual “aging better” is that men are given more social value as people independent of their looks, whereas women are often seen as only, or as primarily, sex objects only valued for looks. Between a 40 year old woman and a 40 year old men who aged equally “well”, the latter would probably be given more social respect and more social status, both as a romantic partner and on a personal level.
Uh-uh-uh
Aw, DKM, I am disappoint. I was hoping it was going to be something about how if something encourages women to have careers, it was basically encouraging them to cheat since they were cheating on their womanly duties or something.
As a note, even if someone doesn’t limit herself to one man, it’s not infidelity unless she’s in a supposedly-monogamous relationship, DKM. So should you ever get around to finding us that proof, please keep this in mind.
I think it’s all about sex=status to these guys. Their enjoyment of the act is secondary, and their partner’s enjoyment, of course, matters not at all.
Seriously, fucking citation needed. Put up or shut up, Meller.
Yeah, when I found that comment from the Coalpha Brotherhood, I had to share it in this thread. Their theory was that men age better and therefore it’s okay for men to cheat on their wives with prostitutes, but of course women should be monogamous. I agree that every individual ages differently. However, women are encouraged to use wrinkle creams, Botox, and extreme diets to try to keep up their looks more then men. Our beauty obsessed culture (at least in the US) is starting to push men into the anti aging market, too, though.
It’s funny to me that some of the MRA types imagine they will look like Robert Redford when they’re older, and never consider they may look more like Abe Vigoda, no offense to anyone who might find Abe Vigoda attractive. I’m also amazed they claim women in their forties are so gross when Halle Berry and Selma Hayek are 45. If they’re ugly, then I want to be ugly, too.
I don’t know, guys. Me and my boyfriend have this weird thing where we care about each other, and the reason we don’t cheat on one another in order to maintain dominance and control is not because it’s against society’s rules and we haven’t read enough Nietzsche. It’s because the idea of doing that to someone you love (or to anyone, really) is unbelievably unappealing. Is there… Is there something wrong with us? Help, I care about my partner and don’t know how to stop :-O.
Viscaria, all you need to do is be really whiney and use your bf for his money. That way, he’s more inclined to cheat to get you to step up your game. You’re welcome =D
So I read “On the Genealogy of Morality” and while I think it makes a lot of good points I didn’t see anything in there on cheating on a potential girlfriend.
Hey Joanna, thanks! I suppose I should try stop enjoying our sex life, too, so that sex can be something he manages to trick me into via mad game rather than something we share for mutual pleasure.
Meller: “there’s a world of men out there, don’t limit yourself to one…” and other such encouragement of infidelity in girlyspace.
That’s not cheating, not if you tell your partner about it.
Just like having sex with Kajira slave-girls in a paga tavern isn’t cheating on your Free Companion.
The Nietzschean ubermensch is really fond of changing people’s comments. Why even turn them on, if he can’t handle what people say?
Well of course women cheat. People cheat and women are people. If the piece referenced by the OP were regendered it would still be kind of gross and disturbing. And while I don’t necessarily consider infidelity within romantic relationships an inherently feminist issue, if the cited writing were regendered, I would consider it misandry worth mocking.
I think one of the best things about living in an era with so much more freedom is that includes the freedom to openly and honestly seek out relationships that aren’t monogamous if that’s your preference and to have relationships that are if it’s what you want.
He also invited everyone to check my blog out =D
The key here for me is use of the term “strange.” Not “stranger” – a stranger is a person. But “strange,” as in “strange pussy.” Women aren’t people in these guy’s minds. They’re vaginas with legs. People have inconvenient feelings and needs and preferences. Vaginas just need to have a dick in them. Whoever commented that sex for these guys is basically masturbation is right on.
That’s very kind of him! He is nothing but kindness. And comment rewriting. (Vacuumslayer too, I see.)
I am tempted to say, “Nuh-uh” and leave it at that to the proposition that PUAs are having bad, points-scoring sex with disappointed yet eager-to-please party girls. It *is* productive to try to steer men away from the cult-like elements and away from practicing non-consensual kink. (If submissive femininity is women’s being-in-the-world, she doesn’t need to consent, she “is” the kink.) I think anyone who wants to handle the issues seriously would do well to read all of Clarisse Thorn’s blog entries on Pick-Up.
Do these people even want women for something other than sex? Wouldn’t their needs be better served by sex workers and/or fuckbuddies? Don’t get in a relationship unless you want a relationship.
Ozymandias, I don’t think they would like it as much if their sexual partners were okay with them having other sexual partners. They probably get their thrills from sneaking around, lying, and making their partner feel undesirable. Either that or they can’t find women that will agree to give them casual sex, so they promise a monogamous relationship with no intention of keeping that promise.
Ozy, “Dangerandplay” seems to be in it for the pleasure of crushing women’s personalities, not just the sex. I mean, how can one string along a woman until she’s “used up,” a practice he approves of in the comments, if she’s a prostitute?
Yeah, I think casual, mutually beneficial sex removes the joy of shitting all over another human being’s self-esteem for these guys.
Apparently, we’re all going to leave our boyfriends or husbands for this guy. Who knew?
Wow, “used up”, huh? Exactly how many sexual encounters do women have in their sex banks? Does it vary by individual? Is it set at birth? Should I be rationing more carefully so that I can still have sex later in life?
To clarify, that’s not a quote of our friend Dangerandsociopathy. Rather, he approved of “tear[ing] up” a woman’s vagina–how do you do that? Having sex, apparently–while stringing her along. Elsewhere, he talks about how any woman over twenty-six is a cougar by definition, even if she’s very attractive. Basically what I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t expect logic or objective criteria from these people.
Moewicus, if you try to bring rational argument into it, he turns you into a fat, yeasty vagina.
“Elsewhere, he talks about how any woman over twenty-six is a cougar by definition, even if she’s very attractive. ”
So basically he’s about 18? That would explain a lot.
Yeah, some PUAs fully admit that much of what they call “alpha behavior” consists of being an asshole. Their attitude is, “Well, I didn’t want to be an asshole to start with, but you sick, twisted females are most attracted to assholes who mistreat you, so what the hell, I will embrace my evil side and have fun doing it, and get lots more sex thereby.” This subcategory of PUAs are not ashamed to call themselves dicks. They are proud.
On the other hand, he has a few good tips on avoiding a false rape allegation:
dangerandplay.wordpress.com/2011/09/21/how-to-avoid-a-false-rape-case/
Just like at work, you got to cover your ass.
Felix, Nietzsche was well known for changing the comments on his blog (Fred’s UberThoughts); it’s what ubermenschen do.
@David: I am so sending you a bill for monitor cleaning and keyboard replacement? Do you know how damn hard it is to get Coke Zero (A MANLY DRINK YO) out of keyboards? Hmmm??
@Wisteria, I have no doubt the douchebags at CoAlpha Brotherhood believe all that stuff they said. In fact, that quote I copied isn’t nearly as bad as some of the stuff fschmidt used to say at love-shy.com. Believe me, you wouldn’t want to know the vile things he’s said.
Late to the party, but how can you “regulate” your girlfriend if she doesn’t know you’re cheating? These guys make no sense.
Sex with a PUA must be the absolute worst.
Brandon, you would think that’s good advice. Here’s some more: don’t be the kind of asshole who might need to worry about false accusations.
@ozymandias42 – In an older post, he addresses the question of why a hardcore, alpha male such as himself would want a girlfriend at all. He cited an example of how it was late at night, he had just worked all day, and he was able to come home and immediately fuck his girlfriend. He knew that he would be fucking her in the morning as well, with no effort. In addition, she does stuff for him – she brought over food and picked up prescriptions, and she earlier brought him his morning coffee too.
He then makes the very good point that picking up a “bar slut” (or something like that) would require more time and effort that he doesn’t have, and also she wouldn’t do stuff for him.
When people are unable to feel intimate or loving toward their partners, it makes me sad. Not that he doesn’t richly deserve it.
DKM’s probably thinking of some Cosmo revenge fantasy article. I’m sure you could find a few women’s magazines with articles in their archives that fit DKMs description. But then, these magazines also tell women to key the cars of cheating boyfriends, lose weight by eating ice cream, surprising the bf by adding ice, mint or pepper to blowjobs, and suggest that $300 is a reasonable price for jeans. Any lady who takes this kind of guidance at face value kinda deserves the inevitable consequences that are headed her way.
I really do not see why some people are so enamoured with Nietzsche, his arguments are terrible and he’s a douchebag.
Hellkell – I think it’s that he feels more confident and manly and therefore capable of ‘regulating’ his gf’s behaviour. Proving to himself on a regular basis that he doesn’t ‘need’ her or access to her ladybits for (what is probably very bad) sex helps with the alpha ‘tude required for girlfriend-control.
…
…
Ick.
Reading Brandon’s support for his FRA blog just brought me to a (personal?) revolution. I didn’t understand why MRAs were so obsessed with FRA, and now it is so obvious to me.
The goal of PUAs and game is conniving, scheming, lying, badgering, coercing women to have sex with them. The increase in game and it’s dishonesty is what is supposedly behind this increase in FRA? They proactively know the female will feel so awful about the sex under duress that they put in place anti FRA protocol?
What??????
My skin is crawling :(
@HellKell: The whole point of false rape accusations is that it doesn’t really matter what my behavior is. I could be the biggest asshole or the most sensitive wimp in the world and it doesn’t mean anything. What you are saying is that if I act and behave a certain way (as opposed to creating a “paper trail” of evidence to prove that I got consent), I can avoid a false rape accusation. This is simply not true. You will find both assholes and regular average joes have had false rape accusations.
@Jill: I don’t find my methods are conniving or deceitful in any way. In fact, I am pretty open and blunt with women. I pretty much have a “take it or leave it” attitude and if she doesn’t want to sleep with me or spend time with me…there are other women that will. I am not going to lower myself to badgering her to have sex. My time is better spent elsewhere.
One of the commenters on that FRA post named Badger said this (forgive me, I’m not sure how to use quotes): “…if you want to really protect yourself don’t bang a chick who’s had more than two or three drinks unless she’s your serious girlfriend or wife. If she’s drunk, she’s a lot more likely to regret the previous night, and if she says she was drunk, by legal definition she’s been raped.”
Erm, indeed. Not raping someone is a fantastic way of avoiding a rape accusation. Not sure where the “false” part comes in…
I like how that guy went right to “fat” when attempting to shut me up. It just says SO MUCH about how repulsive these folks are. I’m actually not fat…which is kinda funny, I guess. But I think that’s the point: you can use it as a bludgeon against any woman.
The thing that’s heinous about that is that in order to use that to shut women up, you HAVE to be cognizant of looksist-based misogyny.
Omg, I feel so naive, I thought MRAs were just paranoid about FRA, but coercing someone to have sex with you who does not want to is actually one of the goals of PUAs…
@Jill: What’s that feminist standard line? “Feminism isn’t a monolith”. Well the same can be said of PUA’s. While I personally don’t buy into the PUA scene (I see it as a way to sell e-books and seminars at ridiculous prices), there are also a wide array of styles. Some are flat out coercive while others take the stance of “make yourself attractive to as many women as possible”. I don’t really see anything wrong with teaching men to take calculated chances, dress better and behave in a way that doesn’t make you look like the typical “nice guy”. (e,g being assertive)