A PUA, living the dream. And by “living the dream” I mean “being a dick.”
Cheating is jerky. But this picture is still hilarious.
Here’s the bravely anonymous alpha blogger behind “Danger & Play ~ An online magazine for alpha males” explaining “Why You Should Cheat on Your Girlfriend.” I’ve bolded my favorite bit:
Haters will tell you to, “Man up! Break up with your girlfriend if you’re not happy.” They are missing the point. You want to have your cake, and to eat it too. Steady, reliable pussy and the occasional strange is the best of all worlds.
Cheating is a lot of fun, and it’s something I highly recommend. It’s way more exhilarating than bungee jumping, and few things feel as good as banging your girlfriend on the same day you banged some strange.
Cheating keeps your game tight. The best way to regulate your girlfriend is knowing you can bang chicks as hot or hotter than your girl. Well, when you cheat, this isn’t hypothetical. It’s reality.
Somehow I’m guessing there’s a lot more “hypothetical” than “reality” going on in this guy’s posts.
You don’t want an exclusive relationship? Fine. There’s no law saying you have to be in one. You can date casually and non-exclusively. You can have an open or polyamorous relationship. There are a lot of people out there in relationships, yet happily fucking other people outside of them. They’re just above board with it.
But that’s not what’s going on with our PUA friend here. With his talk about “regulat[ing]” girlfriends, he seems more interested in fucking over his girlfriend (assuming such a creature really exists) than he is in fucking strangers (sorry, “stranges”).
That’s not “Game.” That’s just being a dick.
But, hey, Nietzsche! He’s BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL! Or, as he puts it in a comment, “Shame and guilt are beta.”
You know, if you have to go around telling everyone what an Nietzschean ubermensch you are, you’re probably aren’t much of a Nietzschean ubermensch.
Posted on October 17, 2011, in alpha males, beta males, douchebaggery, men who should not ever be with women ever, PUA. Bookmark the permalink. 961 Comments.
This seems to be set in an alternate universe where your girlfriend won’t just leave instead of being “regulated.”
I suppose that’s where the “no one else would ever love you” emotional abuse comes in. :(
No, you see, Holly, women are uncontrollably attracted to men who fuck women who aren’t them, so they can’t leave, because where else would they find a man who fucks a woman who isn’t them! It’s SCIENCE!
…This theory suggests that women are naturally polyamorous.
“Polyamorous” here suggests that the women, too, are having other partners than just this guy. I somehow suspect that would not fly with this dude. [insert some "theory" and evo psych here as to how men are programmed to sow their wild oats, etc, blah blah barf]
I suppose there are girls that “let” their boyfriend cheat on them…but they have as much social intelligence as the MRA guys so go figure…
It grosses me out that he refers to his other sexual partners as “strange”. Yuck. I’d also like to read his opinions on cuckolding. There’s the cheating double standard right there. He wants his girlfriend to be monogamous, but he wants to run around.
Check out this quote from Ardia about the cheating double standard at the blog Co Alpha Brotherhood.
I respect men and women who have the guts to be honest with the partners about whether or not they can be monogamous, and apply the same standards to both people in the relationship.
He’d also be the first to whine about the bitches if his fictional girlfriend fucked around on him. But you’re right, most of these skidmarks are all talk, no action.
I’m starting (okay, continuing) to think that these guys get something very different out of sex than most people do.
It’s not physical. Actual sexual technique rarely comes up in the PUAverse, partly because they’re not actually getting laid, partly because sex where you don’t actually know any of your partners is never going to get very sophisticated, but mostly because it doesn’t matter to them.
It’s not emotional, in the conventional sense of “having sex makes me feel intimate with my partner and happy because we made each other feel good.”
Instead it seems to be based entirely on achievement. Sex is all about who you can get, and how many. The actual act is just planting the flag.
They’re very excited about getting sex, but completely joyless when it comes to having sex. I almost feel bad for them.
I feel worse for the women who came expecting physical and/or emotional enjoyment and instead got a flag planted on them.
This theory that men can’t be monogamous can be thwarted by science!
http://jezebel.com/5849842/six-myths-about-sex-and-gender-busted
I guess if the shoe was on the other foot and it was his girlfriend cheating on him it would be a different story wouldn’t it?
Something I’ve long suspected about allot of PUA game types, its hatred of women/themselves that drives them not love of sex.
Does anyone have an estimate about how many of these PUA guys are running around? because this is one of the reasons why I avoid the dating scene. Although their game tactics are pretty easy to figure out, just the thought of running into one of these manipulative d-bags just turns me off to it completely. It makes more sense to do something more productive…
PUA is a vicious cycle. I’ve read some of their blogs and a lot of them are angry at women and don’t like them. They use the tactics for revenge, which in turn will probably turn a lot of women who fell for it bitter and will reinforce the “men are dogs” stereotype.
Exactly how is this NOT creating an even bigger battle of the sexes?
Quackers: I wish a PUA would pick me up. I am sickly curious about whether I’d fall for it. (Actually, at this point, I’d probably go along with it. “Oh, how cute, you’re negging? Look, it’s a qualifier and now it’s time for… a DHV, how awesome! Awww, the Cube, I haven’t seen someone do that since the Game.”)
Holly: Not to mention that if “obtaining sex” is your big source of validation… that’s kind of sad. :(
@Holly you’re not far off the mark with that thinking in fact here’s super blogger Clarissa with a take on the situation that is similar to yours
http://clarissasblog.com/2011/10/14/are-puas-really-looking-for-sex/
I imagine there are sets of socks lined on his bed (or some other kind of toy) which he names with different women names and he “cheats” to them. Because no way in hell any real people are falling for this crap or putting up with this treatment. He sounds like the biggest loser ever. I presume that there could be some sorry human being who really does that but it sounds like he has some serious issues. Also, he dounds like the crappiest lover ever so… maybe that’s the reason behind it? Not so much of “keep her on her toes” but “I can’t be in steady relationship’.
I know there are people who prefer to change partnes or stick to random sex… but as someone else already mentioned sex has nothing to do with this and just some shmuck insecurities.
Ugh, imagine the uproar if we switch the genders here though.
But yeah… cheating is awesome until its been him on the cheated side. Then beware of the MRA moaning and complaining for feminism ruining women.
Boring even for you guys.
They are not even trying…
P.S. Did anyone else think “oh, what the hell have particles to do with this… oh, he is just trying to be cute here” or it was just me?
ozymandias42: I remember a guy in a van pulled up beside me while I was walking into town and he said “Excuse me, can you give me directions to your heart.”
I face palmed so hard I gave myself a headache.
Eneya: I am certain there are a lot of PUA types who are out there making it work. I also think they aren’t likely to be writing blogs about how good their game is. If what they are after is sex, as opposed to status in a homosocial group, they don’t need to talk about it.
So I suspect the PUA blogs, and the various boasts are ways of obtaining some sort of currency of credibility. Since actual sex can’t really be proven they do it by showing how disposable women are to them.
Exactly. He can cheat, but women who do so are terrible misandrist whores.
I don’t think the PUA bloggers are able to have good sex. As Holly said, they don’t seem to like women. I don’t think one needs to have a deep, much less abiding relationship with someone to have some good sweaty fun with them.
But one does have to see them as a person, not just a piece of tail (oh, sorry, “strange”). At that point one’s partner isn’t really a partner, but a fleshlight with a pulse. If they aren’t people how can you relate to making them feel good?
At that point it’s safer to stick to toys.
It’s high time these Pua dweebs up something that doesn’t exist (Game) and make more women actually like them
Why is it that every douchebag who justify themselves using Nietzsche somehow don’t understand that explicitly choosing to embrace what society considers evil is NOT being “beyond good and evil”, it’s being *evil*. On purpose. It is not rejecting society’s value system, but embracing it while choosing to take the opposition’s camp.
Someone who is actually “beyond good and evil” would choose to make decisions based on their own, objectively arrived at value system. It certainly would not involve basing all of your self-esteem on what a bunch of other males think is your level of ‘Game’.
Cheating is fucking dumb. It is embracing the paradigm of monogamy for your partner but not for thee. Have some intellectual consistency man. If you can fuck some ‘stranges’, well so should your ‘chick’ (*gawd* what stupid language these people have) be allowed to.
BlackBloc: Why is it that every douchebag who justify themselves using Nietzsche somehow don’t understand that explicitly choosing to embrace what society considers evil is NOT being “beyond good and evil”, it’s being *evil*. On purpose. It is not rejecting society’s value system, but embracing it while choosing to take the opposition’s camp.
ummm…. OOH!, I got it.
Because they haven’t actually read Nietzsche.
Or if they have, they didn’t understand it, and didn’t read the Cliff’s Notes.
I admit I used to be into the PUA scene a while ago, when the Mystery Method was the hottest new thing and there were whole communities of people talking about this stuff. The techniques are mostly BS, Mystery was a magician and he basically incorporated magic tricks and working the crowd into a pickup approach. They’re not much help if you aren’t into the bar/club scene and willing to do canned routines. The only thing that’s worth retaining is the advice about being confident in your own abilities and building an interesting life.
The guy in the OP has nothing to do with PUA technique, he’s just a jerk. I knew someone just like that a couple of years ago, he cheated on his gf yet was insanely jealous of her seeing anyone else, his reasoning was that he was allowed to do that because he was “the man”. They broke up that same year.
Ozymandias: I doubt I’d fall for it, because I’ve studied their techniques so I keep an eye out for them when I do actually date. I’d probably do the same as you and go along with it, or just walk away. Maybe I’m too idealistic, but I think the best way to approach dating is to just be yourself. If you have to have your game on all the time, its just sad and I imagine tiresome if being a jerk is not who you really are. I’ve even heard of game for married men…I mean really??
Blac Bloc: yea what IS the deal with these guys and Nietzsche? I mean, you can have different morals from other people but that doesn’t mean you have to purposely be an ass to them. Did he actually say this? (in fancier words, I suspect ass wasn’t used lol) or is it just the way these guys interpret him?
Two things
One it’s a blog not a magazine.
Two If you have to tell people on a blog that you are a alpha male no one except for yourself (only externally) thinks you are.
OK, if they are using a personaly created set of norms… what kind of pathetic asses they are that they also use the patriatchic system and values about men having many women but all of these women sleeping only with them?
It sounds to me like they have simply taken bits and pieces of the think they like i.e. beyond good and evil but not actually created or even thought for anything really.
Wow… men bragging about how many women they have slept with and how eaily they can change women… how’s that novel or original or telling us that they are more complicated than a shrimp?
To paraphrase the Tales of Hodja Nassreddin: Thumbs up for the author of the article for having come up with a perfect recipe for personal happiness and success! Now we can safely say half the job is done. All that remains is to persuade some woman to be his girlfriend and a bunch of other women to be his accomplices in cheating on her. Piece of cake!
Yeah… no.
First off as a man’s man and a ladies man(ha!), I can tell you that any definition of a “real man” has to include integrity somewhere in the top 2 items on your personal checklist. This whole “Alpha male as proudly dishonest cretin” business is the exact opposite of something that decent people would aspire to.
Second, I agree with the assumption that PUAs aren’t particularly good at sex, or having very much of it. You have to wonder if the PUAs need for multiple sexual partners is based in part on not having the physical… ummm… “skills” to keep a woman interested, on top of them being emotionally empty. I mean, if a guy for some reason feels the need to brag about something sexual it would probably be more impressive to keep his girlfriend/wife happy in be for years on end, rather than having quick and unsatisfying sex with a whole lot of anonymous women once each.
I have my own pet theory about PUA guys, and it basically goes that they’re all a bunch of suckers. You’ve got these PUA gurus or whatever, writing books and giving seminars and holding conferences and workshops and such, all saying “Look how laid I’m getting! Buy my [insert good or service here] to find out how!” According to whom are these guys getting laid so much? You only have the word of someone who’s obviously trying to sell you something. They’re no different then any other self-help con artist.
On top of that, and this relates to Ozy’s comments about going along with it, how many PUAs who think they’ve totally worked their Game successfully have been played for chumps by women who just wanted a quick fuck themselves, so they just went along with his transparent bullshit to get what they wanted out of him? All these “techniques” are readily available to the public. Do these guys honestly think women can’t figure out how to exploit it for their own benefit?
“Do these guys honestly think women can’t figure out how to exploit it for their own benefit?”
I ashamedly admit that I used to use guys in bars to buy me drinks…and then not go home with them. >.>
*le gasp* How misandrist of me! =O
When you read Roissy, danger and play, or other PUA stuff, it’s obvious these guys don’t actually like women. They also believe that whenever women have sex, they lose some “sexual market value”. Is that part of the reason they want to have sex with a lot of women? They don’t like women, so they want to sleep with them in order to “damage” them. It’s like they’re not in it for the fun of having sex, but for getting back at women in general. It’s such a sad way to treat something as great as sex.
This is strange and disturbing. Let’s talk about robot snakes instead.
What would you people do without those PUA and reddit clowns …
Instead of warning his brothers to avoid all women, he encourages the most hazardous lifestyle that a man can have. How long until this clown is falsely accused of DV or SA by an angry jilted “strange”?
Idiot.
Pretty much their interpretation. There’s some problematic parts in Nietzsche (I like some parts of it, but most of the good parts also can be found in Stirner, so there’s really no need to hitch yourself to the Nietzschean bandwagon) but most of them misinterpret the idea that one ought to be beyond good and evil (by which one examines the world without ideological preconceptions brought about by societal or individual prejudices) with actively embracing doing things that society considers evil.
What about all of the books, videos, radio talkshows, websites, and even classes aggressively marketed to women, that encourage and celebrate FEMALE infidelity? Thought that we wouldn’t notice that, didn’t you, although they are as hard to miss, is this feminist hellhole of a country, as a full grown elephant in your bathtub!
PEACE AND FREEDOM
David K. Meller
“What about all of the books, videos, radio talkshows, websites, and even classes aggressively marketed to women, that encourage and celebrate FEMALE infidelity? ”
What? Where?
I’m just trying to imagine how fucked up I’d have to be to want to actively hurt my partner. Seriously, I try to put myself in this space and imagine it and…yeah, I’ve got nothing. I can’t imagine myself looking at my baby and thinking “You know what would be awesome? Fucking around on you just ’cause I can especially because I’m certain it would hurt you. That shit would rock.”
And I’m pretty “pro” sexual variety.
Still, I’ve seen examples of men and women who stayed with partners who cheated on them constantly despite not having any kind of equitable understanding. It seemed to do a real number on their self-esteem but one could argue, I suppose, that they were happier with their partner than without them. I guess.
I don’t know…
God, I bet this guy is awful in bed. This just reeks of sexual insecurity.
Joanna, I think he means anything advertized as “embracing your sexuality”, “dating where you make the first move”, and “dumping partners who are actually awful but your self esteem is too horrible for you to realize this”.
One thing is clear from their ravings: these guys are incapable of intimacy. Intimacy, which can be had with a casual partner as well as a long-term one, is what makes having sex with another person so much more pleasurable than, you know, mere masturbation. These guys, however, are very unfortunate in that they only know how to masturbate. On the off chance they have sex with a woman (not likely in any event), they use the woman’s body basically as a hand to jerk off with. Even if not impotent, they are sexually defective — which explains their frustration.
Yeah Zarat, I’m sure “false” accusations are exactly what people who treat women like objects without agency who exist to be conquered and disposed of have to worry about. Gods, you’re ridiculous.
Live in a world that was better in several small but significant ways.
Don’t you know that caring about whether your female partner has pleasure is soooo beta?
“What would you people do without those PUA and reddit clowns …”
Looking at pictures of bunnies, probably. Or mopping, which I should get to right now… :P
I hate comparing my past relationships, but if I compare my last relationship with my current relationship I have to say I’m much happier in my current one. In my last one I was inclined to look at other guys and even have “forbidden thoughts” about other guys, and I guess that was because I wasn’t 100% happy in that relationship.
Now, I can’t even look at another guy the same way as I do with my bf. Even thinking about sex with another guy is just…gross. Besides… there’s no way the sex could possibly be better with anyone else XD I must just be a lot happier with my current partner. These PUAs will probably never be happy with anyone and will just float from stranger to stranger having meaningless, mediocre sex. Poor them.
I’d venture a guess they don’t even like sex itself that much. The real enjoyment for them is telling about it. It’s really pathetic.
DKM, I guess I have some ideas of what you might mean, but my morbid curiosity has got the better of me: can you give us some examples?
Antz: What would you people do without those PUA and reddit clowns …
Be happy for that much less misogyny in the world.
Meller: Don’t you have some woman to convince to become your slave, so you can show her how much you love her by letting he rpush your buttons so you can beat on her?
Molly: He means anything which allows women to have any sense of sexual agency at all. He thinks women are supposed to be sexual; but they are supposed to long for the touch of “The Master”, and the master is the one who decides if she gets to have any sort of affectionate contact.
That way they will be love starved (and remember, they should never go out of doors in an immodest fashion), and so be hanging all over him, if he permits it.
I think that Eat, Pray, Love was about some woman cheating on her husband. That is “celebrating” it because there was a book, a movie and um…that is all. A book, A movie not dozens, which indicates to me that apparently this mass movement is all in DKM’s mind.
There also was criticism from at least one feminist magazine.
———————-
About the topic, it is sad that this is about controlling someone. How can anyone be happy in that kind of situation?
Drink a lot less.
I wonder how many of them are self-aware enough to cut out the middleman, tell amazing stories about their amazing sex lives, and then go home happy?
I’m not even making fun of that. It seems like a workable solution; the only danger is of spectators not realizing that’s what’s going on and trying to emulate it in real life. If everyone was aware on some level that all that matters is the sex you say you have, these guys could all have a peaceful solution to their needs.
Ok, not really.
That is assuming they’re not just making up stories about real women they know in order to impress their buddies. I remember a guy in high school that would tell fictional stories of his exploits in the guys’ locker room. He named names, and made a lot of girls very mad. Thankfully, everyone knew he was full of shit. The key to your solution is that the women they talk about “conquering” have to be fictional.
“I think that Eat, Pray, Love was about some woman cheating on her husband.”
According to Wikipedia, it was about the author’s life after her divorce.
It was still a shittacular piece of shit, but apparently it wasn’t about infidelity.
Does anyone else see this as wildly unethical? Because I sure do. Sure, safe sex is important and can reduce risk greatly, but it’s not perfect, and if one of his “stranges” happens to give him a disease not only has he given someone else a disease through his irresponsibility he has likely lost his girlfriend as well.
On top of dangerously irresponsible, he’s a coward, too. Initially I read this as regulating one’s girlfriend by letting her know that there are better options for him, but he doesn’t even take that manipulative line that far. It’s just about knowing you can.
Antsy said:
Antsy, do you stay away from all men as well? You never know when another man might accuse you of raping him, or threatening him, or stealing something from him. Do you ever interact with children? Yikes.
Maybe what you should do is avoid humanity altogether.
Then again, if those risks are too small to justify avoiding all members of those categories, well, so too are the risks of interacting with women.
I thought Eat, Pray, Love was about a recently divorced woman, not a cheating woman. Maybe I’m wrong, never read/saw it.
Holly, the problem is the self-deception. They know how much action they are, or aren’t getting, but they believe action is possible. They are convinced that there are guys out there who have, “THE SECRET” and get all the sex they want.
But they are sure that there is some PUA who has figured out, “THE SECRET” so they have to keep chasing after El Dorado, because someone, somewhere might not be lying, and then all the tall tales they tell become wortheless.
If they all knew they were all lying, it would be easy,but the lies would no longer serve a purpose, so they have to believe there is, “THE SECRET.
And they are right. There is a secret and the secret is
1: Knowing how much sex you want.
2: Treating other people as people, not things (what Kant meant by, “People are not means to an end, but an end in themselves.
3: Being honest with those people they interact with.
If they can do the second, all the others become possible, but they refuse to do the second. Women are, “other”, and “lesser” and means to an end (status with other men who hate women).
Since women are people, treating them as things is a short road to faillure, which makes them bitter.
This is a good solution as long as the women they claim to “conquer” are fictional or anonymous. It wouldn’t be right for them to name real life women as their partners.
Oops, sorry to double post, David. I had computer problems.
I could be wrong on that book-I find those kinds of books to be…irritating so I never read it.
Sadly, Pecunium, you’re probably right.
I think a lot of them are also obsessed with the idea of a completely internal locus of control. They’re willing to accept the idea that they got turned down because their Game was off or they were Beta, but not the woman made her own decision to turn them down.
And so the ultimate goal is to be so Alpha that you can control all women.
have lives filled with “PEACE AND FREEDOM!!!!”
What library is this guy going to? Or did I miss the grand opening of Barnes & FemiNoble?
female infidelity = women making their own decisions about who they sleep with
pretty sure that’s what he means -_-
I want to know where you can take classes on cheating on your partner. (I mean, besides PUA seminars.)
My local adult-ed center has classes on public speaking, “Massage for Partners” (one of those things I can’t even conceive of in PUA-world, what with the distressing vulnerability and dangerous intimacy it requires), hand-tool wordworking, and a workshop on mushroom hunting, but somehow I don’t see a listing for “Learn to Cheat For Fun And Profit!”
LMFAO! I posted a comment on Fernando’s blog post which he rather maturely changed to something else. Fuck it’s hilarious! Check it out!
Not Fernando…whatever his name is…
Could you link us to this person who has some sort of name that isn’t Fernando?
Otherwise I can’t check it out.
Joanna, what did you say originally?
It’s the blog post that this blog post is about =P. Scroll down to the comments http://dangerandplay.wordpress.com/2011/10/13/why-you-should-cheat-on-your-girlfriend/
It’s the first link in David’s post.