Quotations from Chairman Alcuin
Dude, you should totally read this shit!
Like Chairman Mao, the MRA blogger Alcuin is a massive douchebag with intellectual pretensions far outstripping his limited brainpower. Also like Mao, Alcuin is perhaps best appreciated in tiny doses. Most of his posts are rambling, pretentious messes; yet many of them contain wonderful little nuggets of anti-wisdom that I feel compelled to share with you all.
Mao had his Little Red Book. Here’s part one of Alcuin’s Little Red-Faced Book. Click on the titles for the full posts.
[A] woman only thinks of her next meal, and which man can provide the best one for her. … Allow them to run organizations and society, and they will destroy everything. … Women are too emotional and self-centered to build civilization.
All Feminists are Doctor’s Daughters:
Feminism, the domain of doctor’s daughters, is for snobs. Men with dirty fingernails are haughtily ignored and dismissed. … Ironic, ain’t it, that feminists can be both perpetual victims and upper-class snobs at the same time, with the same remark and arrogant flick of the hair, as she puts her nose in the air and walks past. … Uppity cunts.
Dare to Struggle, Dare to Backlash:
Because feminism has attacked humans so viciously, injecting its hate-filled venom so deeply into both men and women, the “reaction” will not be a mere rainstorm. Deep, psychotic imbalance such as the type wrought by feminism and by liberals in general will necessitate a fucking shitstorm the likes of which we’ve hardly seen.
Constant rape accusations are ridiculous, given the sexless marriage epidemic. How many bored, asexual women stuck in a sexless marriage would love to be taken?
Modern miseduated western women fear their femininity, fear their natural beauty, and run away from it. … The hags we currently see in western countries resemble a clear-cut, eroded mountain. A contemporary western woman reminds one of the landscape created by the orcs in The Lord of the Rings, ugly and unnatural, a place of evil and sadness.
More to come; Alcuin’s idiocy is a renewable resource.
Posted on September 29, 2011, in $MONEY$, antifeminism, douchebaggery, evil women, misogyny, MRA, oppressed men, patriarchy, rape, rapey, reactionary bullshit, threats. Bookmark the permalink. 224 Comments.
If women ruled the world there’d be no wars, just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other. :p
Owwwwwwwwwww… The irony, it burns…
Also, remind me when I finally reanimate my father to tell him he was upper class instead of working class. Who knew?
Oh, one more thing…
Says the guy whose blog, named after himself, is based on anger. See my comment above re: burning irony.
“Your body is a wonderland. Specifically, Mordor.”
Hengist – Women were in charge of the Cold War?
Who knew.
You know what irks me the most about this kind of thinking? In the past I’ve had -one- relationship where I wasn’t the primary bread winner and didn’t pay for almost everything. I’ve been in three relationships in my life. My first boyfriend was the kind of guy who would pay for things if he could and usually tell me no thanks when I offered to pay. My second boyfriend was younger than me and more than happy to let me use my money to pay for everything. My third and eventual ex-husband made less than I did, hated that I was doing better and resented me buying most everything. Yet he still took what I provided and happily smoked pot on his way through two and a half years of college that he eventually dropped out of because he couldn’t handle it and because I divorced his ass.
Now you tell me; who was thinking of where their next meal was coming from in those last two relationships? By the way, at the time, I paid for most things because I had more money and I didn’t mind because, at the time, I cared about the men I was with.
“Hengist – Women were in charge of the Cold War?
Who knew.”
Since they were apparently behind so many male scientists and inventors, why not the Cold War leaders too? :p
Hengist: Behind? That’s your definition of being in charge? Spending one’s life stuck behind someone else’s ass? Gee, I didn’t know the Taliban were a feminist movement — they require women to be behind men upon pain of vicious beating.
If anyone identifies as asexual which really just means “a” as in non… Then I highly doubt they want to be raped. Logic fail. Also as a side note there are quite a few male asexuals out there. The founder of AVEN and one of the bigger faces for the visibility of asexual people is male. On the forums at AVEN I see just as many male posters as female.
What is a womans “natural beauty” anyway? I mean if she is naturally beautiful then she could look that way no matter if she wears a dress or a pair of pants. I see less girly women being more natural since they don’t wear a lot of make up or fake hair or nails… Must be that logic thing again. (not that being girly if you want to is a bad thing)
Is your nickname ironic, or something? I meant “behind” as in “the real power behind the throne” kind of thing, just like all those women who were the real brains behind famous scientists and whatnot. My fault, I forgot feminists aren’t exactly famed for their sense of humor.
(the above was directed at Amused, obviously).
Alcuin sure does like to talk out of his ass. Rather than spout off his theories on women’s sexuality and rape fantasies, he should try talking to actual women to understand them. It was like chuckeedee a while back trying to link rape fantasies with street harassment. I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on men’s sexuality, so why are so many MRA’s pretending to be experts on women’s sexuality?
Gee, I didn’t know the Taliban were a feminist movement — they require women to be behind men upon pain of vicious beating.
Wrong, they walk in front now, because of the landmines.
Hengist: I admit humbly that I would never compete with an MRA or a misogynist in the Sense of Humor Department. In my defense, though, obsessively studying real history may have robbed me of any ability to laugh at stupid jokes. It was underwhelming to learn, for example, that all those stories about “the real power behind the throne”, told throughout history, are bullshit. Otherwise, especially beloved royal wives and favored royal servants would not so frequently find themselves murdered or executed. (And men wouldn’t so strenuously object to being relegated to the position of éminence grise, self-effacing husbands, quietly influencing policy made by women in a world officially run ONLY by women. Whatssamatter, boys? The only way to have real power is to have NO power, right?) Also, no, the Dutchess of Portsmouth never had any influence on royal policy.
@thebionicmommy: You only say that because you are a humorless bitch. Meanwhile, Hengist here is working hard making HUMOR, and you can’t even appreciate it, you dessicated feminist clipfish. He’s talking out of his ass on purposes, because ass is funny.
Ha.
Ha.
Ha.
I actually don’t think this is willful stupidity of the kind that drives most MRA-isms. This actually seems more like science illiteracy.
We are not saying that Babbage was a chump. The Difference Engine work done by him was no less critical than that done by Lovelace. But all of that work needed to be done, and there’s little evidence that Babbage had another collaborator who could have. I’m also not clear on whether Babbage himself could have done that work in a much longer timeframe, nor on how much time he would have had to work alone. However, Babbage’s contributions are not undervalued. He is actually remembered as the father of Computers… except if he’s the father, Lovelace is the mother (Had Ada Lovelace been Adam Lovelace, then Computer Science would have two fathers). Her work was equally critical.
Technology and science rarely depend on one person; I strongly suspect it’s hyperbole to say we wouldn’t have computers at all without Lovelace, or even without Lovelace and Babbage. But they likely would have come later, and history would likely be different for it (And we almost certainly wouldn’t have the same level of computer technology as we do now).
Now, I don’t know the situation at all with the work on genes, so I won’t comment. But it sounds more like the claim is stolen research than ‘woman behind the man’.
I have beef with the allegation that we’re all a bunch of stuck-up doctor’s daughters. My father is a mechanic. At one time, he owned and operated the family gas station, but currently he just repairs cars. Thanks to his upbringing, I’m pretty handy with a wrench, and I can change my own oil and tires (I even taught my fiance how to). Dirty hands/fingernails are by no means foreign to me (hell, even if I didn’t know how to do those things, I’m an STNA–fecal matter and other bodily fluids are a regular part of the job, though luckily we have gloves for that). I’m also actually the very first person in my family to go to college. But you know, making sweeping generalizations is cool too.
Yeah, pretty sure “asexual” doesn’t mean what he thinks it means. But I’d like to hear more about this “sexless marriage epidemic”. I bet it envolves feminized, mangina husbands, who can’t give their wives the violent, cave man sex their biologically wired to want, even if they say they don’t. Do I win anything?
Amused and Rutee: Thank you for perfectly illustrating the “dour, humorless feminist” stereotype. Let me guess, if someone off-handedly mentioned that, I dunno, Superman is better than Batman, you have a five-paragraph essay with bibliography and footnotes ready for them the next day, to prove them wrong? It was a joke in response to Holly. Good God, you people must be fun at parties.
What are the chances that the “arrogant flick of the hair” he’s so enraged by is the woman in question’s response to his street harassment? I say ninety-six per cent.
Another blue collar girl here (raises hand). I’m the first person in my family to go to college. My father drove a route van filling vending machines and my mother was a secretary (now retired). A major click moment for me was around the age of twelve or thirteen, when I realized that my mother worked all day just like my father did, and yet while he went into the living room to watch television the moment he got home, she came home, cooked dinner, cleaned up, and washed dishes, and usually didn’t get off her feet until 9PM. My father had passed away by the time I went to college, so it was myself and my mother who worked our asses off to put me through.
If you toss a dud, don’t blame the audience. (“Is this thing on?” tap, tap) Your joke was stupid.
He’s right about the next meal, though. I fancy soup. I’m off to follow an arbitrarily chosen bloke around town, baying for soup.
I find his use of the “clear-cut mountain” comparison ironic, given that the modern conception of “women’s natural beauty” (in the U.S. at least) involves the compulsory removal of body hair.
And as far “doctor’s daughters” remark is concerned; I consider myself a feminist, there are no doctors in my family at all, and I’m broke. And also a dude.
What are the chances that the “arrogant flick of the hair” he’s so enraged by is the woman in question’s response to his street harassment? I say ninety-six per cent.
I’m guessing it’s a woman who has no idea he exists picking some lint out of her hair or something as he watches from a safe distance, glaring.
Deep, psychotic imbalance such as the type wrought by feminism and by liberals in general will necessitate a fucking shitstorm the likes of which we’ve hardly seen.
HERE COMES THE SHITSTORM!
I think from now on I will communicate only in Mr. Show clips.
I don’t even think he was trying to really kid. I could have bought that if it was the first thing he said it only about his first post. That had the structure of a joke, albeit not a good one.
But he actually defended the idea that women were in charge of cold war, or could be in charge. That didn’t have a structure remotely approaching that of humor; that was a fact claim, on which he was wrong. And when pressed, he decides to say, what? That this fact claim is also a joke?
If he wanted to use that old ‘humorless feminist’ saw, he should have deployed it immediately, when Holly was talking about the cold war. At this point, and after hte fact claims, it’s too little, too late. You’re just stupid, Hengist, but we knew that.
Hey, Dracula? GIVE ME SOUP, DUDE.
SOOOOOUP
>give soup
YAY YAY TEXT ADVENTURE TIME
MissPrism drinks the soup and hands the bowl back to you. You notice strange runes written on the bottom of the now empty bowl.
>look at runes
But he actually defended the idea that women were in charge of cold war, or could be in charge.
Actually yes, it was a joke. Since somebody in another thread was going on about how all these male scientist dudes actually owed their success to women, or stole their ideas from women, or something, I said what if the Cold War dudes were also stealing the the ideas and work of women? That’s all, it was a silly joke until you and Amused decided to get all huffy and bust out the essays.
You’re just stupid, Hengist, but we knew that.
Coming from a self-inflated, humorless prat, that’s almost a compliment. I honestly wouldn’t want to be somebody _you_ liked.
Do these guys ever get tired of ripping apart all these strawmen? Yeah, no feminist ever fought for or was a part of the working class, or so much as put on lip gloss.
Hengist, you do realize that wanking about how no one likes your jokes makes you appear humorless, right? Someone with a good sense of humor doesn’t bitch and moan when his or her unfunny jokes don’t go over well.
Hengist; your joke just wasn’t funny full stop. The contentwas overused and the delivery was sub-par. So yea, if you’re definition of “having a sense of humor” is laughing at your bad jokes, then I guess I am humorless.
I have two friends who to this day can debate endlessly about the borg cube vs. the death star. I think that’s kind of funny, but what do i know? I’m a Humorless Feminist
The runes are in a language you can’t read, but they match the writing you saw in the Tome of Valor.
>go to library
>request tome of valor
Which is actually more or less what I need to do right now. See you guys. It’s been fun.
Thank you, Katz! I was stumped.
Oh Hengist! If there’s anything funnier than whining about how nobody got your totally hilarious joke, it’s explaining texactly what was so totally hilarious about it and then keeping on whining and whining until everybody dies.
Happy researching, Drac, and thanks for the soup!
*starts thinking about next meal*
The Tome of Valor says “You win!”
>perform victory dance
>depart
Hengist, you do realize that wanking about how no one likes your jokes makes you appear humorless, right? Someone with a good sense of humor doesn’t bitch and moan when his or her unfunny jokes don’t go over well.
Let’s see, my responses were: 1) to someone who flat-out didn’t get it, 2) someone who said I was serious, and 3) when people just refused to drop it because they make a full-time career out of arguing every little thing to death on the internet so they can feel like they “won” something.
Oh, and of course if I did let it go or just stopped answering, those same people would have busted out the “flounce” accusations.
Oh Hengist! If there’s anything funnier than whining about how nobody got your totally hilarious joke, it’s explaining texactly what was so totally hilarious about it and then keeping on whining and whining until everybody dies.
You know what’s even funnier? Not getting it, and then arguing to death about why it’s not funny. Gotta love this place.
OH HENGIST
I WANT GOOSE, HENGIST
Now that’s funny.
No, that person was extremely specific; not all men, but Babbage and Watson do owe some of their credit to women. There’s a reason I was specific as well. That you can’t read isn’t really news.
Not really an occupational hazard for a concern troll.
Alright. *gooses MissPrism*
Come on, people, show some Hengist some appreciation: at least when he’s trying to dodge, he’s employing a classic. Specifically, the classic we are all familiar with, outlined as follows: “When I said women are shit I didn’t mean women are shit, even though I totally meant it. It was a joke! Since you called me on my bullshit, that means you don’t understand humor (alternatively: can’t take a joke). So therefore you are an example of how women are shit.” That one never fails to impress.
Yeah, and he knew a feedline when he saw one.
Enough already. This is what I get for making a joke in a place full of self-important humorless nerds who treat internet arguing like a full-time job.
What’s funny is that this is supposed to be a “humorous” blog, yet most of you wouldn’t know humor if it bit you in the ass. Hint: Smugly mocking those outside your little clique isn’t it.
Here’s a joke:
What did the vampire say to the prostitute?
“See you next month!”
I actually thought Holly’s quip about the Cold War was funny on it’s own. I let out a “Ha.” But then, I’m sort of a foreign relations/poli sci nerd.
But then, I was also making my dog attack the vacuum cleaner for the better part of the morning, laughing my ass off. /humorless
Hengist: Maybe you should then try to find a place full of simpering, ignorant servile airheads, who will laugh when told to do so.
See, I actually laughed at the second joke! I think Hengist just doesn’t like it when someone is funnier than he is. Which probably means he’s unhappy most of the time, because it doesn’t seem to difficult.
A woman goes into a sperm bank and walks up to the counter labelled Donations. The receptionist says “I think you’re in the wrong place, ma’am,” and she replies “mm mmm! mm mmm m mm mm mmm!”
Ah-huh. So, according to you, humor is defined as mocking those inside your little clique? In other words, YOUR “joke” DOES qualify as humor because you are a feminist mocking feminists?
Please explain that definition to me Hengist. I really want to be able to know what humor looks like, you know, just in case it bites me in the ass, ’cause that’s assault.
Keep digging, Hengist, nothing is as funny as seeing someone put down people who don’t get their crummy jokes. Grow a sense of humor and maybe next time it won’t come off as lame polemic. Speaking of teh ironiez, from the doctor’s daughters post:
“Yet in my experience of feminists at university, not an overwhelming number of them had done likewise. Hence the ease with which they could adopt theories clearly far removed from common sense. What is needed is a common sensical approach to life. Even trying to get western women to think in this regard is a challenge, with their deep faith in the “men are bums, wimmin princesses” mantra. Not to mention their naturally-occurring hysterical tendencies.”
I lol’d.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”
Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”
The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”
The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”
“This is what I get for making a joke in a place full of self-important humorless nerds who treat internet arguing like a full-time job.”
Hengist, tell me you see the irony in this.
Hengist, is there any famous stand-up comedian whom you believe would know humor if it bit him or her in the ass? If so, I suggest you go watch what he or she does when a joke bombs. I’ll bet you pretty much anything that it is not “berate the audience about how they don’t understand humor.” It is, in fact, almost certain to be either “move on without comment” or, not infrequently, “make fun of themselves for telling a mediocre joke.”
(Also, protip: trying to insult people in the argument you’re having on the internet by scoffing at how they like to argue on the internet never, ever works as an insult. Seriously. It just makes you look really silly.)
Me and my girlfriend both laughed, Blitzgal XD
My other fave that I heard recently (Cheeseheads unite!):
A Wall Street CEO, a Union worker and a Tea Partier are sitting at a table. In the middle of the table is a plate with a dozen cookies. The Wall Street CEO takes 11 of them and then leans over to the Tea Partier and whispers, “Watch out, the union guy is trying to steal your cookie!”
Still going? I’d say you people need to have the last word, but it’s more like the last five hundred.
(BTW, color me ten shades of surprised that anything mildly funny coming from one of “the gang” is immediately acknowledged by the rest of the gang as the height of hilarity.)
“Oh, and of course if I did let it go or just stopped answering, those same people would have busted out the “flounce” accusations.”
Naw, son, you gotta announce the flounce before you fail to stick it.
I also liked Holly’s joke of “Your body is a wonderland–specifically Mordor”.
If so, I suggest you go watch what he or she does when a joke bombs. I’ll bet you pretty much anything that it is not “berate the audience about how they don’t understand humor.”
Then it’s a good thing I didn’t do that. I would be interested, though, to see what these comics do when the audience claim he’s being serious and start long arguments in response to the joke.
Gee, I don’t know, embarrass themselves?
Also, Hengist, I really do what to know — are you claiming your humor is the “real” humor because you are making fun of people inside your clique?
“I also liked Holly’s joke of “Your body is a wonderland–specifically Mordor”.
Yeah, and I’ve been told I have the body a god – specifically Buddha :p
Hey I know, I’ll prove I DON’T need to have the last word by continuing to post shit after I’ve declared myself above this kind of thing!
/Hengist
^ That should be “_of_ a god.” Dammit.
correction: want
Hey I know, I’ll prove I DON’T need to have the last word by continuing to post shit after I’ve declared myself above this kind of thing!
Nice try. Pushta!