Last night, 540-or-so comments into the Atheist Elevator thread, Ion took a moment to school us all in the cold, hard realities of love in our time. Offering his own formerly flailing but now highly successful sexual career as evidence of this theories, he explained why it’s better to be called creepy than courteous. And apparently, acting like a five-year old will score you heaps of hot poon. Who knew?
As much as I learned from Ion’s autobiographic account, I feel as though there is much more wisdom to be gained from reading the stories of other commenters here. So, using Ion’s tale as a template, I would like to offer the first in what I hope will be a long and successful series of Man Boobz Mad Libs. Simply fill in the blanks in the text below to tell your own tale of heartbreak and triumph, and post your results in the comments below. We will all be the wiser for it.
You know what’s funny? You try to come off as [ ] and [ ], but in fact, I actually used to think like you when I was younger and [ ]. I bought into all the “men are [ ], men are natural [ ]” crap spouted by feminist [ ] and their neutered mangina [ ]. I was concerned about not coming off as [ ] or creepy. I was courteous and [ ] and [ ], I respected women, but I forgot to respect [ ]. And while the [ ] boys, playa gangstas, and abusive [ ]bags were [ ]ing around town with an “I take what I want” attitude and a new [ ] on their [ ] every week, I was hearing “Wow, you’re a great [ ], but I like you as a [ ]. Well, see you later, gotta go have [ ] with the [ ] boyfriend I’ve been complaining to [ ] about!”
So you’re right about the [ ]-puffing part, but not so much about the being [ ]. I’m less [ ] now than I ever was. I put myself [ ]. I don’t apologize for being a [ ]. It took me a while to [ ] up, but I did. And let me tell you, things are better than [ ]. I got my first [ ] after acting ‘inappropriate’ and going for a [ ] the night we first met. A day later, she was the one would wouldn’t [ ] me [ ]. So much for “[ ] give in because of [ ] pressures”, I guess. Second [ ], in college, I [ ] like a five-year old [ ]. Totally out of character, even I was ashamed of my [ ]. Afterwards, she was [ ] me to hang out. Sometime later, I met [ ] I really [ ]. Like an [ ], I decided to play it cool, be [ ], be [ ], take [ ] slowly. Guess what? Zero interest. Learned my lesson then and haven’t [ ] back. As for “friends who will [ ] me”… I don’t know what the [ ] are like where you live, but the [ ] I know just don’t fit your [ ] [ ]. Also, currently half my friends are [ ]. Weird, huh. But uh, keep telling yourself you’re so much better for being a neutered [ ]. I’ll be busy having [ ] in the [ ] world meanwhile.
Oooh, a MadLib! I know what I must do…
You know what’s funny? You try to come off as penis and penis, but in fact, I actually used to think like you when I was younger and penis. I bought into all the “men are penis, men are natural penis” crap spouted by feminist penis and their neutered mangina penis.
Also, if he really is an ex-feminist (yeah, and I’m Santa Claus…), he was Doin’ It Rong if he thought this was about hating himself as a man or never being politely sexually assertive.
I haven’t waded through the other thread or read Ion’s comment in its original form – but it ain’t hard to fill in those blanks considering the usual tone of his screeds.
You know, though, I think this highlights an actual problem. He sees “going for a kiss the first night we met” as “acting inappropriate.” Doesn’t that tell you something interesting about the way sex-negativity fucks with men and drives them into the hands of misogynists? It kind of breaks my heart a little to hear all this.
For the record, Ion: It is not inherently inappropriate to express sexual desire. It is only inappropriate to callously ignore people’s personal boundaries. I suspect women were more interested in you after you started kissing them because, well, guess what? Most of us like sex too.
You know what’s funny? You try to come off as [Spic] and [Span], but in fact, I actually used to think like you when I was younger and [Downy]. I bought into all the “men are [Skippy], men are natural [Cheese Nips]” crap spouted by feminist [Wheat Thins] and their neutered mangina [Triscuits]. I was concerned about not coming off as [Fresca] or creepy. I was courteous and [Spray] and [Wipe], I respected women, but I forgot to respect [Ajax]. And while the [Joy] boys, playa gangstas, and abusive [Hefty]bags were [Cheer]ing around town with an “I take what I want” attitude and a new [Tide] on their [Coast] every week, I was hearing “Wow, you’re a great [Fig Newton], but I like you as a [Miracle Whip]. Well, see you later, gotta go have [Mallomars] with the [Ritz] boyfriend I’ve been complaining to [Halls] about!”
Ion, if you’re here, what exactly is “asshole behavior” that works? I mean, what is too much, and how did you approach?
Okay, now the Achingly Sincere run!
“I’m less [assholish] now than I ever was. I put myself [neither above nor below others]. I don’t apologize for being a [decent human being]. It took me a while to [decent myself] up, but I did. And let me tell you, things are better than [when I was an asshole]. I got my first [equal partner] after acting ‘inappropriate’ and going for a [demonstration of enthusiastic consent] the night we first met. A day later, she was the one would wouldn’t [fear] me [for violating her boundaries].”
yeah, that deserved front-page mockery, David.
Yeah, I actually wrote down random words first then picked out a random section to fill out. Great idea, David! That was totally [ostrich].
Yeouch. Sounds like I hit a nerve with this one, if you’re putting this much effort into mocking me. Truth hurts, doesn’t it? Hey, don’t just take my word for it. Here’s what a feminist has to say:
Keep living in your fantasy world, humping a feminist’s leg and squealing with rage at the real males who pass by. It’s 9 PM and I’ve actually got plans tonight.
I was wondering about that.. xD When would MRAL ask Ion for tips? tho that might be a convo better had on MRAL’s blog xD I’m actually surprised MRAL, that you haven’t gone to the PUA comm earlier for help o_O
I listen to everything “a feminist” says. “A feminist” is one of my favorite writers and personal idols. I hope someday I can meet “a feminist” in person and shake her hand.
You know what’s funny? You try to come off as *bright* and *smooth*, but in fact, I actually used to think like you when I was younger and *silly*. I bought into all the “men are *spicy*, men are natural *campers*” crap spouted by feminist *silly cows* and their neutered mangina *sisters*. I was concerned about not coming off as *round* or creepy. I was courteous and *spicy* and *smooth*, I respected women, but I forgot to respect *fingers*. And while the *lumpy* boys, playa gangstas, and abusive *cowbags* were *picnicing* around town with an “I take what I want” attitude and a new *friend* on their *levels* every week, I was hearing “Wow, you’re a great *cousin*, but I like you as a *friend*. Well, see you later, gotta go have *germination* with the *silly* boyfriend I’ve been complaining to *Orz puppies* about!”
o_O I kinda expected that… Ion does this a lot w/ the “if you’re mocking me b/c I’m mocking you b/c you were mocking me, it must mean I touched a nerve even tho I was ttlly not responding to you before b/c you ttlly didn’t touch a nerve w/ me” xD
my nerves are touched btw… ASSAULT! *charges Ion and David w/ rape* >:O
Sounds like I hit a nerve with this one,
yup; the ulnar nerve.
It’s 9 PM and I’ve actually got plans tonight.
I guess auto-erotic asphyxiation counts as plans.
Aren’t mad libs supposed to be that we give you a bunch of nouns and verbs and etc… and then you reveal to us the big quote you substituted? o_O (btw, despite Ion’s usual “I’m so not offended by this, I win!” thing… I didn’t think this was such a big deal to pick on… and personally not my thing… it’s the usual “take that losers, I have my great wonderful life” thing.. but it’s kinda wordy and presumably important as a personal exp to him and now it’s a madlib : ) xD
Seriously, this could keep me entertained for a while. I love being easily amused.
*sigh* Here we go again…
Ion, you seem to think feminist beliefs are tied to someone’s muscles mass/sexual experience. I’ve met male, feminist ex-MARINES. One of my partners is a kinky ex-Army guy with nice arm muscles… *who also treats his female partners decently*. I’ve also met kinky chubby male feminists and kinky girly male feminists and kinky average-bodied men who are feminists.
It’s not like you become a feminist and it means you wake up the next morning with a scraggly beard and glasses and no libido or imagination.
Tho I’m tempted right now to just substituted “ami” and “cats” like I do w/ every mad lib xD
@zombie
“I guess auto-erotic asphyxiation counts as plans.”
Hey! That shit can be fun! (Just do it with a partner so you don’t pull a David Carradine… >>)
Now that Ion’s getting the attention he craves, he can bloom into the beautiful flower he knows he is inside. Huzzah!
Hey! That shit can be fun!
hence the “auto-” part.
I’ve been wondering if Ion could just pick us all up? o_O So far his acting like a jerk here (maybe that explains the passive aggressive snipes) has not succeeded in getting any women here to even like him much less fall in love w/ him xD But maybe IRL, he’d be exceedingly alpha and we’d all fall for him XD
Also I always wonder when these PUA types (and why do ppl always act like feminism is some conspiracy to stop men from getting rampant sex?) show up to tell US how we are as women… do they think we’re LYING? or naive? Like I wonder the same for NWO too… am I consciously part of the gay/feminist agenda and I’m lying to him about what we do… or am I just naive about what I’m doing? o_O Are we just not realizing that all the men we like have negged and PUAed and Kinoed us to hell and that’s why we like them? or are we just lying when we say that we like guys who aren’t assholes or what? o_O I think we should have a PUA challenge where PUAs come here to work their magic on us… I dunno why the anti-feminist PUAs don’t just organize themselves and go out specifically to seduce and turn feminists all over the place.. like if you had a good plan, you could hit Shakesville, Feminist, Feministing, Jezebel, etc all in one go… the feminists won’t know what hit them! And within 2 weeks, they’d all have abandoned their philosophies and everything, have gotten boob jobs and be fawning over their new asshole boyfriends right? XD
Or like.. w/ Skepchick… rather than show up to random sites to get into flame wars… why not send a PUAssassin after her? Seduce her.. post the video of her being picked up and her sucking him off on the internet.. BAM.. credibility destroyed… after they neg her a ton and ignore her until she gets Roissy tatttooed on her back, they could then make her do a video where she tells women TO accept all men who hit on them in elevators at 4am!
XD
I mean, maybe *I* should be running this movement… cuz I think this would be a way more effective way of taking down feminism and uppity feminists who get on their nerves!
he can bloom into the beautiful flower he knows he is inside. Huzzah!
dunno, sounds pretty femmy.
Or like.. w/ Skepchick… rather than show up to random sites to get into flame wars… why not send a PUAssassin after her?
Well, I think that’s what they DID. The kerfuffle is because their well-crafted Plans of Genius were FOILED by craftsy wimminz magik.