The Life Zone: If Saw and Human Centipede had a baby
The glow of pregnancy
Three young women wake up, confused and terrified, in a room that looks like a cross between a normal hospital room and the creepy underground lair of some mad scientist from a horror movie. A video screen flickers on and a creepy older man, looking a bit like Academy-award-nominee Robert Loggia, appears on it, telling the women that he’s their “jailer.” The women, you see, had all been getting abortions when their jailer’s shadowy accomplices kidnapped them and brought them to this strange prison, where they will be forced to live for the next seven months until they gave birth. “You were all on the operating table, all ready to commit murder,” announces a mysterious doctor. “Your babies will be given life just as God planned.”
This is the premise of a new horror film called The Life Zone, which recently had its world premiere at the prestigious, er, Hoboken International Film Festival, a festival that was, perhaps not coincidentally, founded and chaired by the film’s writer and producer, Kenneth del Vecchio. In case you think I’m making all this up, here’s the film’s trailer, which makes The Life Zone look a bit like an equal-parts mixture of Saw, Human Centipede, and The Handmaid’s Tale, with Robert Loggia in the role of Jigsaw/Dr. Heiter/The Commander:
Now, if you thought that something seemed really … off about that trailer, well, you’re not alone. For the film is not, as you might have assumed from my description, a warning against the fanatical misogyny of many in the anti-abortion movement.
No, the film – produced by a pro-life former judge, crime thriller author, and Republican New Jersey state senate candidate – is meant as pro-life propaganda. As the offical press release for the film’s premiere put it:
The film, which appears to cut right down the middle [of the abortion debate], examining the topic from both sides, offers a powerful, anti-abortion climactic twist. Del Vecchio and the cast invite pro-lifers to come to this historic event.
During the months the three women are held in captivity, you see, they are exposed to a barrage of films and books intended to, er, educate them about abortion –what their attending obstetrician Dr. Wise describes as “an abortion think tank.” Two of the captive women do indeed convert to the pro-life side; apparently we in the audience are supposed to develop Stockholm Syndrome along with them. The third, as we see in the trailer, tries to induce a miscarriage, which doesn’t go quite as planned.
And this sets us up for the final twist, which I’m just going to go ahead and reveal: once all three women have given birth, Dr. Wise tells them she’s going to sew them all, mouth-to-vagina, into a Human Abortion-pede!
Actually no: the twist is that the “life zone” the three women in has actually been … purgatory! All three “captives,” you see, had died on the operating table while getting their abortions. (Apparently they went to the world’s worst abortion clinic, as first-trimester abortions don’t involve anything more surgically invasive than the insertion of a suction tube; the risk of death from a legal surgical abortion is 0.0006%, one in 160,000 cases, making the procedure many times safer than childbirth itself.) Their time in the “life zone” was a test: the two women who changed their minds were whisked up to heaven, while their miscarriage-attempting, stubbornly pro-choice companion is sent straight to H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. Dr. Wise, despite being on the right side of the abortion question, also goes to hell for committing suicide. And, oh yeah, their jailer – Loggia – was Satan. Why Satan and a hell-bound doctor were the ones trying to convert the abortion ladies to the pro-life side I can’t tell you; del Vecchio’s theology is evidently more sophisticated than I am.
The real twist here? As Jersey Journal writer Alan Robb notes:
The Life Zone went viral across the internet [last] Friday after blogs The Frisky and Talking Points Memo picked up on the film’s trailer. … But despite garnering more than 20,000 hits on YouTube in the last four days, only fifty people – including the film’s cast and producers – attended this weekend’s screening, and even those who starred in the movie didn’t know how to interpret its twist ending.
It’s impossible to tell from the trailer if the film is bad in a so-bad-it’s-good way, or if it’s just plain awful. I will try to get hold of it when it hits video, and will report back with my results.
In the meantime, if you’re looking for a good horror film set in a creepy hospital, try renting Infection, a Japanese film from 2005. Or, if you’ve got a longer attention span, try Lars Von Trier’s supernatural soap opera The Kingdom, a darkly comic miniseries which takes place in what one might call, paraphrasing Bill Murray’s character in Tootsie, “one nutty hospital.” Both are conveniently available on Netflix instant watch, so you don’t even have to leave your pregnancy dungeon to see them.
EDITED: Added some info on the minimal dangers of abortion procedures.
Posted on June 8, 2011, in creepy, evil women, misogyny, patriarchy, reactionary bullshit, vaginas. Bookmark the permalink. 1,066 Comments.
(which is why I call him that)
I thought you were making some bizarre “House” reference.
Yeah, like I said, it’s just just a social thing. I’m not sure if I’m physically capable of having sex.
Leff-tennant, you try living your life as a sexual being whose stupid brain interprets being touched on the shoulder as a physical attack.
On the other hand, being 5’11, it’s really easy to find clothes in my size at second hand stores. I own so many awesome suits. So, maybe it’s a decent trade-off after all.
“Quills really is terrible isn’t it? I wanted to like it so badly – Geoffrey Rush, Kate Winslet. Joaquin Phoenix before he lost it. But it’s awful. If you’re interested, you’d be better off reading any of the dozens (at least) biographies about de Sade and throwing in Justine for context.”
Yes! I was really disappointed. The heavy-handed symbolism was the worst part: Caine represents Order so he’s always fully clothed, Phoenix is The Middle Ground so he takes his shirt off (not that I’m complaining) and Rush is Nature so he’s completely naked. it was so . . . subtle.
The Room sounds pretty bad. Is it one of those movies where it’s not entertaining so it must be deep?
No, my literal eyeball is actually smaller than the good one (a condition called microphthalmia). Believe you me, if I could fix this problem with eyelid cosmetic surgery, I would have done it years ago).
What about when you’re wearing heels, MRAL?
“I would trade places with anyone on this blog in a second.”
Did you completely miss the part about my weird genetic blood disorder? Because you can have it, and the constant poking and prodding, and the vomiting all over CAT scan machines, the horrendous medical expenses and the $5000 deductible. Please shut the fuck up now. You need therapy.
MRAL, people aren’t calling you 5’8″ to belittle (hur) you. They’re doing that because no one perceives such a slight difference.
Seriously, if being one inch shy of average height is the worst thing that ever happened to you… I’m starting to think your real problem is latching on to sources of blame as “oh no, I can’t succeed at life, this big horrible thing is holding me back,” no matter how absurd.
I wouldn’t say that I’ve got no one but myself to blame for my life–I do live in a society that’s unjust in many ways–but I just don’t obsess over it and I don’t let it block out the possibilities of what I can do with my life.
Hippodameia: I… I liked “Quills”. I’ve seen it more than once… > >
How does it stack up against Manos?
Or Zardoz? Barbarella? Ice Pirates? Star Crash?
Truly there is much suckitude in the world.
hey now, no badmouthing Zardoz.
MRAL, make up your mind. Either your eye is a significant enough deformity that you should wear a badass-looking eyepatch, or it isn’t really a problem and you should STFU. Later, if 3D ever becomes truly widespread, you may have a legitimate complaint even with the eyepatch, but till then, your eye isn’t all the debilitating.
Wow, am I a baby on this thread? I’m turning 22 later this year.. Bah.
“I have a really hard time with people above, say, 6’2. But am I a heightist? No”
Right there? That’s hightism, if anything is. You are saying that someone’s height severely effects what you think of them. I’m 6’8″, so perhaps this explains a lot.
Seriously, you’re like a 4-year-old whining about bumping his head against the wall compared to the severed limbs and gunshot wounds of others in this thread. You display extreme anger issues, horrible insecurity about being lazy, and OCD with exactly how tall you are at what time of day. Get over yourself, or talk to a therapist. Either way, I’m done constantly trying to convince you that your problems really aren’t all that bad.
To someone above, I am 5’8.5 in stocking feet, not shoes. In shoes I’m about, I dunno, 5’9.5. I have been looking into elevator shoes, actually. I don’t want anyone to know I’m getting them, though, because that’s humiliating. That’s why I don’t want to order online, the mail people will handle it and it’s possible parents/whoever could see. Does anyone know of any elevator shoe stores that aren’t online?
I’m 6’8″
Bang your head on door frames a lot?
I did think about the House character when I decided on his nickname. He told me I was weird. :)
The Room is a movie that has no consistency, bad acting, bad lighting, fairly horrific love scenes and basically too many spoons.
I leave you guys for a couple hours to, you know, have dinner and write a post for tomorrow, and somehow we’re back again talking about MRAL’s fucking EYE!!!11????
I will say it again, MRAL: David Bowie. The pupil on one of his eyes is paralyzed and the two eyes are completely different colors. He’s chosen to just GO WITH IT. Some people think it makes him look cool — well, cool[er].
And if you want to look taller, go with some giant glam rock boots. That worked pretty well for David Bowie too.
or talk to a therapist. Either way, I’m done constantly trying to convince you that your problems really aren’t all that bad.
yeah, me too. I said all the same things upthread AND IT WAS JUST IGNORED.
So now it’s back to the mockery.
Kim Jong Il has elevator shoes.
Do you people think it’s all right just to give your morning height when people ask?
Nobody cares. Normally nobody asks (they probably ask you after noticing that all your conversations obsessively revolves around height). Many people don’t even know there’s a difference. You are probably the only person over 12 who doesn’t round their height to the nearest inch.
Because I am a nice, egalitarian person.
Nope. You’re a bigoted douchebag.
I can’t do an eyepatch. I just can’t.
Just get the emo haircut already. You’re already a skinny white rich kid and God knows you’re whiny enough.
“Hippodameia: I… I liked “Quills”. I’ve seen it more than once… > >”
That’s cool! It has some great actors in it. :-) I will say that I love the scene where the inmates take over the asylum. There’s one woman on the stairs dancing around in nothing but a hat, and she’s beautifully un-selfconscious.
Speaking of bad movies: E.T. The Porno.
Safe for work. Er, unless there’s a problem with copious swearing at your work.
really? They expand to make him reach another floor in a building? Wacky!
Fetish boots and an eyepatch.
That will get you laid right there.
I DO think Bowieshoes (well, less obvious, but similar) would be quite awesome. Still leaves the eye, but one less rape by the Powers is one less rape by the Powers. How much can you get, I wonder… even 2 inches would be GREAT.
“The Room sounds pretty bad. Is it one of those movies where it’s not entertaining so it must be deep?”
If only. The room is neither deep nor entertaining. That’s not entirely fair; like MRAL it is imminently mockable. I hesitate to provide a link because I swore years ago that I would do anything within my power to keep people from watching it. It was a blood oath.
“I would trade places with anyone on this blog in a second. If any of you were in my place, I honestly think you’d committ suicide. That’s how strong I am.”
You have no idea what nebody here has gone thru. :| So don’t presume. Secondly, please do not throw suicide around like that. If you ARE suicidal, I strongly suggest you get help, or talk to somebody, or call a helpline (they’re free! :3 ) :\ But there are ppl here who actually HAVE attempted suicide, or who might have lost ppl to it, and to start talking about it so flippantly and that it’s about “strength” or “weakness”… suicide is a complicated and tragic and personal issue. :\
And again… if you’re suicidal.. or if you regularly or even occasionally seriously contemplate suicide… you should DEFINITELY talk to somebody and get help :(
. You are probably the only person over 12 who doesn’t round their height to the nearest inch.
he probably says he is 20 years and 8 months old, too.
Ah, wait… I’m actually 6’7.75, so I can’t sell myself short (tall) by rounding, can I?
@Zombie
Yeah, sorry about that? I guess? I dunno, something’s clicked for me today, probably because I missed out on the gropey thread. This guy needs something, and it ain’t more whining to people who actually have serious issues and don’t try to act the victim all the time.
Eye (also, I may add, reached an adult age JUST as 3-D was becoming popular, soon everything will be in 3-D and I’ll hardly be able to function normally. It’s already bad, give it 10 years. Another way for the asshfuck Powers That Be to laugh at me).
Yeah, I can’t see 3-D either. It kind of sucks, and the only 3-D movie I’ve ever been able to see without getting a headache was Beowulf. But I’m not bitter about it, nor do I claim I was fucked at birth by God. It is what it is, and all I can do is hope that 3-D is a fad which fades. I have a friend who has the same problem as me only worse, and his eyes were certainly not an impediment to a very pleasant nekkidtimes evening we spent together.
And feminism wasn’t created so women could get alpha dates, it really wasn’t. Sultans in the days of yore and ancient Hebrew kings had actual, real, honest to goodness harems – neither culture known for being particularly forward-thinking when it comes to women.
Just the other day, while bitch-slapping NWO with facts, I came to the (factually supported) conclusion that something like approximately 82% of the U.S. population will die while married, even if it takes some of them three tries to get it right. To say nothing of those who are cohabiting or living in poly nests or on communes or can’t legally marry or whatnot (I’d estimate that gay marriage being legal would up the rate to about 84%, though I’d only be wildly guessing on cohabiting). Somehow, I suspect it’s damn near impossible to cook those stats to support your theory on ‘alpha dick’.
1. not rich
2. not skinny, I’m working on getting jacked, actually.
Does anyone know of any elevator shoe stores that aren’t online?
And don’t have people in them?
Seriously, you can’t handle the thought of mail carriers who know neither who you are nor what is in the package handling your mail? Paranoia!
MRAL, if you aren’t joking about the height thing, you probably should talk to a therapist. I don’t mean that as a “ha ha, you so crazy” insult, I mean it as an actual suggestion, because it seems like you’re having some thoughts that aren’t realistic and are making you miserably self-hating and self-conscious. If you’re in college, you probably have access to a counseling service that’s free or very cheap. Make use of them.
no, kirby, I just said that because standard door heights are 80 inches….
I’m actually 20 and a little over a month, just fyi.
Fun fact: I started posting here on my 20th birthday.
MRAL wants to be Anthony Weiner-hopefully without the bird face though.
What’s a beta or omega family btw? o_O;; Or does he just mean his last name is Alpha?
@Kirbywarp I know… ppl offer him suggestions, help… and he seems uninterested… >_> He asks for help and rejects every advice out of hand -_-;;;
He is however great for stuff like “my family is more alpha than most” xD
I have to admit I still can’t get over that….
And now I’m thinking about Power Rangers xD
Hippodameia: Yeah! I’ll never say it’s the most amazing movie ever, but there *are* a lot of amazing things in it that you don’t usually see in made-for-theater movies.
I also treat it like it really is a porno and fast-forward through the worst bits. :P
Au contraire, it’s an allegorical exploration of the book of Genesis.
I really need to get around to writing that essay on the subject.
Sammy Davis, Jr. was short, with a glass eye. In fact, he wore sequined eye-patches before getting his glass eye. And he was awesome and got lots of chicks.
Of course he was also absurdly talented and having faced significant discrimination and hardship, not prone to self pity. And he didn’t self medicate by boring the fuck out of strangers by talking incessantly about his imaginary problems. Instead he became addicted to alcohol and cocaine. Like normal people.
@Zombie,
Heh, I didn’t see that actually. I was responding to your earlier bit about saying the same thing, and getting ignored. I seem to be typing too slow today.
Shit, MRAL, I wasn’t getting laid at 20 either. (Lost it at 15, but after we broke up at 16 it was a dry spell clear through to 21.) It may not feel like it now, but 20 is really, really, really early in your life.
Oh, gods, now I’m having flashbacks of the time my then-boyfriend made me watch Manos about five times in a single month.
And people wonder why I drink.
MRAL wants to be Anthony Weiner-hopefully without the bird face though.
Do not tarnish the gentleman’s good name with such a comparison!
Suggestions? People have suggested an eyepatch, which is not realistic. People have suggested elevator shoes (a really good idea, and I will buy some, I think). Other than that, I get insults.
Yes, what Holly says (since you always seem to hate listening to me xD which is understandable since I am the rodeo cat xD )
But yes… like what I said ebfore, and what Holly is saying now,.. this ISN’T a “you’re crazy, get help” thing… it’s that having somebody to talk to and get out all of this frustration and anger you feel and everything else, could rly help you, and help your self confidence :)
*waves sign*
HOLLY 3:16
LISTEN TO HER :3
“I hesitate to provide a link because I swore years ago that I would do anything within my power to keep people from watching it. It was a blood oath.”
Don’t worry! I looked it up at IMDB and that was enough.
“I dunno, something’s clicked for me today, probably because I missed out on the gropey thread. This guy needs something, and it ain’t more whining to people who actually have serious issues and don’t try to act the victim all the time.”
A thousand times yes.
“I leave you guys for a couple hours to, you know, have dinner and write a post for tomorrow, and somehow we’re back again talking about MRAL’s fucking EYE!!!11????”
Well, it’s the Most Fascinating Subject in the Universe – at least until we get to his height.
Fetish boots and an eyepatch
Hell yeah!
Of course, he’d also have to lose the exceptional bitterness. That’s a major turn off.
Thanks, but no, MRAL. Already tried suicide once last year. I’d been sexually assaulted.
I don’t think your life is worse than mine. And I officially do not give the slightest of fucks about your perceived “rape.”
True-Weiner has to face Secretary Clinton…he is going to be punished enough.
Spearhafoc, that is the hardest I’ve laughed today. Seriously. And I laugh all the time.
MRAL I suggested stuff that’s NOT either eyepatch or elevator shoes… xD I suggest you scroll up and read it again xD you want help, ppl offer help, you seem to tune it ALL out, except for the suggestions that bother you, then claim that nobody says nething but the ones you find absurd >_>
rinse and repeat
and honestly MRAL… I want you to answer this question…
are you sincere in being here and asking ppl for help? Are you sincere in wanting help? :3 Is this something you rly want? :]
I should mention, I genuinely love The Room. I’ve seen it in the theatre more times than I can count. I wear a tux.
Last time I went was a special Q&A screening. I chatted with Greg Sestero and caught a football from Tommy Wiseau. It was awesome.
I’d wear an eyepatch if I had one. Then again, I did go to class in a double-breast waistcoat today, so maybe I’m weird. Scratch that, I am definitely weird.
MRAL, I was (unusually for me) completely serious. Drums, man. Chicks love drummers. Especially freaky chicks.
Looks are the least of it, really. I know people who are every kind of ugly–and I’m not talking short ugly, I’m talking fat hairy bastards with warts and some of them with missing digits or limbs–who get laid. It really is about personality, luck, persistence, and getting good with people. Being good at people is a very difficult and underrated skill.
…and you can’t do it while hating all of them.
That kind of hatred isn’t just wrong, it’s painful and it keeps you from being happy.
I mean a metaphorical rape, not a literal rape. I don’t intend offense, but I feel almost violated.
“Other than that, I get insults.”
That’s because you hand them out. Frequently. Funny how that works.
Also I lost my virginity at 22. Because that’s when I wanted to.
@MRAL,
All right, I understand not wanting a patch then, but shades would be a good idea. Though I also agree with the therapy suggestions. As for your particular hang-up on your height, if you don’t like 5’8, round it to 5’9 then.
On topic, I think the worst movie I ever saw Antibody. House of a Thousand Corpses was pretty awful too, but in a different way; I guess that would be the movie that introduced me to torture porn. Antibody was just…bad in every way.
“Suggestions? People have suggested an eyepatch, which is not realistic. People have suggested elevator shoes (a really good idea, and I will buy some, I think). Other than that, I get insults.”
You forgot about THERAPY.
If he’s not reading up… let’s start again…
MRAL, what school do you go to? (this is so that ppl here might know what resources are there to help you, and also maybe what might be int he area or what other options you might have :] )
Actually, you know what – go for it, dude. Get an eyepatch or glass eye and elevator shoes. Get the absolute perfect body.
And you still won’t get laid.
Because you’re an asshole.
I haven’t asked for help here… just a few suggestions. It’s interesting, much as I dislike some of you feminists, this is one of the few places I can ask in anonymity, and since our misandric and heightist society will laugh at me… well, I have to ask here. It’s weird. But help? I don’t think anyone can “help”. I’ve been fucked by God, can’t change that.
“I don’t intend offense, but I feel almost violated.”
If you don’t intend offense, then listen when a survivor of sexual assault tells you that your use of the word is offensive and misplaced. You know what makes me feel violated? Having my experiences devalued and ignored.
What’s funny is, I do know a guy in my community who’s got a huge chip on his shoulder about “nobody likes me because I’m ugly.” And it’s true. He’s fuck-ugly. And nobody does like him.
But you know what? He’s not any uglier than lots of the people we do like. The difference is that those people will come up to us and talk as if they were great-looking, and that kind of confidence, that refusal to excuse or even mention their looks, is catching.
The real reason no one likes this guy is that he spends all his time talking about how nobody likes him and he deserves to be liked. He doesn’t give us a chance to be fond of him or be entertained by him, he just expects to get friends because it’s not fair that he doesn’t.
Don’t be that guy.
” It’s interesting, much as I dislike some of you feminists, this is one of the few places I can ask in anonymity, and since our misandric and heightist society will laugh at me…”
Sigh. Have you thought that maybe, just maybe, it’s because we’re feminists, and that your impression of feminism is wrong? Has that occurred to you at all?
I’ve been fucked by God
And yet you keep telling us you’re a virgin. Make up your mind.
Since I’m tired of repeating myself, I will repost xD
Ami Angelwings | June 8, 2011 at 10:19 pm
@MRAL you should take my advice and wear shades :] Shades are COOL! The Jays had a pitcher named Gustavo Chacin who wore shades even at night and even in the clubhouse… I thought he was the coolest guy ever xD And Bob McCown wears shades indoors. :3
Honestly tho… even if you don’t think there’s nething wrong with you, if just to let out all that anger you have inside, and how you feel the world treats you and ALL the frustrations you have, with your family, not being able to get an internship, or ppl judging you for your height… I think a good counsellor or a therapist could rly help, and if you’re in school, most colleges offer student counselling services It would be better than coming here and venting or expressing all your insecurities b/c a) nobody will mock you b) *I* won’t be there to mock you xD c) it’d be confidential d) they won’t be biased or be fighting you ideologically e) they’re actually trained to listen and help :]
What university/college do you go to?
MRAL: I seriously suggested a haircut. Virtually no effort and no cost. And I know you read that post because you wanked about it.
But you aren’t looking for help; you’re looking for a place to complain. And when you treat our blog that way, you shouldn’t be surprised when you get insults back.
@sarahejones you just beat me to it
I apologize to everyone in the world in advance… This is a series of scenes from a recent South Park episode, where Cartman (a whiny little dipshit) complains about not getting an iPad. Perhaps you’ll see the resemblance?