The Life Zone: If Saw and Human Centipede had a baby
The glow of pregnancy
Three young women wake up, confused and terrified, in a room that looks like a cross between a normal hospital room and the creepy underground lair of some mad scientist from a horror movie. A video screen flickers on and a creepy older man, looking a bit like Academy-award-nominee Robert Loggia, appears on it, telling the women that he’s their “jailer.” The women, you see, had all been getting abortions when their jailer’s shadowy accomplices kidnapped them and brought them to this strange prison, where they will be forced to live for the next seven months until they gave birth. “You were all on the operating table, all ready to commit murder,” announces a mysterious doctor. “Your babies will be given life just as God planned.”
This is the premise of a new horror film called The Life Zone, which recently had its world premiere at the prestigious, er, Hoboken International Film Festival, a festival that was, perhaps not coincidentally, founded and chaired by the film’s writer and producer, Kenneth del Vecchio. In case you think I’m making all this up, here’s the film’s trailer, which makes The Life Zone look a bit like an equal-parts mixture of Saw, Human Centipede, and The Handmaid’s Tale, with Robert Loggia in the role of Jigsaw/Dr. Heiter/The Commander:
Now, if you thought that something seemed really … off about that trailer, well, you’re not alone. For the film is not, as you might have assumed from my description, a warning against the fanatical misogyny of many in the anti-abortion movement.
No, the film – produced by a pro-life former judge, crime thriller author, and Republican New Jersey state senate candidate – is meant as pro-life propaganda. As the offical press release for the film’s premiere put it:
The film, which appears to cut right down the middle [of the abortion debate], examining the topic from both sides, offers a powerful, anti-abortion climactic twist. Del Vecchio and the cast invite pro-lifers to come to this historic event.
During the months the three women are held in captivity, you see, they are exposed to a barrage of films and books intended to, er, educate them about abortion –what their attending obstetrician Dr. Wise describes as “an abortion think tank.” Two of the captive women do indeed convert to the pro-life side; apparently we in the audience are supposed to develop Stockholm Syndrome along with them. The third, as we see in the trailer, tries to induce a miscarriage, which doesn’t go quite as planned.
And this sets us up for the final twist, which I’m just going to go ahead and reveal: once all three women have given birth, Dr. Wise tells them she’s going to sew them all, mouth-to-vagina, into a Human Abortion-pede!
Actually no: the twist is that the “life zone” the three women in has actually been … purgatory! All three “captives,” you see, had died on the operating table while getting their abortions. (Apparently they went to the world’s worst abortion clinic, as first-trimester abortions don’t involve anything more surgically invasive than the insertion of a suction tube; the risk of death from a legal surgical abortion is 0.0006%, one in 160,000 cases, making the procedure many times safer than childbirth itself.) Their time in the “life zone” was a test: the two women who changed their minds were whisked up to heaven, while their miscarriage-attempting, stubbornly pro-choice companion is sent straight to H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. Dr. Wise, despite being on the right side of the abortion question, also goes to hell for committing suicide. And, oh yeah, their jailer – Loggia – was Satan. Why Satan and a hell-bound doctor were the ones trying to convert the abortion ladies to the pro-life side I can’t tell you; del Vecchio’s theology is evidently more sophisticated than I am.
The real twist here? As Jersey Journal writer Alan Robb notes:
The Life Zone went viral across the internet [last] Friday after blogs The Frisky and Talking Points Memo picked up on the film’s trailer. … But despite garnering more than 20,000 hits on YouTube in the last four days, only fifty people – including the film’s cast and producers – attended this weekend’s screening, and even those who starred in the movie didn’t know how to interpret its twist ending.
It’s impossible to tell from the trailer if the film is bad in a so-bad-it’s-good way, or if it’s just plain awful. I will try to get hold of it when it hits video, and will report back with my results.
In the meantime, if you’re looking for a good horror film set in a creepy hospital, try renting Infection, a Japanese film from 2005. Or, if you’ve got a longer attention span, try Lars Von Trier’s supernatural soap opera The Kingdom, a darkly comic miniseries which takes place in what one might call, paraphrasing Bill Murray’s character in Tootsie, “one nutty hospital.” Both are conveniently available on Netflix instant watch, so you don’t even have to leave your pregnancy dungeon to see them.
EDITED: Added some info on the minimal dangers of abortion procedures.
Posted on June 8, 2011, in creepy, evil women, misogyny, patriarchy, reactionary bullshit, vaginas. Bookmark the permalink. 1,066 Comments.
@Sarah: With you 100% on suicide and depression. I consider my problems with depression far more serious than my symptoms from hereditary spherocytosis. The depression has nearly taken my life. That, MRAL, is a disease. Your life is not threatened from being a little bit shorter than average for an American male. You are not sick.
I have a very off-topic question. Do you people think it’s all right just to give your morning height when people ask? (for me, as said, that’s 5’8.75) I do usually, but then I feel like they glance at me like “Really… looks like he’s exaggerating a little (.5-.25 inch)…”, because like most people I socialize more later in the day. Quick thoughts?
“I do have a genetic disease, it’s called having a deformed eye. Also I’d consider a short height a disease, it’s certainly treated as one.”
Not to nitpick, but unless those could very well be developmental, not genetic.
Regardless – overall, you seem pretty healthy. Not saying your situation is the easiest thing ever, but I wouldn’t put it on par with an autoimmune disease :-/
Not to pester, but I’m still seriously confused about this whole feminism=eugenics thing.
Holly, don’t forget Bono. MRAL is half an inch taller than Bono.
“I do have a genetic disease, it’s called having a deformed eye. Also I’d consider a short height a disease, it’s certainly treated as one.”
Not to nitpick, but unless those could very well be developmental, not genetic.
Regardless – overall, you seem pretty healthy. Not saying your situation is the easiest thing ever, but I wouldn’t put it on par with an autoimmune disease :-/
I’m still seriously confused about this whole feminism=eugenics thing.
Even Taub on House has normal eyes.
Ooops, double post. Sorry!
I don’t think MRAL’s lazy, but if he works hard, it’s the wrong kind of work–it’s the kind that’s all things and not people. Unless you are an absolute Einstein-level genius with things, getting people to like you is a very necessary (and sometimes very hard) part of getting your work recognized.
…and this is possible even for tiny little mini-people of only seven inches taller than me, geez. If you want to cry on my shoulder about your height, MRAL, you’ll have to bend down.
“I have a very off-topic question. Do you people think it’s all right just to give your morning height when people ask? ”
Why the fuck do you think any of us care?
Quick thoughts?
NOBODY CARES ABOUT IT. TELL THEM YOU’RE 3 FOOT 5.
As for your off-topic question, MRAL, no one can eyeball a quarter of an inch. Jeez, you could even just get bigger shoes and you’d make that up.
Honestly, this is the first I even realized that “morning height” would be any different. I just measured whenever.
Is morning height something like morning wood? I’m confused now…
Hey assholes, if you don’t care shut the fuck up. I’m asking for tips from those who care. Morning height, “average” height, or night height? Actually, I’ve been thinking of just calling myself 5’9, but maybe that’s pushing it too far?
@MRAL,
“Okay, I’m back. I think that a man who does not want to be a part of his child’s life, then, if he makes it clear at the beginning of pregnancy, should not be denigrated for being a “deadbeat dad”. He should still pay child support in regards to what he personally can afford, however, he is not to be attacked morally for his lack of emotional support. It’s his life.”
I actually agree with all of this, and while we’re at it, can we please stop treating women who DO carry the pregnancy to term and give it up for adoption like horrible mothers who abandoned their children? Can we also stop treating women who decide to raise the child like milking the system?
Unfortunately, MRAL, that’s about all I agree with you on. I still think you’re an idiot for what you said on the groping thread, but compared to people like Mr. Slave, who apparently thinks I’m a murderer, I can see why some here think there’s hope for you.
By the way, about your eye, just a suggestion, but you could try wearing a patch since you can’t see out of it anyway. Seriously, if you think it’s your eye that’s driving people away, there are those with a fetish for eye-patches.
MRAL, how about drumming? Even your stubby little fingers ought to be able to hold a drumstick. And the best thing about being a drummer is that people expect them to be weirdos, so you wouldn’t even have to change your personality.
It also helps to have a sense of rhythm, but as Meg White demonstrated, that’s optional.
I tell people I am five-foot-eighteen.
Except that, oh yeah NOBODY EVER ASKS.
You think nobody is going to call you on this kind of bullshit?
Let’s get back to discussing terrible movies.
“I’m asking for tips from those who care.”
Hold your breath until they respond.
Rounding is perfectly acceptable. The average of 5’8.25 and 5’8.75 is 8.5, so round to 5’9 if it makes you happier. No one will care.
Unless you’re standing next to one of those height charts they have in 7-11s to identify robbers, I can’t tell 5’7″ from 5’10” at a glance, seriously. It all reads as “average-ish” to me.
kirbywarp, yeah, you’re a bit taller in the morning because your spine stretches a little when you lie on your back and sleep. Throughout the day it compresses a little.
For a similar reason, people lose a bit of height as they age… not looking forward to THAT, although I’ve got a good 20 years before any of that happens, at the earliest. By then maybe they’ll have height enhancing pills or something. Since I’ll be rich I’ll be able to afford them. It’s actually a dream of mine that they may also perfect whole eye transplants, although that’s less likely.
By then maybe they’ll have height enhancing pills or something
yeah, I ‘d go with that. (snerk)
Well, zombie I also sometimes just mention it in conversation, it not like people are always “HOW TALL ARE YOU”, but it does come up fairly often.
It’s actually a dream of mine that they may also perfect whole eye transplants,
Well, Geordi was still waiting for that in the 24th century, so I would settle in for a long wait.
By then maybe they’ll have height enhancing pills or something
Viacra.
“Let’s get back to discussing terrible movies.”
Yes, let’s. I think “The Life Zone” may be the worst movie of all time, and I say that having watched “Quills” all the way through.
, but it does come up fairly often.
well, yeah IF YOU KEEP MENTIONING IT.
How about this: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.
I say that having watched “Quills” all the way through.
Manos? How does it stack up against Manos?
Hey, guys and gals, just catching up with the thread.
You’ll have to excuse the women here, for many of them haven’t absorbed the richly layered mind-expanding symbolism found in the Star Wars novels.
I kid of course. I have nothing against Star Wars novels. I’ve never read them because I don’t really care about Star Wars but I’m sure I’ve read worse. Right now, I’m reading a translation of a 1908 French novel about Martian vampires. However, I don’t claim Le Prisonnier de la Planète Mars is the greatest literary achievement humankind has ever produced. It’s only the sixth greatest, at best.
I believe I can field that one for Mr. Slave: The Rothchilds (no relationship to the Rothschilds) would have just found another patsy.
Without fucking feminism, how would I ever have sex with a civil rights movement? Feminism is slutty, not like that prudish African-American Civil Rights Movement.
23 year old virgin with Asperger’s and a rather bad case of OCD (the ever-present horrifying intrusive images kind, not the hand-washing kind) .
But I’m 5’11 in my stocking feet, and have a bunch of friends, so my life must be all hunky-dory. Right?
Holly, you may not be heightist (since you’re shortish yourself, not surprising. The majority of people (most men, mostly alphas) above 5’11, lets say, are raging heightists, and acutely aware of these things.
Indeed Zombie. And for some reason I am now thinking about that scene in Aliens where the alien bursts out of the guy’s chest.
Now there is an ethical question-if the living creature is not human, it is okay to remove but if it is human, it is not? What makes either one of them right if you are a anti-choice person?
“I feel like they glance at me like “Really… looks like he’s exaggerating a little (.5-.25 inch)…”, because like most people I socialize more later in the day.”
MRAL… if you actually do worry about this a lot and think this is what ppl think… I think you rly need to talk to somebody :\ If just to help get over your extreme insecurity… does your college have counselling or therapy services? :]
Also, y’know all the guys I knew in college and HS and at work add about 2 inches to their height. when asked.. I dun think ppl generally can tell or particularly care about EXACT height. If it gives you more confidence when talking to ppl or if ppl ask you your height (in what situations outside of like online dating and doctor’s appt or at the DMV does this happen? ) then go for it :]
Out of curiosity, do YOU care how tall everybody around you is? :\ And does that matter (esp the .25 inches you worry about) in how you treat them?
Yes, let’s. I think “The Life Zone” may be the worst movie of all time,
How about American Carol, or Expelled?
You’re 5’11 and a virgin??????! Are you like morbidly obese or something?
I think “The Life Zone” ought to be graded on a curve. How is it compared to other right-wing propaganda films like “Atlas Shrugged: Part One” and “An American Carol”?
Damn you ZRM and your long, nimble fingers!
*sigh* I can’t believe I’m doing this…
MRAL,
Tell people you’re morning height. It’s not a lie, so it’s not dishonest, and as people I look up to have often told me, put your best foot forward. Get a patch for the eye (hey, pirates are still in); the drum sounds like a good idea, too. What are your hobbies? Some people might find them interesting. Hell, my ability to draw was the only thing most people liked about me in elementary school. That and my singing voice, but I rarely ever did that. Even if you have a weird talent, people dig different things about different people.
See, MRAL didn’t come back because he wanted to participate in a discussion about abortion. What he REALLY wanted was to get a fuckload more
therapymockery.Manos was beaten out by the Room a few years ago when that incredibly horrid piece of cinematic waste was released to the endless nightmares of spoons for us all.
Although Manos still has a problem with the sound…*shudders*
Ami, I mean I care in the sense that other people care, and it makes me insecure to be shorter than others. I havve a really hard time with people above, say, 6’2. But am I a heightist? No, I wouldn’t treat someone shorter than myself badly. Because I am a nice, egalitarian person.
“You’re 5’11 and a virgin??????! Are you like morbidly obese or something?”
“You’re 5’8″ and you can’t see out of your left eye??????! Ewww, you’re gross!”
Same sentiment. Don’t like it? Don’t dish it out.
Nope. Asperger’s.
I’m socially awkward and hate (and I mean hate) being touched.
My advice: make like Louis XIV. Suck it up and buy some high heeled shoes.
Oh yeah, cuz I’m curious xD What’s the equivalent height for women that makes them an alpha? And how tall until they’re no longer an Alpha? xD Are only men over 5’11” heightest but not women or women over 5’11” too cuz then that’s gonna be a much smaller amount of women vs men o_o;;
I’m currently feeling VERY squishy and gooshy about a guy who’s about my height…. (possibly shorter)…. how can this be? :o
yeah, when I think of “egalitarian” I think MRAL.
(snerk)
The Room is entertaining, particularly if you watch it with a crowd. Not even the MST3K riffing could make me sit through Manos again.
I can’t do an eyepatch. I just can’t. That is way more noticeable than even my eye as it stands, and I’d feel like a total freak. I’m stuck in an awkward middle ground.
Also, I read a procedure in which your legs are broken and then set and stretched. The bone heals longer, gaining you an extra 2.5-3 inches, though it takes like 4 months. Does anyone here know of anyone who’s done this surgery?
Don’t, do NOT ask questions about MRAL’s ridiculous system. That way lies madness. Just mock him. That is at least entertaining.
Quills really is terrible isn’t it? I wanted to like it so badly – Geoffrey Rush, Kate Winslet. Joaquin Phoenix before he lost it. But it’s awful. If you’re interested, you’d be better off reading any of the dozens (at least) biographies about de Sade and throwing in Justine for context.
I think Geoffrey Rush is like Christopher Walken. At some point they both made a deal with the devil and if you ask them to be in you movie they are powerless to say no. That’s how I explain that Pingpong movie.
Most people think I am taller then I am…must be my overwhelming confidence in having seen not only Manos: Hands of Fate, the Room but also Ninja III the Dominion with the least erotic love scene of all time.
That is right, I am stronger then MRAL because I watched three of the worst movies ever made.
MRAL – You can be any height and be a virgin if you don’t get to know women. It’s not like guys who are 6’2″ just get tackled on the street by women. They have to find some way of putting themselves out there. Obviously, having Asperger’s and OCD would make that much more difficult.
Also, you and spearhafoc are both relatively young. Twenty-three is hardly the “if you haven’t had sex by now, you never will” age. Some people lose it at twenty-five. Or later.
make like Louis XIV. Suck it up and buy some high heeled shoes.
worked for Prince.
Of course, he also can play guitar like a motherfucker. It’s the long fingers….
*YOUR
O_O I meant “your morning height” in that sentence…not “you’re”…eew.
Well, I’m not familiar with Manos, but having just read the review I suppose it’s possible that Quills is better. Live and learn.
Really Spear? I was barely able to stand The Room even with the crowd and a hundred spoons.
*breaks MRAL’s legs* Now you can find out!
Um, no, MRAL. I may be 5’1″, and therefore quite tired of comments about my resemblance to an adorable china doll (I prefer to think of myself as a ninja, my stealth aided by my lack of height), but living in chronic pain makes one reluctant to voluntarily undergo further pain. Jesus.
You need psychiatric help. 5’8″ is not short. Do not mutilate your body for something that isn’t a genuine problem.
MRAL if you don’t want to be heightest, don’t be weightest/sizest either…
See, the thing is, I don’t think ppl rly DO care about .25 or .5 of an inch. Or even if you’re 5’8″ or 5’9″ :\ And you said YOU don’t care, has it occurred to you you’re not alone in that? :]
Let’s just take a straw poll here.
Who here cares if a guy is .25 or .5 inches shorter than they say their height is? How often do you ask ppl about their exact height IRL (i.e. not on the internet)? How much does it matter to you?
It’s not like guys who are 6’2″ just get tackled on the street by women.
Speak for yourself.
Also, seriously, if a guy who’s 5’8.whatever” and a guy who’s 5’11” aren’t standing right next to each other, I might be hard pressed to even tell which is which.
…Like most people, I’m way too busy worrying if I look okay.
Some people lose it at twenty-five. Or later.
Sometimes a good deal later. I’ve heard.
I liked Quills-except for that whole Marquis De Sade nuttery.
As for virgins-I am on number 13 (which is why I call him that) and two of that number were over the age of 30. In fact, I think 13 will be the final one. But I said that after number 9. Damn my kind heart!
“I would trade places with anyone on this blog in a second. If any of you were in my place, I honestly think you’d committ suicide. That’s how strong I am.”
I’m a fat chick who’s the same height as you.
Some people lose it at twenty-five. Or later.
based on MRAL, some people have lost it quite a bit earlier.
The obsession with height is just bizarre to me. The Boyfriend is 5’11”. Boyfriend before him? Barely 5’8″. Boyfriends/casual partners before them? All over the board. I don’t give a fuck about height. Normal people don’t.
Nope. The Room is only entertaining with friends if you play the drinking game. And then it’s still just – my friends and I actually promised never to talk about it again and have since referred to it as “That thing that we never did that must not be spoken about.”
We’d hoped that this would prevent anyone else from ever seeing it. Clearly, we were wrong.
1, In fact, my vision is far too bad to do 3D. I have no binocular depth perception at all. In fact, my vision is so bad as to constitute being significant enough to be legally visually impaired. It takes big old thick glasses for me to see my computer screen two feet from my face. Also, unlike my vision problems, which are genetic (several members of both of my parent’s families also have severe vision problems), your eye is actually likely a congenital, rather than genetic “defect” and is most likely the result of having different shaped eye lids, rather than different sized eyeballs (there are exceptions to that rule-genetic causes of disparate eye sizes-but if you have one of them like infant glaucoma, tumors, or graves disease, I suspect that would have been mentioned first).
2. Height-I am 5’4″, and I am a genderqueer bisexual who has mostly dated women. My brother is your height, MRAL, and seems to get by just fine (he has a rather lovely wife, too). I am the shortest person in my immediate family. My little sister is taller than me. But unlike you, I do not have a bizarre obsession over it, so I am just fine.
3. What was three again? Oh yeah, short fingers. I must admit, I have decent sized hands and long fingers. Of course, my extreme chronic joint pain makes most sorts of repetitive motion not so fun for me. I also have Reynauld’s phenomenon, which means I have to be very careful about things that could potentially cause damage to my hands and feet, because when it is bad, I do not have enough feeling in my fingers to notice injuries until they become severe. Combine that with my thin skin, and I have to check my hands and feet for injuries after every long session of repetitive use, because, even though the pain from the joint problems never goes away, I can’t always feel sensations properly with the skin of my extremities. But, hey, stumpy fingers are omg the worst thing ever, amirite?
4. A family of alphas? Well, since your notion of alpha is really poorly defined, it is hard to say. Some of them do seem to get laid more than others, but most of them are fat and/or broke, so they are omegas? Is a 5’10” crackhead an alpha if he dates another crackhead? What, your family doesn’t have more than one crackhead? Here I thought you were deprived…
Damn, my head hurts, though to be fair, that probably isn’t your fault, MRAL, it is been acting up all day. Of course, I spent part of today debating on whether it was worth going to the hospital with severe pain on the left side of head and the right side of my body because of the expense and the difficulty around my symptoms and diagnoses, but, please, tell us more about how sickly you feel today while I consider taking enough muscle relaxers to knock me out for the night in hopes of waking up in slightly less pain tomorrow.
BTW, don’t call me 5’8, I’m 5’8.5. Or 5’8.25 or 5’8.75. But not 5’8.
And speaking of virginity: I was a couple months shy of 22 when I first slept with someone. Made up for lost time though :D
@MRAL you should take my advice and wear shades :] Shades are COOL! The Jays had a pitcher named Gustavo Chacin who wore shades even at night and even in the clubhouse… I thought he was the coolest guy ever xD And Bob McCown wears shades indoors. :3
Honestly tho… even if you don’t think there’s nething wrong with you, if just to let out all that anger you have inside, and how you feel the world treats you and ALL the frustrations you have, with your family, not being able to get an internship, or ppl judging you for your height… I think a good counsellor or a therapist could rly help, and if you’re in school, most colleges offer student counselling services :) It would be better than coming here and venting or expressing all your insecurities b/c a) nobody will mock you b) *I* won’t be there to mock you xD c) it’d be confidential d) they won’t be biased or be fighting you ideologically e) they’re actually trained to listen and help :]
What university/college do you go to?
“I would trade places with anyone on this blog in a second.
Imma zombie. Can you IMAGINE the kind of discrimination I see every day? Just try walking through the food court… not to mention the arguments about pre-existing conditions with the insurance companies.