The Searchers
Hey, you asked for it.
One of the many happy benefits of moving this blog to WordPress is that I can now see in gory detail the search terms people use to get here. The most common search terms are, naturally enough, “manboobz” and “man boobz.” It’s on the third-most-popular search term that things start to get weird: it’s “Australopithecus.” Why? Well, because once upon a time I posted a picture of an Australopithecus couple going about their Australopithecus business.
Let’s take a quick tour through the rest of the search terms list. I think we can learn a few things, both about this blog and about the dreams and desires of people whiling away a boring afternoon at work by poking around the internet. Here are some preliminary conclusions I have drawn from the data:
1) The teeming millions want to look at dudes with lots of muscles:
world’s most muscliest man
most big muscle in the world
world’s muscular man
disgustingly big muscles
silly muscles
les muscle man end the world
And no, I have no idea what that last one means either.
Clearly, the prevalence of muscle-man related search terms is the side effect of having that little picture of a muscly man at the top of the sidebar in the blogger version of this blog. I feel bad that this was all I had to offer the searchers, so as you can see I’ve added a pic of a man with some, yes, ”disgustingly big muscles.”
2) Human sexuality is a weird, wonderful, and often horrifying thing. Sometimes, it involves advanced computer and/or robotic technology:
future lady robot
create a virtual woman with boobs
will cherry 2000 ever happen?
computer mouse in vagina
Other times, animals:
panda furry porn
animal dildo porn
fish meat and women porn movies
I am trying to get that last image out of my head.
3) If you regularly mention sperm on your blog, you’re going to attract a few weirdos:
how to steal sperm
do lizards like human cum
I just Googled that last one and this post of mine was the FIRST RESULT! I would therefore like to publicly state that I DO NOT KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION and have never even tried to find out the answer to that question. And if you by chance actually do know the answer to that question DO NOT TELL IT TO ME.
4) Angry dudes trying to find men’s rights sites can be careless typists:
why do you always here fiminist indoctorin at school but nothing about mens right activist?
women are like chilfren
A few final thoughts:
Many of the questions listed above are questions that are frankly best left unanswered. But there are some others I would dearly love to see answers to:
what do intellegent agressive beefcake nerds want
what does germaine greer think of buck angel
And one question I can answer pretty definitively:
can socially awkward men find love
Yes. The answer to that one is yes.
Posted on May 6, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 170 Comments.
I wish I could laugh but I just finished reading this from the Ms Blog.
Ugh.
Zombie Rotten McDonald steered me over here from Sadly, No. I’ve got to get back there to thank him, and sooner or later I may get around to forgiving you for that picture, but it’ll take time…
I wrote an article/review about ‘The Human Centipede: First Sequence’ on my blog and ended up getting lots of search strings similar to “was the human centipede based on a true story?” “could the human centipede really happen” “how to make a human centipede” etc.
That movie really sparked the imagination.
I’m waiting for this to become a 300-post comment thread on bonobos, crime rates, and how not getting laid is a form of oppression. Come on, people, let’s step it up here!
Ok, but what about F***ing magnets, how do they work?
I too would like to know what Germaine Greer thinks of Buck Angel. I’d also like to know what Buck Angel thinks of Germaine Greer.
You can ask him.
http://twitter.com/#!/BuckAngel
The WordPress search terms is addictive. I got jokers coming to my film blog ALL THE TIME via “pissing girl.” Humanity and its TMI, man.
what does germaine greer think of buck angel
I smell a sitcom!
P.S. I used to post here with this drawing of myself with my head falling off as an avatar. Does anyone know how I would go about getting that back on wordpress?
I totally ship Buck Angel/Germaine Greer now. Your guys’ fault!
I mostly blog on evolution, feminism, religion, and comics; but the number one search term that brings people to the blog is “stingray”. Which was from this throwaway post I put no effort into. It’s a little disheartening. http://johnnykaje.wordpress.com/2010/01/04/a-conversation-i-overheard-in-joplin/
You may get furries and muscle freaks, but at least you don’t get pedofiles. One of my most visited posts is unfortunately named, and brings them in droves. Luckily they’ve never commented.
Wait a minute…what if most of my visitors are stingray fetishists? EWWWW
Women are like children! Arms, legs, human DNA, capacity for learning, capacity for empathy, appreciation for fun and enjoyment, ability and willingness to work for rewards, need for connection to others–there’s all kinds of things in common.
Yes, Holly, but are they like chilfren?
I can’t make a comparison between chilfren and women. I checked the medicine cabinet for the former and was fresh out.
This one fish meat and women porn movies
reminds me of this story about Led Zepplin, which I always like to recount whenever staying at the Edgewater. It’s a freaky, messed up story, but to my knowledge no porn movie has been made from it.
Thank goodness.
New search term today:
how to cure explosive diarrhea fetishes
Anyone have any advice for this poor guy or gal?
how to cure explosive diarrhea fetishes
Anyone have any advice for this poor guy or gal?
Be the one to clean up afterwards?
Somehow I doubt that there is Yahoo Answers page for that problem.
I hate to say it, but I’m afraid that poor person is just shit out of luck.
Ok, I have this one… A better Fantasy {football, baseball, etc.} pick. Baseball especially appeals to sports nerds. Just ask Nate Silver.
Explosive diarrhea person, unfortunately, you can’t cure your fetishes. Try getting involved in the kink community, making yourself as attractive as possible and finding a very open-minded partner.
The best search term I ever got on my old blog was “i love seeing women killing chicken.”
Well, sir or madam, you have come to the right place!
I don’t really even get what the point of this article is supposed to prove, however I do have a comment for
@PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth…who said, “I wish I could laugh but I just finished reading this from the Ms Blog.”
Now it would appear, since you’re a feminist, your dismay is at the situation is caused by the fact that when a woman/girl lies about being raped the report is listed as “unfounded.” So in order to “bolster” the numbers of reported rapes, feminists want those false accusation listed as “unsolved.” Futher, those evil men who didn’t commit any crime are walking around free instead of in prison. Oh the inhumanity, is there no justice?
Heres is link #24 from the ms blog article
http://inquirer.philly.com/packages/crime/doc/phila2.asp
Heres a few exerps from the report.
Adult complaintant reports rape to cover infidelity, indiscresion, lateness, pregnancy ect. Complaintant admits to lying.
Complainant reports in order to obtain medical services free of charge, prenancy test, morning after pill, birth control, VD test, ect.
I mean who could possibly see a problem with men being imprisoned to bolster numbers or get free medical services. Oh when, oh when will the misogyny end.
Juvenile compainant, for reasons known only to herself, concocts rape story. Investigation causes child to admit she made up the rape account.
Oh the evil misogynists not willingly walking into prison so women can get free medical services and bolster the official rape numbers. Women demand justice!
I never knew that I wanted to know what Germaine Greer thinks about Buck Angel, but now I totally do.
So, sorry if this has already been asked before but what does the “NWO” stand for, NWOslave?
Now Wanking Off?
@Snowy Oh damn, that was so funny. Truely a sidesplitter since I heard feminists had no sense of humor. But I guess false acusations are a friggin riot as long as you’re not on the recieving end. I mean whats the worst that could happen? Jail, lost job ostracized by society, killed by an angry mob looking to avenge the womans honor? Ahh, it’s all in good fun as long as we get them rape numbers up there. Yippieeee!
NWOSlave, I find it a great social ill when an individual is falsely convicted of a crime. Do you think that if the police are massaging the numbers of actual rapes down, as the Sun article suggests they are, that an attempt to correctly classify the number of rapes should be made?
on the can socially awkward men find love, my bf did and he is self admittedly one of the most extreme cases of social awkwardness you are going to find
@Fatman…Since the police, are in fact being forced in state after state to massage the numbers up, your question is irrelevant. Unless of course you deny the fact that false accusations are unfounded.
I mean why bother with your theoretical nonsense when facts state the opposite.
NWOslave, false accusations are by definition unfounded. The first incident listed in the Sun article is a rape reclassified as unfounded, how should this indecent be recorded in rape statistics? Given that in January 2010, in midtown Baltimore a woman was raped, and this rape was not classified as a rape by the police, should it be counted as a rape for statisticians attempting to build a functional predictive model based on actual events?
Errors are always a factor in any statistical projection, is it your contention that those errors should be ignored when we are creating models used for predictive purposes?
@Fatman…Please go to the link I provided and read it. Why it’s from Ms mag so it must be good. Well geuss what, all those false accusations are now listed as “unsolved.” Therefore the numbers have been bolstered, yet you quote 1 case that wasn’t reported as oppossed to thousands that are falsely reported.
Now of course those darling women who falsely accused men of a crime they didn’t commit were given 0.0 seconds of prison time, yet the men who are falsely accused will immediately be fired from any job, slandered by the mainstream media, ostraziced by society and many will be imprisoned. Ahh feminist jurisprudence, it’s all about eeeeeeeeeequality.
Here is the deal though NWOslave-these women were not only treated with disdain and told they were liars but it came on top of a vicious attack to their person that is very hard to recover from. I know YOU think 99.9999% if all rape victims are liars who deserve prison the instant they make the accusation, but the rest of us who do not hate women like you do know that this makes it much worse to get justice.
I also hope you noticed the first few items on the Ms Blog-the Dept. of Justice said there is estimated to be 93,000 rapes of men annually. And if we just went by the FBI’s definition, not one of those men could get justice. So fuck off.
@PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth…I’m afraid you are once again wrong about me. If a woman is violently raped the man that did it should be taken to the town square, given 50 lashes and tossed in jail for 20 years. The same punishment goes for any woman who falsely accuses a man of rape.
Do I believe most, (over 50%) of rape claims are false? Yes I do. Probably because my definition of rape isn’t the same as the definition given by many States. My definition of rape is forcibly having sex with a woman. If a claim of I was too drunk to enthusiastically consent comes about, I’m going to laugh in your face. No one forced you to get drunk, so if you consented while drunk, well tough cookies. If a woman claims rape while looking like she just stepped out of a salon without so much as a hair out of place, you can imagine I might be a tad dubious of her assertion.
Considering that women who are actually raped-violently raped-are not given the same kind of consideration a woman who was robbed of a purse so they are not inclined to put themselves through a brutal second violation by an asshole cop who acts like you do…your belief that this means she lied about it so she should be dragged to the town square, lashed and then imprisoned for twenty years means that men who rape will get away with it again and again and again.
But hey, how dare a woman expect to be treated properly by the police. After all, you think all rape victims are liars.
So, NWOslave, if you got drunk at a party, and some guy decided to rape you, would it be your fault for getting drunk in the first place?
NWOslave – What about teh menz?
No, seriously. All you seem to talk about is how bad women are. Do you actually give a shit about men who are falsely accused–about their appeals process, about the evidence they are and aren’t allowed to use, about their treatment in jail?
Because I see like 10% token consideration of that, and 90% frothing, lashing-out fury at the horrible women involved.
If you’re in favor of men’s rights, talk about men’s rights. Not about women’s un-rights.
I’m starting to think that if women lost the right to child custody, if women lost the right to hold “men’s” jobs, if women lost the right to prosecute crimes, if women lost the right to equal education…
The goals of most “men’s rights activists” would be achieved without men actually gaining a single right.
@PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth…I made myself clear in my post of what I thought of a voilent rapist. And lets be real here, you’re telling me that if a woman was beaten and bruised a cop would yawn and rush of to a woman who had her purse stolen. Puuuulease.
@Amnesia…I don’t drink and I’m not gay. However, if a man was drunk and another man talked him into sex. Well guess what, he agreed.
I mean c’mon. So if any woman goes to a bar shall we place caution tape around her. Stand back men, we have a woman drinking here. I mean hell, all you hear on monday morning conversations is “I was soo drunk…” I mean if that’s the case why not reverse it. A man gets drunk and rapes a woman, shall me excuse his action?
@Holly…It;s kinda funny you should say that, since quotas ensure that any woman is guarunteed employment over a better qualified man, AA ya know. Hell women can have a man thrown from his house on a feeling, “prosecution” isn’t even required. Title IX ensures women 1st programs, if 50 slots are open, ya better have 25 women reguardless of merit.
@Holly…I am talking about mens rights. And being falsely accused and guilt is assumed is a “right” that men have had usurped. Guess who did it?
You’re funny, mister. I dare you to talk about men for once, and you get right into talking about the evil women.
Are there any rights men could gain other than the right to have women have less rights?
@Holly…So the 50 lashes in the town square and the 20 years I advocate for punishment is like 10% token consideration of that. Would you like the death pealty as proper recompensation?
Your “10% consideration” is, true to form, just another way to punish the woman, and not to actually help the man.
You didn’t actually answer the question, being gay has nothing to do with it, what she asked was
Oops, no that was what I asked. She asked
We shouldn’t have to put caution tape around women for men not to rape them. That should just be something you don’t do.
If there’s any ambiguity about consent, you don’t have sex. It’s that simple. If you decide to go ahead and have sex anyway, you run the risk of being charged with rape.
@Holly…Ok I will, Violent rapists I think I’ve made clear my opinion. Fathers who run out on their families are scum of the earth. Men who batter women are pathetic cowards and need a good ass kicking every day. Ya see the difference is I know all these things are wrong. Feminists however will make laws, VAWA, AA, Title IX, ect, ect. and fall all over themselves to excuse any action by a woman towards a man.
If a woman hits a man, theres an excuse. If a woman takes a mans children while he pays theres an excuse. If a woman gets drunk and consents to sex then anytime in the future she can declare “rape.” Theres an excuse. Somehow men are always held accountable for their actions, they’re held accoutable for a womans actions, they can’t tell any woman how to act, yet a woman can tell a man how to act. Now call me crazy but when there are LAWS that do all these things, I find that to be a problem.
@Amnesia…OK, now I want an answer from you, heres two scenarios.
A woman is drunk, a man talks her into bed, she says yes. Was she raped?
A man is drunk, a woman tlaks him into bed, he says yes. was he raped?
By the way, in scenario one, by law it is rape. Nut I want your opinion. Lets hear, Answer me for once.
NWOslave – Wow, you really can’t say anything good about men, or any supports or freedoms that men deserve. It’s still just all about the evil women.
You’re not pro-man at all. You don’t even seem to like men, let alone having put any thought into their needs or rights. You’re only anti-woman.
Goddamnit. That’s what I get for fooling around with html tags I guess.
@NWOslave
A man (you) is drunk, a man talks him into bed, he says yes. Was he raped?
I’m curious to know if you apply the same standards to yourself as you do to women. Because the last time I checked rape was less about “talking someone into something” and more about, you know, rape.
I would say both are technically rape.
@Holly…Oh no you’ve befuddled me with reverse logic. I can’t say anything good about men. Priceless. Seriously you need to do much better than that.
How about you Holly care to answer my questions?
How about another one just for you. Here it is. A woman is proven to have falsely accused a man of rape. Should she be punished, and if so what is that punishment?
You know what I would do if a woman falsely accused a man of rape?
I would be concerned about clearing the man’s legal record, about getting the man reinstated in his job if he was wrongfully fired, about the man’s financial support reentering the community from jail, about clearing the man’s good name in the media, about protecting the man from misguided vigilantes.
Charging the women with filing a false police report would be my second priority.
Do you give the first shit about men?
@Snowy…Well snowy you seem to be a bit shy in your knowlege of LAW. If a woman has been drinking, even one drink and she consents to sex, she can indeed claim rape. Can you imagine a man trying that one out in court. “Judge I was drunk so she raped me.” Holy fuck, he’d be a laughingstock. The judge would tell him to rush home so his mommy could change his diaper.
@Holly…Oh Holly ya got me agin! Incredible. However my question remains unaswered. Lets try it again. A woman falsely accuses a man of rape, does she deserve punishment and if so what shall it be?
You should be a crooked politician because you dance around without actually answering the question. Please try again.
Hyperbole aside, if you are accused falsely of a crime, you may bring a lawsuit against your accuser in a court of law for defamation. So the fact that there are no reprisals against false accusers is…a false accusation in and of itself.
I think there are some unanswered questions here!
1) Are both partners at similar levels of intoxication?
2) How drunk is drunk? Are we talking “unsafe to drive” drunk, or “passed out” drunk?
3) Did either partner say no at any point?
The woman should receive whatever the statutory punishment for a false police report is, with the judge taking into consideration the harm done to the man.
I’m not going to ask for some medieval “and then she should have to go down a slide of razorblades INTO A POOL OF LEMON JUICE” bullshit, but I would expect her to go to prison and/or owe the man a substantial judgement in a civil suit, yeah.
This conversation is gross beyond belief. I volunteer with rape victims. Sit in on the police interview sometimes. And you know what? It doesn’t happen like NWOslave imagines it does. Surprise!
Most people who are raped and report it are women. Most are marginalized in some way. They are usually: very young, very old, very poor, mentally incapacitated, homeless, addicts, sex workers, or disabled. They live in homes and are raped by caretakers. They live on the street and are raped by some dude who got mad because they won’t give up their cigarettes. They needed a place to stay, and the person who let them crash on their couch raped them. They are raped by abusive ex-husbands and ex-lovers who were able to weasel their way into the apartment. Give me a fricking break, NWOslave–you have no idea what you’re talking about, no desire to learn, and yet you’re still typing.
When we’re talking about (or, more to the point, prosecuting) men who rape drunk women, these aren’t men who have gotten the woman’s consent (or at least not in my experience). These rapists are taking advantage of a situation where they believe they don’t have to get consent, and their victim will not fight back (or if she does, it will be ineffectual) and will not press charges (and if she does, no one will believe her report). And that happens quite a bit, actually — that not believing the report bit. A lot of police do an excellent jobs, but at least some don’t. And sometimes the hospital staff doesn’t. People who have just been raped, once they realize how much they actually have to go through to file a report, and the likelihood that their attacker won’t be punished, often decide not to file.
Jesus. How privileged and removed from the world do you have to be to read about rape reports that weren’t followed up on and turn it into a story about the poor menz and how no one can be raped after they’ve taken a drink? Unbelievable.
@law1204…Well with a name like law1204 I’m guessin you know lots about that lawyerly stuff. Let me hep ya out with how thats workin out. I think there actually been a whopping 2 cases where a woman has actually been, what can one say, rebuffed for false accusations.
Average time served…0.0000000000001 seconds for false accusations.
Average defamation payment…0.0000000000001 cent for false accusations.
Yeeeeaaa, I’m guessing it’s not a real big deterrent.
That’s not literally true, though, NWOslave. If you’re just going to say things that aren’t true, go with “women are evil because of their collusion with the pink elephants,” which has about as much correlation with crime statistics and news reports as your figures.
And man, you’re at it again! You’re always at it: talking all about women being bad, and not at all, not sparing one sentence for defending men or advocating for men!
@Bee…Since you seem to know soooooo much about the situation. Perhaps you’d like to field a few of my questions that I’ve posted?
Heres a fun little site. http://human-stupidity.com/stupid-dogma/stupid-dogma/teenage-sexuality/rape-laws-no-due-process
@ozymandias….Only one party is drunk in either of the scenarios I presented. By law one is rape the other isn’t. Your thoughts?
Also no one, and I mean no one has answered my question on does a woman who blatantly falsely accuses a man of rape deserve pusishment and if so what shall it be?
I answered your question — the normal statutory punishment in her state for filing a false police report (plus obstruction of justice if she submitted false evidence or concealed real evidence), plus a civil suit by the man.
And then I talked about actually helping the man recover from all this, but you didn’t like that part.
@Holly….Please stop with the not caring about men. Do you really believe I can be so easily decieved?
Put it this way Holly, if the false accusations ceased because there was a punishment for trying to incarcerate a man. That is the root of the problem. Not golly gee, lets clear is name and wish him well. What? Don’t you care about men?
Seriously, please stop with the you care about men I don’t ploy. It’s not working. OK.
If one party is very, very drunk– the kind of drunk where they are puking and literally cannot make their own decisions and people should be drunksitting them– and the other is sober, then it is rape, regardless of the genders involved. I believe this is the idea of mainstream feminism.
@Holly…You answered nothing, the normal “punishment” for a woman who falsely accuses a man of rape is, “the case is dismissed.” There is NO punishment.
Stop with, oh golly! Lets all help the man get back on his feet. The question remains which you won’t answer because you just can’t bring yourself to punish a woman for any crime.
NWO – I care about men. I don’t know if you do or not. You seem weirdly reluctant to show it.
How hard would it be to say, at a minimum, “the woman should be flogged and have to swallow a porcupine whole and have to eat Satan’s poopy, and also the man should receive counseling and financial reparations”?
I know I’m harping on it at this point, but I’m just amazed how little you think about men. (And then you say “stop saying I don’t care about men!” but you never do seem to say “I care about men!”)